Rosaline Palmer Takes the Cake (Winner Bakes All, #1)

by Alexis Hall

“You know there are more emotions than happy and sad, and that also you can have them about things that aren’t football?” “I think we’ve read different rule books, mate.”

It might not have been bollocks, but it was definitely in the scrotal region.”

Oh God, she was going to be Blululeuuh Girl now.

having disasters and being British about it was an integral part of the show,

true

Marianne Wolvercote was picking through the rubble of Rosaline’s bake like she was looking for survivors.

she knew, without even looking at it, would start with the line “Make choux pastry.”

And somehow, waiting and trusting her instincts had stopped being the most terrifying thing in the universe.

And she loved baking and the show made that okay. Made it into something that millions of people shared and appreciated and celebrated. Instead of something she did because she couldn’t be a doctor.

—the pause of someone trying not to fuck all over the BBC—

“I’ll be a ballsack for both of us.” Harry’s arm nudged gently against hers. “Mate, the things you say.”

“What’s a fleek?” “Nobody knows, darling,” drawled out Grace Forsythe. “It’s the Voynich manuscript of the modern age.”

I’d probably be willing to have a tumultuous fling with you.” “What makes you think it’d be tumultuous?” “Because I’ve met you.”

He let out one of those tradesmen’s I’m not sure what’s wrong with the boiler breaths.

That was the problem with Harry. He didn’t look like he was supposed to be perceptive. But he kept…getting her?

<3

“Of course there’s more. But so what? No one can have everything. You’ve just got to figure out what matters. And then not let stuff what don’t matter get in the way of stuff what does.”

Rosaline really wanted to know why Liv was in his house dressed like she was on a date.

I think it's because Liv wants to put the moves on Rosaline

“I hit him quite hard. So it’s more likely he’s sitting on the sofa with peas on his face complaining about what complete bitches we both are.”

“Don’t be daft, mate. I’m just saying you’re worth listening to. And well, you was right.

he's such a sweetheart🥹

In fact, Rosaline was starting to think Amelie might have been onto something when she’d said it tasted like sand and old people.

There was power in it, she was starting to realise. Living in a world where you got to choose what mattered. And with time, and work, and perhaps a tiny bit of therapy, maybe she could have that too.

<3 <3

“Fuck me with a rusty egg whisk.”

“I know it’s not nice of me,” Harry offered. “But I really would like to see his face if he doesn’t win.”

“Tell you what, if there’s a God, he’s taking the fucking piss.”

I'm getting this tattooed

But nothing anyone had put forward that round would have tempted an annoying child to sell his siblings to a witch. Probably he’d have taken one look and gone back through the wardrobe.

innuendar

Finally, it was Alain—bearing his usual tray of trying too hard.

GOT HIM LOL

You want to send him home? Beat him.

“Sorry. Your dad’s called Ringo?” “Yeah, my nan’s a big Beatles fan.”

LMAO

This was beginning to feel a lot like making Turkish delight. Hot, stressful, taking forever, and producing nothing anybody actually wanted.

And I know I’m supposed to want to have it all, but I…don’t? I want what I’ve got. What I’ve got is…it’s enough. It’s everything.”

You’re not made of sandwich. Otherwise you’d look like a sandwich.” “I don’t look like an atom neither.”

It was good to have a daughter who thought for herself. Fucking terrifying, but good.

Jennifer Hallet rose from Rosaline’s one armchair like Poseidon from the depths.

She does things for herself all the time. You should see her bedside drawer.”

Lauren lmaooo

I didn’t mean to make you feel…face-thrown.

“I don’t want you to be anyone other than who you are,” Rosaline told her. “I just need you to let me be who I am.”

!!!!

It didn’t matter what it was. It just mattered that it was yours.

And that was the thing about journeys, wasn’t it? They weren’t about where you started or where you ended. They were about who came with you.

She didn’t quite scuff her toe against the grass, but she moved her foot in a way that was definitely grass-related and scuff-adjacent.

“Oi,” said Harry, “don’t be having a go at my van.”

lol

But Rosaline was a single mum who had won the nation’s favourite baking competition and she wasn’t in a decorous mood.

“We are having sex. Or we was. Now we’re having a conversation.

“I’d say quit while you was ahead but you ain’t ahead.”

he kills me lolll

I’ve been trying to learn some veggie cooking anyway, but the old man complains if you try to feed it to him. He’s all like, ‘This ain’t a pie, it’s a salad in a crust.’”

💀💀