Addicted After All (Addicted, #5)

by Krista Ritchie

I don’t want to lose this kid that I never even wanted. He’s a piece of me and Lily, and most people would consider that a tainted, damaged thing. But the more I think about it—and the longer she carries our child—I recognize all of the good parts of us. They fucking exist. And there is a hope, a chance, that he could be more than what I am. That he could be better than me.

“Shh, love.” I lean closer to her and hold her face between two hands. “He’s okay.” My chest collapses at the pain in her eyes. “I can’t feel him,” she cries, tears leaking.

Dr. Adams sits on a stool and lifts Lily’s sweater to her ribs. While he squirts gel on her stomach, his gaze pings between me and Ryke, deep in thought. “So who’s the father?” Ryke crosses his arms, and I glower. He can’t be serious. “Loren is,” Lily answers softly. “I may have lost my kid and that’s what you ask me?” I say to this guy. Dr. Adams switches on the ultrasound monitor. “If you need a paternity test⁠—”

SO. STUPID. this doctor is so stupid.

I hug her closer, my heart pounding so hard that I wonder if she can feel it. I want him. Goddamn I want this kid more than I’ve wanted a lot of things in life.

When Daisy spins around, Ryke approaches her without hesitance or caution—he kisses her on impact with deep concern. And she holds onto his waist, her body curving towards him in acceptance and want of that embrace.

“Guess what?” She waves the papers theatrically in the air and outstretches her arms. “I’m pregnant.” Then she bows. The room is dead silent. My brother’s face falls. I go utterly still. “What?” Ryke says, his hands resting on his head. Lily’s jaw has dropped to the floor. And then Daisy straightens up with a playful smile. “Just kidding.”

IMSCREAMING. that would've been crazy. all three sisters.

I swallow and type: He’s okay.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Fuck your slut. We all know your brother will too.

are you kidding me. what do they even GAIN from this???!!

Ryke rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I’ll tell everyone to give you an hour⁠—” “Longer,” I say. Lily inhales in surprise and partial arousal. Both Ryke and I turn to look at Lil, her skin nearly blending into her red onesie. She flings a blanket over her head so Ryke can’t see her embarrassment. I can’t hold back a smile. Goddamn, I love her.

I watch Daisy and Ryke man the blender in our stainless steel kitchen. Measuring cups, cupcake trays, sugar and butter are splayed on the countertops.

Lo leans against the cupboard. He snaps back, “I’ll send you one right now if it makes you feel better.” He doesn’t even add love on the end of it, which he reserves only for me and one of his best friends.

his best friend being.....connor....

I’m known to be lazy, so I have a perfect excuse.

same, girl!

“Next time you wink at me, Richard, I’m going to scratch out your eyeball and set it on fire.” He leans closer to her, their lips a breath apart. “Go ahead and try.” Her gaze falls to his mouth, the sexual tension heightened,

“Don’t smirk at me.” Her eyes flit to his lips again and back to his deep blues. Connor’s grin only overtakes his face, arrogant and⁠— “I married an egomaniac,” Rose says. “What is wrong with me?” Okay, so maybe she’s going to come out on bottom, but I think that’s a place she likes to be in the bedroom. In my book, she won. I nod definitively.

HELPME. lily is so funny. this is cute.

“Rien du tout.” Nothing at all.

LIY. YOU UNDERSTAND??!

When I look up, I catch Ryke and Daisy flirting, two of his fingers dipping into the chocolate icing.

so it WAS flirting...... i'm getting deja vu here!

Daisy faces her older boyfriend, holding onto his belt loops, and then Ryke sucks the chocolate off, his fingers deep in his mouth, and his eyes roll back in a fake orgasm. Holy shit.

YUPPPP. HE'S DOING THE SAME THING.

Not when Mr. Clean on the Febreze bottle made me hot and bothered the other day.

LILY GET OUTTT.

“Your cookies are burnt,” he snaps at Ryke, breaking my gaze. Wait, come back. Ryke detaches from Daisy in an instant. “Fuck,” he curses and checks the tray on the stove. His brows pinch. “They look fine to me.” He flips one over, the bottom light brown. “My bad,” Lo says dryly. I open my mouth to call him over, but his back suddenly spins, like he’s icing me out. My heart lurches. Turn around. I need to know I didn’t upset him…or offend him. I usually have the best read on Lo, and I have no superpowers of mental persuasion or any magic like Connor. I am too much of a squib to fix this. Turn around. Nothing. Lo whispers with Connor, and a pit wedges even further in my lungs.

stop it. he already feels angry and out-of-control with the rumors regarding ryke.....

I look to Lo, wondering if he sees how cordial this conversation is—how unsexy we all are. My heart just keeps sinking the longer I stare at his back.

what's wrong, lo.... if he's whispering only to connor, I'M. SCARED.

His hand lowers to the small of my back, and he dips his head. His lips to my ear, he whispers, “I’m not going anywhere.” He pauses, an extended one that stops my pulse. “Lil…how aroused are you?” He would’ve checked without asking if we were alone. I flush and tilt my chin up. I whisper quickly, “I’m only aroused by you.” His face sharpens and he says, “Shhh.”

He is my soul. I am his. The moment we give up on each other is the moment that neither of us exists.

Rose has already settled in a Queen Anne chair next to me, crossing her ankles, Connor standing beside the armrest.

literal royalty. MY PARENTS.

With Connor, it’s hard to discern these things unless you’re in his head.

i miss my man's POV. i loved being in his head :')

The men, however, found you to be charming, alluring, and presentable.” My dad looks up from the paper. “I don’t take stock in their opinions since they were swayed by their dicks.” Daisy’s mouth falls. Ryke is fuming, steam practically rising off his skin.

The board is forcing him to step down, and I can’t even wrap my head around stepping up. I have a comic book business. I’m about to have a baby. Lily is hormonal and starting to regress. I’ve been sober for only four months since the last time I relapsed. Hale Co. is a multi-billion dollar company. And I still feel like a little kid playing grown-up.

The hard things are usually the right things. I know that now. “I’ll do it,” I say. I have to do it, but I’m telling the whole room that I’m going to try. My chest constricts with the weight and pressure of this statement. Of the things and responsibilities that will become mine. It all rests right on top of Halway Comics, Superheroes & Scones, my child, and our addictions. “No,” Connor and Rose say in unison, both of them glaring at me for even offering. But my dad is on cloud nine. I’ve never seen him smile like that, his pride overwhelming, and the foreign sentiment sits strangely inside me. He’s always wanted me to take over Hale Co. Not Ryke. I may be the bastard and the second-born son, but I’m the one he raised. I understand. This is my legacy—what I was always supposed to do in the end. Everything has led here.

Ryke would endure hell for eternity if it meant that I could go to heaven.

Watching someone you love in pain—and not being able to fix it—it’s agony that I don’t wish on anyone.

“She woke up to me thrusting inside of her. So I’d say yes.” My brows rise at that image. Jesus.

HER FANTASY. damn, cobalt.

The gossip site accompanied this headline with a picture of me bending down on the yacht deck. I dropped my sunglasses earlier, and a stealthy cameraman on a tugboat caught me at the worst angle. Ryke was behind me. Lo was in front of me.

that one sabrina carpenter picture.

I. Will. Not. Fall.

“You remember how we began? Us.” Us… The memory strikes me powerfully, and tears suddenly begin to brim. We were on my parent’s yacht. This yacht. This room. Almost four years ago. We were both twenty and broken and struggling to find a semblance of peace. And then he uttered the words that changed everything. Let me try to be enough for you.

“Back then,” he says, “I was so addicted to you.” He truly smiles, a very, very rare one. “I still am.”

ADDICTED. TO. YOU. :') roll the credits.

“Back then, I asked you to be my girlfriend.”

and now, i'm asking you to be my wife ????!

He pauses for a brief second, his eyes traversing across my body in hot waves. “This is going to be a million times better than that.” “Whaa…” I can’t even finish my statement. The declaration arches my back, and I try to grind against him. Closer. But he has my legs hostage, my cheeks salty and tear-streaked. I am a mess, and the way Lo is staring at me, I might actually be a sexy mess too. He suddenly drops to his knees. Oh my God. And then he lifts my legs over his shoulders. Yesyesyes.

OKAYYY.

Our doctor advised against anal sex while I’m pregnant, a restriction that’s left me more than bummed. Which is why I ask, “Are you using your fingers?” “No,” he says. And his eyes carry the answer. My eyes widen, my jaw unhinging. Sex toys.

DAMN. LILYLO.

He is grinning, his eyes full of knowing. Yes, Loren Hale. You are enough for me.

loren hale f*cks better. ™

Poppy sipping a mojito next to her. Rose shoots her looks for drinking a fruity alcoholic drink in her midst. I’m not so sad about the lack of alcohol during my pregnancy. I never drank much before it, but Rose does like her bloody marys, mimosas and red wine.

squirting sunscreen on my palm. It makes a farting noise, and I whip my head around in embarrassment, hoping no one heard. Daisy is smiling, though it’s the kind of smile that makes me feel better.

UGH SHE'S SO CUTE.

While they talk, I spot a magazine on a rack by the wall, a shirtless Zac Efron on the cover. I throb again, an ache that grows at the sight of two-dimensional abs. When did the star of High School Musical look like that? Jeez.

IMDEAD. LILY.

Looking at the deck below, I skim the row of lounge chairs absentmindedly and then land on a supreme eight-pack, with long masculine legs. I freeze and do a literal double-take at the toned body, with muscles that point towards his navy blue swim trunks, the guy’s face blocked from view thanks to the bar. My hormones do not care about my sanity. I squeeze my thighs together, hot from more than just the sun. Oh my God. I know every ridge of Loren Hale’s body, and this is not him. I burn with guilt. I would never cheat on him, I remind myself. I need a cold dip in the pool. Stat. “His body is infuriating,” Rose suddenly says beside me. I jump in fright.

BRO. IS IT CONNOR.

Oh no. Oh no. He sits up, bare feet dropping on either side of the lounge chair, and then he leans forward, in plain sight. Connor Cobalt. I just got aroused from my sister’s husband.

IMSCREAMINGGGGG. i would, too! my man, connor, is FIT.

“That’s entirely false…” His gaze falls to her breasts, much larger, even in her black two-piece and sheer cover-up dress. “…but I’ll let it go, this time.” “Watch out, Rose,” Lo says, walking onto the pool deck below us, a towel slung over his shoulder. I scan his sculpted torso from hours in the gym, the view more pleasing and less humiliating. I wish I could send my body an SOS: Loren Hale only! signal. “I heard Connor likes spanking, hard.”

HELLOOOO. connor bro.

Connor’s grin vanishes in a second. “Rose?” She puts a hand to her mouth and quickly spins to the sliding door. Connor jolts to his feet, no longer humored. He sprints out of the pool deck, towards the staircase. Rose darts inside the cabin, where she came from. To go puke, most likely. I can barely process my seesawing emotions, not when Connor runs across the second-floor deck. More concerned about his wife than anything else. He passes me and Daisy without a glance and disappears after my older sister.

stop omg. I LOVE MY CONCERNED HUSBAND. :')

“I left my sunglasses in the cabin.” Daisy lets out a mock gasp. “You mean these sunglasses?” She waves his black Wayfarers in the air and then puts them on. I take a peek, a mistake because he gives my little sister the longest once-over in history of once-overs. My breath feels shallow, and the shame starts rising like molten lava. “Cute, Calloway.”

aww.

And then my chest instantly collides with Ryke. I flinch back. “Sorry!” I shout nervously, hands raised. I catch a glimpse of him, confusion knotting his eyebrows. “Why are you fucking red?”

I LAUGHED BRO.

“Why are you so pretty?” I say. His amber eyes penetrate me. “Just think about how awful I look in the morning.” I let out a small laugh. “You’re still beautiful.” He lifts my chin so I stop staring at his lips. “Lily Calloway,” he breathes, “you’re doing really well. I’m proud of you.” My heart swells.

aw :') he can read her so well.

“Connor,” Rose says, her lounge chair scooted next to his. A paperback perched on his lap, his hand has yet to leave her bare neck. He massages her while she clutches an empty ice bucket. Rose risked vomiting again to join me outside. It takes a solid second to realize that Rose commanded him to do something since she’s out of commission. Connor needs no more info to read her well. He just stretches forward and steals my phone right from me. And then he settles back, his hand returning to Rose like nothing just happened. “That was mean,” I tell him. “I was doing important research.” “If I didn’t do it, she would’ve tried,” Connor explains, passing the cell to my sister. “And I don’t want my wife moving around.” Rose searches through the phone’s history and then gives me a cold look. I raise my hands out of the pool. “They were hard to avoid.” “The more you stare at these, the more paranoid you become. If anyone is jumping overboard, it’s me.” She went from slaughtering the boat to drowning herself. I take it that she’s feeling pretty lousy still. Connor flips a page in his book and says something in French. She replies back, shutting her eyes tightly. He pulls her closer to his side, his arm sliding around her shoulders. Hugging her in comfort. He whispers another French word and then kisses her forehead.

so cute :') always so comforting.

Connor ditches his book to scroll through his phone, glimpsing at Rose every half minute to check on her.