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“In a group of fourteen—ten men and four women, average age forty-two—every single goddamn female found Ryke Meadows, my eldest son, vulgar, aggressive, threatening, and I quote, ‘a hazard to children everywhere.’”
HAHAHAHAHA
Our dad flashes the paper at us, and instead of typed sentences, all I see are pen scribbles. “My notes,” he clarifies. “Five men labeled you as a work-in-progress. The other five saw no silver lining with you. And a seventy-five-year-old said, I quote, ‘if he spits in the face of a cameraman, what’s to say he wouldn’t spit in our faces?’ A wise statement.”
'my notes'
I swallow hard, cursing my body. I had to even stop watching Teen Wolf this season for this very reason.
“Cobalt, are you calling me a fucking zebra?” Ryke interjects. “Don’t be offended,” Connor says, not denying it. “Almost every animal plays a role in the kingdom. Even zebras.”
Connor is too conceited. Rose is too high-strung. Daisy is too wild. Ryke is too aggressive. Lily is too awkward. I’m too hateful. Sam and Poppy are just right. And I wonder if they’re the ideal we should all be striving for. Or if we should just accept our nature and continue as we are.
Rose’s mouth drops. “Loren—” “Holster your broomstick,” I tell her.
“I hoped you would roll over,” Connor quips. “I didn’t even get to rub your belly.” Ryke is not amused.
And he’s a part of my life. Thank God. Or rather, thank him. Yeah, I smile, he’d want me to rephrase that.
Connor stays impassive at the insult. “I’m not a knight in shining armor, and I’ve never insinuated myself to be one. I leave that to the men who like to straddle horses and prance around in meadows.”
PLS
“I have a confession to make,” Daisy pipes in, raising her hand as she sits on the sink. “When I was younger, I totally had a crush on Lo.”
I just love her
“You’re calling a meeting during the witching hour. Trying to harness your black magic, Rose?”
It’s love like this that’s worth living for.
“Thanks, Lo, you’re so sweet,” he tells her. “I could hug you but I haven’t oiled my rusted joints this morning.”
DEAD HAAAHAH
Lily Calloway (only spoke to two women last meeting and hid by a plant)
I don’t think any of us imagined human life to be this powerful. I always pictured it as a bad thing—bringing a kid into a world of pain, misery, heartache. What’s the goddamn point? And I can’t answer it in words. The point is in every feeling that ripples through my veins and grips my bones. It’s something that shrinks the universe to a single place and slows time to a millisecond. It’s too deep to articulate.
“I almost never explain this to anyone…most people wouldn’t view me the way I’d want them to. They wouldn’t really understand. So I just keep it to myself.”
“I admire certain qualities in almost every person, but I don’t think like everyone else. My ideas and beliefs would be considered strange, and I’ve lived by the notion that I understand me, even if everyone else sees someone lesser, someone…they need. But as long as I know who I am, nothing else matters.”
“I believe in attraction between people. To me, heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality—they’re just terms and constructs that people have built over the years.” He meets my eyes. “Like boxes that we have to fit in. I don’t fit into a box, Lo. I don’t want to fit in one.”
QUEER KING.
“For what it’s worth,” I tell Connor, “it’s kind of extraordinary you can transcend sexual orientations. You’re like an amoeba.”
“Amoebas are asexual,” he says. “I’m more like a god.”
Because the minute they place our baby on Lily’s chest is the minute that
I feel a piece of me that I’d been keeping submerged.
And I feel all of it course inside. I’d been unwilling to let myself experience this. I’d been filling the hollow...
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I’m done with that...
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“What can I say, I like when people share in my misery.”
I point at Connor. “Kinky. Hardcore.” Connor leans against the treadmill with a larger grin. “You forgot infallible genius.”
Meeeee
Revisiting bad memories doesn’t have the same impact on me that it did a year ago. I can touch them without splintering.
Me 08/08/2025
I feel like I’m walking a mile in Lily’s shoes.
FUCKING HARDLY. A step at fucking most
“Children,” Connor interrupts now,
I’m sitting here, in the company of my sisters and their significant others, thinking about cock and cake frosting.
ELOQUENT AF
“Why don’t you write a fucking book?” he says. “You could call it: Perks of Dating a Female Sex Addict.” “Or you could write one,” I shoot back, rising to my feet. “Perks of Having the Hots for a Sixteen-Year-Old Supermodel and Having to Wait until She Turns Eighteen, Only to be Cock-Blocked by Your Bastard Half-Brother.” I flash a bitter smile. “That title needs some work,” Connor says, clipping on his Rolex watch. “And that’s if we all agree Ryke can write a full-length novel.”
It’s like embracing the happiest parts of yourself. I can’t quite explain what it feels like—but I’m certain it’s somewhere near heaven.
I believed that I wasn’t vocal or strong enough to confront her, but I have a reason to try now.
“I’ve always loved you, Lily. You’re my daughter.” She draws back and brushes my tears away, careful to not poke me with her manicured nails. “I’m sorry if I didn’t show it in the way you wanted…” It’s a backhanded apology, but one I cherish very much. Partly because I know it may be all I ever receive.
I thought it was going to be hard—being selfless. But when you love someone with the deepest parts of your soul, they become your biggest exception. I know he’s ours.
“What’d he do to you?” Lo asks in jest. “Steal your broomstick?”
I wonder, if all this time, I just needed to believe in myself. And then I’d receive this response. It overwhelms me in ways I can’t explain.
And if I want to live my life as a better, more whole person, this is what I have to do. It’s like I can breathe with every sentence. I’m no longer dreading my future.
For the first time, I yearn for tomorrow and cherish yesterday and live for today. It’s peace that no one will take from me.
“Today, tomorrow—be wild, Calloway.”
“Their argument was that all teenagers like to have fun, and I should remember being their age and doing the same exact things myself. As a result, I should let this pass.” Connor
No one can really pinpoint a reason why and when someone grows courage.
“Just so you know, your jealousy keeps me warm at night,” Connor says and then winks.
I’m forever waiting for it to trend.
Our lives are meteor showers on rewind. I don’t think we even knew what we’d be once we pieced ourselves back.
Maybe we do belong in space with all the stable, constant stars. We’re just the more destructive, more disastrous chaotic pieces, the comets that head towards earth.
“Oh look at that, she put a spell on me,” Lo says dryly.
“And with what username are you taking control back with?” he asks her. “@Callowitch, hashtag spank me?”
OMG
And hashtag, I loathe you.”
