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Rose clears her throat to rein everyone’s focus. “Hairball?” Lo questions.
LMAO
He stares down into me and says, “I’ll keep her safe.” My eyes well with tears while my lips pull high. “Against the world, Loren Hale?” “Yeah,” he nods. “Against the world, Lily Calloway. I’m familiar with that battle.”
MY HEART
“Since Connor gave me that thesaurus for Christmas.” Rose said it was a rude present, but he took the time to scribble notes in the margins. Like the word bastard, he wrote: the best looking one is in your arms. A literal truth. I run my hands along Lo’s shoulder muscles. “He highlighted all the cool words for me.”
The parts of me that I love the most are the parts that belong to her.
“Back then,” he says, “I was so addicted to you.” He truly smiles, a very, very rare one. “I still am.”
My eyes sting with emotion. Loren Hale is laughing. It shouldn’t be a rare phrase. But it is. I am most happy when he is happy.
“If I’m spineless, then every man in comparison is an annelid.” My father’s brows shoot up. “An anus?” Rose cuts in, “A worm.”
HELP
From our pretend weddings, to our pretend relationship—in the end, it’s all become reality. And I would love to never, ever grow up with Lily Calloway. In one universe, we’ll be young forever.
Is this the beginning of a Raisy fight? I will not let this happen. I interject, physically standing between them by the shut door.
lily being the biggest raisy champion is taking me out
Lily is beaming, and she pumps two fists in the air and does a short victory circle in the middle of the hall. When she realizes that she’s doing this for real and not in her head, she flushes bright. “Oh…”
I LOVE HER
This is the hardest part about having friends, watching another life unfold in a messier way than it should. And not being able to help.
This birth should’ve scared me more, for when Maximoff comes. But I’m no longer saddled with these fears. I want this imperfect, perfect kid. Flaws and all. Because he’s a life I’m meant to give. Because he’s a part of Lily. And because—he’s my son.
I AM NOT OKAY
In navy pajama pants, Connor cradles the small baby in a pale pink onesie, feeding her a bottle.
“Maximoff is a good fucking name. It’s strong.” My dad butts in, “It’s strong until a kid calls him Maxi Pad.” “Says the man who named me Loren,” I retort.
I CANT
“You two are so adorable,” Lo says dryly. “Please return to the pantry.”
Maria literally wants to be Rose. I fear for the world.
“You’re my liability because I love you. The night you relapsed, I thought you were going to die.” He pauses. “…and that fact nearly crippled me. I couldn’t even drive, Lo.” He shakes his head like he doesn’t want to imagine that night. “I care about you, what happens to you, and it’s a weakness any way I look at it. Like your father once asked, what do I get out of it? I told him the truth. I get your friendship. That’s all I want.”
I AM SOBBING
In his eyes, I’m some kind of perfect.
“I’ve always loved you, you know,” I breathe. I can’t stop staring at her. She’s been through every piece of my life with me. And it’s overwhelming and incomprehensible. The universe that I want to be in is the one where Lily walks through that shower door. Every time.
“For you, darling, anything,” he smiles genially, but I trace grief in his blue eyes. Or maybe that’s just my own. Ryke interjects, “You haven’t even heard the fucking favor yet. Keep it in your pants, Cobalt.” “Just so you know, your jealousy keeps me warm at night,” Connor says and then winks. Ryke flips him off.
But there is another future that is full of promise and certainty, even with the knowledge of our pasts. It’s this future that I’m clawing to obtain. It’s the one where he knows that he was conceived from love. That no one and nothing can deprive him of that notion. Because nothing and no one brings doubt into his head.
After truly knowing Ryke, I can’t fathom shutting the door on a sibling. It’s a bond that’s different than a friendship. One that hurts more if it breaks, but when it’s whole, it means everything.
In front of the couch on the carpet, Ryke sits beside Maximoff who rattles a comic book like it’s a damn maraca. While my brother plays with him, my son chews on the corner of Young Avengers.
“For fuck’s sake, okay. I got it.” He pries the defiled comic book out of Moffy’s clutch and then lifts the baby in his arms. Moffy laughs, like a giggle. My lips rise. My brother’s not too bad with my kid.
Ryke has been a great big brother to me. And if I can pay it forward and do the same for her, I’ll try my hardest. I may not be the best at anything, but I can be better than mediocre.
AWWW
“You and me and Maximoff, we’re going to make new beginnings.” I add, “With no sad endings.” His smile lights up his face. I love that it returned one more time. “No sad endings, love. Those aren’t meant for us.” Good. I’m ready for a happy one.
“Someone needs to spank him twenty-six times—not me,” I clarify quickly. “I’m not touching Ryke’s butt.”
please never change lily calloway
I adjust my white fuzzy Wampa cap on my head, and then I tug the flaps of a mini-Wampa cap over Maximoff’s ears. Rose sewed the Star Wars one for Moffy, and his cuteness has now broken all cute scales.
STOP IT RN THE WAMPA HAT SAGA CONTINUES
“Love,” I breathe, my heart aching. I hug her closer, melding her small, wiry frame to my body. And my lips brush her ear. “You and me.” She chokes on a laugh. “Lily and Lo.” My chest swells. “We’re going to make it in the end.” I smile wide because I can see it now. God, I can see it. It’s closer than I ever realized.
The moment I drop my hand, Lo returns, and I perk up as I see who he’s brought with him. Maximoff Hale. Our baby, dressed in a red onesie that says: Avenger in Training. His little tufts of dark brown hair are smoothed down, and he sleeps in Lo’s arms with his mouth open. We no longer poke at him to ensure that he’s alive. Lo is holding our son. The baby that we created together. Half of him and half of me.
Ryke shoots me a dirty (the non-sexual kind of dirty) look. “Please tell me that wasn’t your high school fucking motto.” This is protective Ryke coming forth. (The non-sexual kind of coming.)
I lean against the stove. “Are you going to name your kids Wild or Pony?” “Shut the fuck up,” Ryke says lightly, and he even laughs. “Pony Meadows, really?”
IM CACKLING
I give up. Maybe in another life, I was cupid and foretold every relationship there ever was. I smile at that thought. I prophesied them all except my very own.
I LOVE LILY CALLOWAY
He will always be the biggest hero in my world.
i <3 ryke meadows
Ryke smiles back, like he’s proud of me. “It’s yours, little brother. I believe in you.”
He is ice and scotch, sharp and dizzying—breathtakingly gorgeous. And when he looks at me, I see those thousands of memories course through his gaze. The seven-year-old us performing a backyard ceremony. The nine-year-old us racing around his father’s mansion. The fifteen-year-old us flipping through comic books on his bed. We have consumed each other from day one. And we truly never let go.
im crying so hard i cant see the words
“I speak for everyone here today,” he tells us, “when I say that you two—Lily and Loren—are the strongest people we’ve all ever had the honor to meet.”
“If someone ever asks how long we’ve spent together, I’d say for as long as my mind stretches back. I can’t tell you the day that I fell in love with you because there wasn’t a single day that I didn’t.” My voice shakes with more joy than I’ve ever known. “You have the purest parts of my heart, and I’m certain that in every alternate universe, I’m always, always in love with you.”
My family. My wife. My son. Never did I think I’d be the recipient of fragile, precious things.
if only lo from book one could see him now
