More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
We are people. Real. Living breathing things that have breaking points. I want to scream it all, but I can’t utter one single goddamn word. Everything is caged in my lungs.
She’s too cool for me, and she’s my little sister. I don’t even think she realizes the effect she has on a lot of people. When she smiles, usually everyone does too. Maybe that’s why Daisy’s sadness hurts so much. It’s like watching a Care Bear cry.
She twists the baseball cap front-ways and lowers it, blocking her eyes from him and everyone else. Her body vibrates with heavier tears, and I’m not sure how to comfort her. She feels like she failed herself, upset that she had a panic attack over paintball guns and caused a scene. Ryke holds her tightly, and her slender arms wrap around his bare chest. An impenetrable stone in a raging storm. That’s what Ryke Meadows has always been.
breathe deeply. This is a new Loren Hale. One who has learned from all of his mistakes. One that understands right and wrong and every gray, messy part in between. It’s a better Loren, the version of himself that he has been fighting for all along. I’m so overwhelmed by his proclamation that I have to quickly wipe tears before they appear.
And then he suddenly says, “I want a girl.” His smile vanishes with his words. I want it to return. “Why?” I whisper. I think I know. “I don’t want our kid to turn out like me,” he says, the angles of his face more tortured looking than before. “Spiteful and bitter—a complete fucking asshole.” He shakes his head, his gaze dropping. “I want him to be like you.”
Then Daisy raises her fist to me with a sunny expression that makes my life seem better than it is. I look up at my brother who meets my eyes. I get it. Why he loves her. She’s a light in a dark place. Even when she’s going through deep shit too. Daisy and Ryke are the definition of selfless.
This time, instead of asking Lo to drive, Ryke climbs in the backseat with Daisy, ahead of us. He’d rather take care of his girlfriend than drive a cool car. If I was allowed on social media, I’d document this moment and upload it, literal cute proof that Raisy is meant to be.
I don’t want to lose this kid that I never even wanted. He’s a piece of me and Lily, and most people would consider that a tainted, damaged thing. But the more I think about it—and the longer she carries our child—I recognize all of the good parts of us. They fucking exist. And there is a hope, a chance, that he could be more than what I am. That he could be better than me.
I’ve walked through life with a blindfold, hoping I didn’t crash into things, sometimes praying that I did. Preparation has never been my thing. My life is a “toss this dart at me” kind of random. Let’s see which body part it pierces.
Ryke would endure hell for eternity if it meant that I could go to heaven. Once upon a time, I think I would’ve let him. Not anymore. He deserves his paradise. So I’ll fight against my brother. I’ll fight against Lily and Daisy for this position. The winner is the loser. And this cage has my name on it.
Watching someone you love in pain—and not being able to fix it—it’s agony that I don’t wish on anyone.
My eyes snap open. Oh. We’re seemingly level. “It’s an illusion,” I tell him. “A trick. Next thing you know a boggart will come out of these drawers.” Boggarts are kind of cool in the Harry Potter world. It’s definitely an excuse to use a Patronus spell. Lo is trying hard not to smile, but his cheeks dimple. “There’s a problem, Lil. Neither of us are wizards.”
“You remember how we began? Us.” Us… The memory strikes me powerfully, and tears suddenly begin to brim. We were on my parent’s yacht. This yacht. This room. Almost four years ago. We were both twenty and broken and struggling to find a semblance of peace. And then he uttered the words that changed everything. Let me try to be enough for you. “You remember,” Lo breathes, his thumb brushing a stray tear. “It was here.” My voice is a whisper.
“Because Dad said yes to keeping you? Decent people don’t use that to blackmail their children. You had no choice in coming into this fucking world. You should have a choice on what you do with your life afterwards. And he’s taking that away from you.”
And consider yourself lucky that only three out of eight people pray you choke on it.” I’m guessing that’s Ryke, Lo, and Rose. The hot-tempered triad. I smile again, even though this is not the time to be smiling like a dopey fool. I just never really saw the three of them as a team like that until now.
Inside lies a slice of molten chocolate cake. Connor’s grin has nothing on Daisy’s bright smile, a contagious one that causes our lips to lift just as high. Even Rose is showing off her pearly whites. Chocolate cake. That is what all four guys had been searching for. Not cigars. It’s possibly one of the sweetest, kindest gestures I’ve seen. Because it’s something that Daisy loves. Ryke lights the waxy candle, and then he messes her hair with a rough, caring hand. And we all start to sing happy birthday. Daisy looks around at us, and her eyes begin to glass with tears.
Connor is too conceited. Rose is too high-strung.
Daisy is too wild. Ryke is too aggressive. Lily is too awkward. I’m too hateful. Sam and Poppy are just right.
And then Connor’s deep blue eyes meet mine, and he smiles at me, a genuine one that he only reserves for friends. He can slice through arguments, lower boiling points and keep our friendship intact, not even remotely awkward after we just kissed. And he’s a part of my life. Thank God. Or rather, thank him. Yeah, I smile, he’d want me to rephrase that.
From our pretend weddings, to our pretend relationship—in the end, it’s all become reality. And I would love to never, ever grow up with Lily Calloway. In one universe, we’ll be young forever.
There’s something about Lily that makes all the terrible parts of me seem irrelevant. That makes a bad day momentary and a good one infinite. It’s love like this that’s worth living for.
I don’t give a shit. Maybe some people don’t deserve second chances. But I’m worthy of this moment and this girl and this life I live and the one I created. No one can tell me otherwise. Because the minute they place our baby on Lily’s chest is the minute that I feel a piece of me that I’d been keeping submerged. She’s already in tears, joy erupting through her features. And I feel all of it course inside. I’d been unwilling to let myself experience this. I’d been filling the hollow places with pain, and I’m done.
I can’t help but smile, and I kiss Lo quickly on the lips. I want to say: you’re easily lovable, Loren Hale. But sadly, that’s not true for most people he meets. I fell in love with Lo like a little girl opening her heart to magic. It always seemed surreal until the moment it became true.
