Hendrix

by Kelsey Clayton

I go to walk past him, but he stops me and cages me in with my back against the counter. He's so close, his intoxicating cologne is fogging up my mind and making it hard to remember how to breathe. “For example, if I met you at a party, I'd get this close.” He looks down at the small distance between us. “And I'd look you up and down, while subtly licking my lips.” His actions follow his words, and I'm fucking mesmerized. “I'd stare deep into your eyes, and make a comment about how the light reflects just right, making them sparkle. And when you were least expecting it, I'd lean in”—his nose brushes mine and my breath hitches—“and I'd kiss you. You know, if I met you at a party.” He pulls away and takes a step back. It takes everything in me not to acknowledge the heavy disappointment in my chest. “Still think I've got no game?” he asks, winking as he walks backward out of the room. And then he's gone, and I need to catch my breath.

“I don't know how you don't see how much you want—” I cut her off by kicking her leg under the table and she yelps. “What the hell was that for?” I use my eyes to gesture toward Brenna. The last thing I need is for her to get some little fantasy in her head of Colby and me getting back together. She may think that's what she wants, but she's only five. She doesn't know what she's talking about. Mads groans. “A salad. I don't know how you don't see how much you want a salad.” “Because I don't.” “Not even if it's covered in delicious dressing and calling your name like a love song?” Okay, now she's teasing. “No, because sometimes salads aren't good for you and can lead to really bad choices.” She rolls her eyes. “Well, you can't know if it's a bad choice until you've tried it. And don't bring up seven years ago. This is different.” Brenna giggles. “I know what you guys are talking about. You’re not tricking me.” My brows furrow at my little girl. “Oh yeah, smarty pants? And what are we talking about?” “Maddie wants you to date my dad.”

“I think she's right,” Brenna says, like she has an opinion on my relationship status. “He's always happy when he's around you.” “Is he now?” Maddie asks with excessive enthusiasm. I shake my head. “All right, you two. Enough about my love life.” I focus all my attention on Maddie.

He rips the door open to the restaurant and immediately grabs Brenna. She buries her face in his neck, clearly feeling uncomfortable with everything. He looks me up and down. “Are you all right?” I nod. “A little shaken up, but I'll be fine. I'm sorry I interrupted practice.” He shakes his head and grabs my chin. “Never, ever, apologize for keeping our daughter, or you, safe. Ever.” I swallow the lump in my throat but say nothing. As he turns to lead us outside, Maddie elbows me and makes a face. Trust me, I already know.

As Colby pulls away, he dials a number, and Selena's voice comes through the speaker within seconds. “Is everything okay?” she asks. “No,” he growls. “I want restraining orders for Saige and Brenna, and I want them now!” Selena sighs into the phone. “Absolutely. I'll have them for you within the hour.”

“You're absolutely impossible. Do you know that?” “Why? Because I don't want to play Russian roulette with my daughter's life?” Maddie raises one brow. “Okay, no one is holding a gun to her head, Miss Overdramatic.” “Still. What if things end up going just as wrong as they did last time? I'm stuck with him for the rest of my life, and I can't be the reason he leaves Brenna again.” “No, no,” she stops me. “There is no again. As much as he was a total dick for that letter, he didn't leave her because he didn't even know she existed. He left you, and that sucks, and I hated him for it for a long-ass time. But now? If you honestly believe that he would let something between you two affect his relationship with Brenna, you haven't been paying attention.”

“Why are you leaving?” I huff. “Why do you care? You looked like you had all the company you needed right inside.” He throws his head back. “Come on. Don't be like that.” “I'm not being like anything, Colby. You go do what you do best. Like you showed me yourself, you've got game.” Running his fingers through his hair, he throws his hands in the air. “I have no idea what you want from me. You rejected me, remember? And now you're jealous because I'm having a conversation with someone?”

I'm out of line, I know, but there's so much adrenaline coursing through my body that I can't even reason with myself. “I'm not jealous.” “No?” He smirks and steps closer. “Then look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't wish for a second that it was you I was flirting with.” My mouth opens and I try to say it, but I can't. I groan in frustration and step backward. “Do you think I want to feel like this? That I want to be afraid of letting my guard down with you? Dammit, Colby, I would do anything to take the way it felt when you left and erase it from my memory. It changed me in ways you can’t even begin to comprehend. So, fuck you very much.” I stop and take a deep breath, feeling all my vulnerability rushing to the surface. “But fuck me for still loving you anyway.” His expression softens, and in one swift move, he grabs the back of my neck and presses his lips to mine for the first time in almost seven years.

She lets go in an instant and breaks the kiss. It doesn't take her speaking for me to know what's going through her mind right now. I can see it all over her face. Regret. Shame. Sorrow. But I can also see it in her eyes—the part of her that wants this just as bad as I do. I'm not delusional and I'm sure as hell not blind. She can act like this can't happen all she wants, but she's fighting herself just as much as she's fighting me. “I have to go,” she murmurs. I step back to let her get off the car. “Don't. Just talk to me.” She shakes her head. “No. I really have to go.” There's nothing I can do. My only option is to stand here and watch as she walks away, no matter how much it hurts.

ASHER'S COUCH ISN'T NEARLY as comfortable as it looks, but sulking at my house where Saige can see me isn't exactly attractive. I told her I would bring Brenna to practice with me tonight, but other than that, we haven't spoken since she all but told me things between us are never going to happen. It's a shitty thing to hear, especially when it comes from the only person you've ever been able to see yourself with. If she would just give it a chance, I'd show her that not everything broken is irreparable. But I can't. She won't let me.

“Are you nervous?” Asher asks me. “Definitely.” “Are you going to chicken out?” It's a loaded question, but as Saige's gaze meets mine and she smiles, the answer has never been more clear. I need her, and not in the way you need the newest iPhone or a car to get to work. I need her in the same way I need oxygen to breathe. If this doesn't go my way, I don't know that I'll ever be the same. “Absolutely not.”

It all comes down to this. If she still turns me down, there's nothing else I can do to change her mind. Just as Lennon planned, Saige turns the corner and comes running toward me. “Is everything okay? Why'd you walk off?” My whole body trembles as I stare back at her. “Seven years ago, I made a choice, and it was the wrong one. I hurt you, and that's something I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life. But, no matter how many people I was around, I've never found someone who gets me the way you do.” I take a deep breath, fully understanding what I'm doing and how my life can change from what I'm about to do. Still, she's worth it.

“You were right when you said you deserve someone who is going to put you first.” I take the helmet off my head and toss it at her feet. “And that's exactly what I'm doing.” Her brows furrow as she looks down at the helmet and back up at me. “For the longest time, I thought football was it for me, but that was before you.” I sigh and shake my head. “I made the mistake of picking this sport over you before, when there wasn't even a choice that needed to be made. I was a stupid kid who didn't know what he was doing, but I'm not that same kid anymore

I take off my gloves and drop them onto the ground. “So, if you want me to give it all up—if that's what it will take for me to get you back—then say the words. I'll take your hand and walk right out that door. I swear to God.” A tear slips out and rolls down her cheek. “You don't know what you're saying.” “No, babe.” I shake my head. “That's where you're wrong, because for the first time, I know exactly what I want. I’ve had you, and I’ve had my dream, and I know which one I want more.” She turns away, and my heart drops, but I'm not giving up that easily. I step up behind her and can hear the way she sniffles. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, I spin her around to face...

After the game ended, and they secured yet another win, I expected to leave alone. Celebrating their wins with after parties is a bit of a tradition. But Colby surprised me when he draped an arm around my shoulders and told me that the only place he wanted to be was home.

Maddie agreed to pick Brenna up from school, and I have the whole day planned for us.” I all but choke on my sip of orange juice. “You're conspiring with Maddie now?” His mouth forms one of his panty-dropping smiles, and he shrugs. “We have something in common.” “Oh? And what is that exactly?” “A desire for you to have everything you deserve in life.”

Before I can move myself, he grabs me and maneuvers my body so my head rests on his chest. He pulls my hand up to his mouth and presses a kiss to my knuckles. “I never want to be without you again.” I sigh, feeling exactly the same way. “You won't be.”

I step out to the edge and stare at the city beneath me. It's all lit up but looks so tiny from this far up. Colby steps up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. He kisses my shoulder and rests his chin on it afterward. “There were times where missing you got so unbearable that I just had to get away for a little bit,” he says. “I used to come up here and it felt like I could see the whole world. I would just sit here for hours and wonder where you were and if you were happy.” I hold his arms to me and make sure he doesn't let go, but I can't ignore the elephant in the room. “No offense, but you didn't exactly seem lonely.” He hums. “They were all just nameless faces. People I used to try to numb the pain and forget the world for a little bit. But none of them even came close to making me feel an ounce of what you do. It's like I've been chasing a feeling in all the wrong directions.” Spinning me around in his arms, he pulls back and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, staring deep into my eyes. “I love you, Saige, and I'm so sorry I never told you that when I had the chance.” My heart melts at his words and a breathy laugh leaves my mouth. “I love you, too.”

In a few short minutes, I'm going to go out on stage, and admit to everyone watching that Brenna is my daughter. There isn't a single part of me that doesn't want to do it. I want the whole world to know she's mine. But that doesn't make me any less nervous. Putting her in the spotlight is one thing. People speculate and toss around rumors like it's their job, but confirming it is something else entirely. She won't just be the cute little girl in my life anymore. She'll be known as Colby Hendrix's daughter. Her entire life is about to change, and she doesn't even know it.

“Now, a lot of people have been speculating that you are, in fact, her father,” she says, and glances back at the screen. “I mean, who wouldn't wonder, with those killer dimples you both seem to possess.” “They're our secret weapon!” Brenna tells her excitedly, making everyone laugh. “And what a great secret weapon to have.” She pauses to add dramatic effect. “So, Colby. I like things cut, dry, and simple, so I'm just going to come out and ask. Is she yours?” I look down at Brenna, who blinks up at me with green eyes that match my own and a smile that could melt icebergs. “Yeah. She’s my daughter.” Brenna giggles as the whole place erupts, and I tickle her sides. When I glance over at Saige, she's wiping away a tear and flips me off when I silently tease her for it. I kiss Brenna's forehead and send her back over to her mom.