Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

by Jessica Fern

Commitment can be expressed in many ways. Traditionally it is solidified through marriage, owning property, having kids or wearing certain types of jewelry, but legal, domestic or ornamental undertakings are not the only ways to show dedication. In a 2018 talk on solo polyamory at the Boulder Non-Monogamy Talk Series, Kim Keane offered the following ways that people practicing nonmonogamy can demonstrate commitment to their partners: Sharing intimate details (hopes, dreams, fears) and being vulnerable with each other. Introducing partners to people who are important to you. Helping your partners with moving, packing, homework, job hunting, shopping, etc. Having regular time together, both mundane and novel. Making the person a priority. (I suggest defining what “being a priority” means to each of you.) Planning trips together. Being available to partners when they are sick or in need. Collaborating on projects together. Having frequent communication. Offering physical, logistical or emotional support (e.g. at doctor’s appointments or hospital visits or by helping with your partners’ family, pets, car, children, taxes, etc.).