When we rely on the structure of our relationship, whether that is through being monogamous with someone or practicing hierarchical forms of CNM, we run the risk of forgetting that secure attachment is an embodied expression built upon how we consistently respond and attune to each other, not something that gets created through structure and hierarchy.
Yup! It is so easy to lean on the structures of a relationship and to use those structures as 'cover' for attachemnt-related issues. And, those structures are so well-entrenched in monog-normative socialization that we often believe them to be the healthy underpinning of a relationship. Unlearning the primacy of structure and hierarchy has been a fascinating part of my poly journey.
