First Date

by Sue Watson

‘Yeah, but if he’s honest, and doesn’t play games, then why should I wait?’ She

Because theres a difference between being desperate and actually being smart and unattached to the outcome

I like how that sounds, like the two of us already have a history, we belong.

Youve only been on one date and youre calling this history?????

my appetite always diminishes when I fall for someone.

anxious attachment

my slightly needy but well-meaning friend

YOURE calling HER needy?????

with my new boyfriend,

Girl.... Y'all arent exclusive nor have made it exclusive, that takes TIME

Just because my mum was an addict doesn’t mean I am,

Ummmmmmmmmmm.... Well right off the bat girlie you have an addictive personality when it comes to men....

‘You’ve had two good dates and suddenly you think you’re the authority on what constitutes a relationship.’

Go off jas

we have access to therapy, but it didn’t really work for me.

Huh i wonder why that is

I’m an intuitive person. Surely I would have picked up any potential weirdness by now.

Bro you blew past all the previous red flags.... Youre not intuitive, youre delulu

can just as easily grind some Rohypnol into tea, so your choice?’

Whoa what?!?!

Someone cooking for me, being kind, and attentive – I’m looking for the downside. Do you have one?’

Why would you even ask that??????

I feel a sweep of relief: he likes me, and I like him, and we just have to get over these initially awkward first dates and I’m sure something good will start to happen.

You were so concerned on whether he liked you more than you liking him....

‘Firstly, I’m not beautiful…’

Wow low self esteem much????

‘This young guy’s homeless and been accused of stabbing his friend. But I believe with all my heart that he’s being accused of a crime he didn’t commit. I was the duty solicitor on the night he was brought in, and I knew instantly he wasn’t capable of such a violent act.’

I dont think youre allowed to talk openly about cases youre working on..

I even followed her out of the store, at a distance, and watched her go down the road, I was so worried about the child.

Thats not creepy at all...

right. I mean, all you’re doing is asking them to behave a certain way – you’re only doing it for them, but they can’t see that.’

uhhhhhhhh... Control freak much?

‘I give a lot – but I expect a lot,’ he adds.

Um i feel like this could be a smoking gun

And all those feelings, the hurt… came flooding back. I mean, I’m over her,’

Doesnt sound like it

the scariest question, is he still in love with his ex?

am dizzy with jealousy – and desire. Desire for him, for us, for this life together, here.

Seriously girl?

After a lifetime of being second best, not quite the real thing, is this someone who might finally make me feel like their number one?

Bro make yourself number one and youll never allow anyone or anything make you feel second best

But why has the pen been slashed right through her face, like a knife?

Red flag

‘What are you doing?’ I ask, surprised. ‘I’m opening them.’ ‘They’re for Harry,’ I say, aware I sound rather childish. ‘I know,’ he answers, continuing to twist, still not taking his eyes from mine. ‘Don’t open them, Alex, I’m warning you…’ I say, joking, but wishing he’d take the hint and put them back in the carrier bag. ‘I’m going to give them to him tomorrow.’ Alex twists once more. ‘He likes… Smarties,’ I say desperately, as he twists harder and pulls the lid off the tub. ‘So do I.’ He throws his head back and pours the brightly coloured chocolate sweets into his mouth.

What a lack of respect.... Red flag

I kept it going for too long, but it’s hard to break up with someone when technically they haven’t done anything wrong.’

Thats what was wrong... He didnt put in effort.

Tom hardly did anything right either,

THATS WHATS WRONG YOU DUMB BITCH

I’m sure he would have made it himself, he probably just didn’t have the time, so it’s not an untruth exactly.

Oh look shes making excuses for him...

ask to meet him before work, and ten minutes later, I’m sitting in the window of Costa Coffee in the centre of Worcester.

WHYYYYYY????

‘It’s called being in love, Tom, something you know nothing about.’

More like manipulation.. But go on

He’s mentioned this before, soon after I told him about the note and roses. I like that he cares, but sometimes I think he worries too much.

Its called coercive control

I realise it’s been difficult for her to see me so caught up in Alex when her relationship has so recently backfired, but I wish she’d be a little more supportive.

BUT SHES RIGHT TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR WELL BEING!!!!

‘There’s a difference between being controlling – which I think is what you’re saying – and caring. And, trust me, I do know the difference,’

Do you? Because you got them rose colored glasses on

but it’s like she’s putting Alex between us.

YOURE doing that and SHES calling you out on it

‘You’re wrong, it wasn’t like that – I just stayed at his because he wanted me to.’

Girl red flag

‘Are you sure it’s not called being controlled?’

Go off jas

‘Well, I don’t see red flags,

You CHOOSE not to see red flags

if those are red flags then bring it on.

Bro its called developing CODEPENDENCY... Thats not a good thing

To my mind, they’re signs of a reciprocal, healthy relationship,

Well you're a lil cukoo for coco puffs

Because when Alex and I are still together ten years from now, I will say ‘I told you so.’ And Jas will realise she was wrong to judge Alex by the men she goes out with.

Jesus girl not even a month gooes by and you think you're gonna be with him in 10 years?????

I’ve had enough of her comments and, thanks to her, it seems the whole bloody office has an opinion on my love life.

If you kept your mouth shut from the beginning.... You wouldnt be in this situation.....

I can’t help but feel a bit tearful as I drive over to Chloe Thomson’s house.

He's got you under his spell babe... He lovebombed you and has you just right where he wants you

I nod enthusiastically, knowing Alex will love them as much as she does.

BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU... Do YOU like them for yourself?????

this is what love does to a person. It makes you crazy, your judgement becomes clouded and irrational.

Thats what unhealthy love does to someone

Is he the perfect man I thought he was, or has this whole thing been a lie?

Its all been a lie babes

But I don’t want to have the difficult conversation and I don’t want to hear him lie to me.

Youre gonna have to have difficult conversations babes

‘Nothing, just – you don’t talk to me all day, you ignore my calls and texts, but apparently you have time to discuss things with Harry.’

WHAT A DICK

my Mr Right,

More like mr wrong

And, in a fleeting Bridget Jones moment, I confess I even allowed myself to hope that he’d taken a female friend to help choose an engagement ring for me. That he’d turn up tonight and go down on one knee, wrapping my worry up in a bright-red bow and handing it back to me for Christmas.

Girl really???

I know now that Helen’s betrayal affected him a lot, so I can understand his trust issues.

But its not your fault he had this problem before youuuuu

‘Yesterday you didn’t know the situation, so I can forgive you, but now you do know – I’ve told you everything, and it’s the truth. So please don’t accuse me of cheating,’

Gaslightinggggggg

I have to give this a chance, to work through the problems and see what’s there.

Yeah but how long are you going to do this before it becomes a problem ????