How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self

by Nicole LePera

Thoughts serve a purpose; they allow us to problem solve, create, and form connections. There is, however, such a thing as relying too much on our thoughts. When we’re in the “monkey mind,” as the Buddha first described it, we never stop thinking; our thoughts jumble together; there is no space to breathe and examine them.

You can’t eat better, stop drinking, love your partner, or improve yourself in any way until you become transparent to yourself.

Because if you intuitively know what you need to do to change for the better—why don’t you do it? It’s not a moral failure; it’s because you’re stuck repeating these more or less automatic behavioral patterns.

How did I get here?

This means that we are making active choices during only a small sliver of our days and letting our subconscious run the show the rest of the time.

When we do try to push ourselves out of our autopilot, we face resistance from our mind and body.

meaning that we do not actively initiate any of them; they are automatic.

when we try to change our habits many of us remain trapped in cycles of disempowerment.

Every time we make a choice that is outside of our default programming, our subconscious mind will attempt to pull us back to the familiar by creating mental resistance. Mental resistance can manifest as both mental and physical discomfort. It can take the form of cyclical thoughts, such as I can just do this later or I don’t need to do this at all, or physical symptoms, such as agitation, anxiety, or simply not feeling like “yourself.” This is your subconscious communicating to you that it is uncomfortable with the new territory of these proposed changes.

As she became more present, she was able to pause and witness her thoughts and behaviors for what they were: transitory states that could be managed.

When we develop our attention muscle, a process called neuroplasticity takes place.

When new neural pathways are forged, we are able to break free of our default patterns and live more actively in a conscious state.

All of this work helps to rewire our brain, disrupt our default thought patterns, and wake us up out of our subconscious-driven autopilot. From this foundation of consciousness we can then begin to witness the conditioned patterns in our thoughts, beliefs, and relationships. This honest self awareness shows us our pathway towards change and ultimately healing.

the incredible power of our thoughts, which can influence us in many ways.

Instead of fixating on related negative thoughts—as studies show we do 70 percent of the time

There is tremendous freedom in not believing every thought we have and understanding that we are the thinker of our thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. Our minds are powerful tools, and if we do not become consciously aware of the disconnection between our authentic Selves and our thoughts, we give our thoughts too much control in our daily lives.

Adaptive coping is an action we take to help us return to feelings of safety,

Maladaptive coping strategies, often learned from our parent-figures, give us a brief distraction or reprieve from the discomfort (say, by drinking alcohol at a wedding, as I did) or avoiding any emotional reaction (as I also did when I dissociated).

When our needs are consistently unmet, our pain and disconnection are compounded.

Self-preservation leads to self-betrayal.

When we do the work, we can change. We can move forward. We can heal.

it is an internal condition that challenges homeostasis, which is a state of physical, emotional, and mental balance.

When we are stressed, the body shifts its resources from maintaining homeostasis, that happy place of well-being and balance, to protecting itself.

Stress is unavoidable

allostasis.

amygdala,

Cytokines—molecules

Cytokines incite the immune system to act when faced with injury or toxic invaders.

unresolved trauma, coupled with poor coping strategies, affects the body physiologically. Stress alters your reality.

polyvagal refers to the vagus nerve, which connects the brain and the gut.

regulates involuntary functions, including heartbeat, breathing, and digestion.

neuroception—a

a “sixth sense” that operates outside our conscious awareness—to assess our environment and put people, places, and things into one of two boxes: safe or unsafe.

parasympathetic

“learning brain”—it

Our body’s reaction to threat is instinctual and involuntary; it is not a choice we make.

“freezing.”

Our vagus nerve has two pathways. Social activation and engagement mode are on one pathway. This pathway is myelinated, meaning that it’s sheathed with a layer of fat to make it engage quicker and shut off faster. The second pathway is unmyelinated and therefore less reactive and slower to shut off and more primitive. In fact, we share this pathway not with our ape ancestors but with reptiles.

But if the bear is already on top of you, your body might just give up and play dead.” This is dissociation mode.

Yet nervous systems that are dysregulated due to unresolved trauma keep us unfulfilled, outside our emotions, trapped in our inability to connect with others.

Our energies and states are transferable.

The sense of security creates a cospace of comfort. It’s a mutual exchange of connection.

Attachment symptoms: Push-pull or avoidant relationship patterns, consistent fear of abandonment (often resulting in “clinginess” or the inability to be alone)

Today I am practicing restoring balance to my nervous system. I am grateful for an opportunity to create calm in my life. Today, I am bringing one moment of much-needed calm to my body. Change in this area allows me to feel more peace.

thanks to the conscious mind, we know the power of our thoughts to effect change;

mind, body, and soul,

How is my body reacting? What does my body need?

The brain-to-body conversation is called a top-down process.

“Top-down processes” recruit your brain to guide your body on a path toward healing.

meditation, which in the act of training your attention helps regulate your autonomic...