Radical Alignment: How to Have Game-Changing Conversations That Will Transform Your Business and Your Life

by Alexandra Jamieson

Communication is too often misunderstood to mean either persuasion or sharing—convincing someone of your perspective or simply informing them of it.

And even more than that, great communication means each party in the exchange is changed by it.

Famed biologist E. O. Wilson notes that humans are a uniquely hypersocial species—more similar in some aspects of our behavior to hive insects than to other primates. He goes on to say that communication is an essential feature of our species—from written language to creation myths to telecommunications, our ability to communicate sets us apart.

Our goal is to help you be more thorough, kind, and courageous in your communication. This will help prevent conflict before it starts by exposing potential misalignments early, giving you the time and mental space to mitigate or course correct before investing too deeply in a relationship or in a project.

Misunderstandings often appear to be disagreements, but the mismatch is in the style of communication, not the intended substance of the communication.

Correcting misunderstandings is usually a simple task that requires listening and curiosity.

Curiosity, deep listening, and a sense of humor add up to a sense of presence.

AIM is one way to come into alignment within yourself. It’s a valuable exercise and becomes like second nature after you experience how successful you feel in these high-stakes interactions. The steps involve simply asking yourself to clarify your own intentions (Why are you having this conversation? What do you want to get out of it?), concerns (What issues are you likely to get stuck on? What objections might the other person raise that you can think through in advance? Are there any behaviors to watch out for and plan for?), boundaries (Are there ways of behaving and reacting that you want to avoid this time? If you feel confused or uncertain about something, will you state your desire to have more time to decide? How do you want to engage with the other people or person to protect yourself? Do you need to get an answer to something this time?), and dreams (If this interaction goes perfectly for you, what will happen? What will you get out of it? How will your relationship be after this meeting?).

Writing down your intentions, concerns, boundaries, and dreams and having your notes in front of you for the meeting will lead to much better outcomes.

Strong emotional reactions are a result of defensiveness, misunderstanding, or emotional fragility.

Avoiding emotions is usually an effort to stay safe, but when we cut ourselves off from our own hard emotions, we shut down our ability to be aware of other people’s emotions and will often miss important contextual information. Give yourself space to feel and be conscious of your emotions.

Compassion for others means having concern for the suffering and misfortune of others. Take your attention off yourself and notice how other people are feeling and what they’re experiencing, either verbally, culturally, physically, or emotionally.

Compassion for yourself means being able to forgive yourself for mistakes and take care of yourself w...

Acknowledging your mistakes takes humility and courage and gives others perm...

All humans have biases and prejudices. It’s impossible not to—our brains are quite literally wired for bias. It’s important to grow and use your awareness of these biases and prejudices and notice how they influence your words, habits, and actions.

When we think we know everything, there isn’t much room for growth or possibility for teamwork and collaboration.

Having expertise in an area doesn’t mean that you might not be missing something.

That doesn’t mean you give into petty whims or demands or let go of personal boundaries. But meeting people where they are and speaking after listening to them will take you far.

When things go wrong, don’t immediately rush to blame others or yourself.

Progress over perfection.

Putting time and energy toward your own development pays dividends, no matter when you start.

In high-stakes interactions, it’s common to get caught up in regret about the past or worry about the future. This keeps you stuck and repeating the same patterns.

As we mentioned before, one of the most important attributes to bring to any human interaction is curiosity—sprinkled with a touch of confidence. You’re connecting with, working with, or making a deal with other people. Being interested in what they want, how they think, and what they’re worried about will improve any interaction with them.

People like to know that they’re important enough to merit your interest!

Don’t take things for granted. If you don’t understand something clearly, ask questions until you do. Be willing to ask “dumb” questions!

Don’t judge someone as boring. Lean in to listen for the truth of what they’re sharing.

You can’t have a good team, a strong partnership, or a good conversation without trust.

Good relationships exist when people believe they can count on each other, are true to their word, and have the confidence that agreements will be kept.

Humans need to believe they are protected from punishment if they fail. Creating a safe place to throw out ideas, good and bad, is a necessity. Otherwise creativity, quirky ideas, and dissenting opinions are less likely.

Bring a sense of “winwin” to your team interactions by asking, How can we all feel like winners here?

Replace criticism with curiosity.

AIM is designed to increase clarity and decrease confusion while honoring each person’s individuality. Because it is a structured framework, we find it provides a sense of predictability and safety for emotional conversations. This method makes the personal nature of these conversations feel safer in a work environment.

In order to generate alignment, you have to be willing to discover places of misalignment.

Radical alignment doesn’t mean you do something at any cost; it means you find a course of action that’s most aligned with the individuals present.

“you feel an investment in everyone making the same thing” and that it is “a valuable time-saving tool and a practical business tool because it gets everybody working towards the same goal.”1

A team is not just a group. It is a collection of individuals who have become something greater.

Families are teams. This includes biological and chosen families.

The first behavior that predicted a high-performing team was equal speaking time among team members.

The second characteristic is something they called average social sensitivity—if the researchers asked teammates about another teammate’s emotional state, would they usually be right in their assessment?

Team psychological safety is the shared belief among team members that the team is a safe place for interpersonal risk-taking.

Cognitive science tells us that emotion is essential to cognition. We all intuitively know or have witnessed that emotionally unstable people often make poor decisions. This is because, according to cognitive science, emotions both help us know what to value and affect our nervous system. If we need to be emotionally stable to make the most of our intelligence as individuals, then it makes sense that teams also need to care for their emotional states as a collective to maximize both the group’s creativity and speed.

Trust is the essence of leadership; you become a leader by earning the trust of followers, not by achieving a specific rank or position.

ideas and innovations that change industries and win awards are often created when disparate worlds collide.

The team must be diverse in its skill set and its perspective—when people examine the same problem from different angles and bring different skills to developing solutions, then they generate more innovation.

This diversity is a strength, but it is a strength born from friction. The most successful teams are diverse but not derailed by tension.

In the past year, how much of the work you’ve done has resulted in value delivered to your customer?

When we say radical alignment, we mean that everyone is an enthusiastic yes (a hell, yes) to the project at hand—and to each other.

It means we begin with a strong foundation of understanding and trust. This foundation is something we can return to—deliberately or intuitively—when the inevitable conflicts and misalignments arise.

However, if other people are both necessary and the problem, what can you do?

Ordering people around can be incredibly toxic to creative work—that is, all knowledge work.