Dungeon Crawler Carl (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #1)

by Matt Dinniman

I’m on an intergalactic game show, and I have to be an obnoxious showoff in order to get eyes on me. And once I do have eyes on me, I might get a loot box with toilet paper in it. Does that about sum it up?”

Reward: This barely qualifies as an achievement. Your reward is that you’re alive to read this.

You know how I feel about groaning.” I had a quick memory of being slashed at once while Bea and I were getting busy. It wasn’t very funny at the time, but we’d laughed about it later. Donut had gotten banned from the bedroom during sexy time after that.

“Yeah,” I said. “But imagine raising one of those dingoes back from the dead and using it to kill another dingo. And then raising that one too. You’d be like the Lucia Mar kid with her two dogs, but yours will be zombie dogs.” Her eyes got huge. “This is the best spell ever.”

The fact that you’re reading this suggests you’re the luckiest fucker in the dungeon. Just remember, luck goes both ways, like your mom.

Mana Toast. This is toast. It refills your mana. That’s it. Nothing more. Fuck you.

I laughed. “Really? I seem to recall you had a thing for vomiting on my pillow.” “That was different. I did that on purpose.” “I knew it! I fucking knew it.”

The mysterious creator of the video had been very… generous… with my proportions.

New Achievement! You read a book! You managed to make it all the way through the first Dungeon Crawler Carl book without throwing it against the wall! Reward: You get to read the next book!