Dungeon Crawler Carl (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #1)

by Matt Dinniman

So, let me tell you about Donut the cat. Like I said, she’s one of those fluffy, flat-faced cats that look like they need to be sitting on the lap of a Bond villain. Bea and I shared a two-bedroom apartment, and one of those rooms was dedicated to the cat if that tells you anything.

“It’s not worth it, no matter what they tell you. Not until floor 12, and even then, negotiate as much as you can. Remember that.”

“There was that day when the passes were clear. You could’ve taken me back to Miss Beatrice’s parents, but you didn’t want to. You were looking at apartments, making sure they allowed cats. You were thinking about catnapping me.”

AWH

“Fighting with one’s claws is just so inelegant,” she said. “It’s not ladylike.” “And shooting lasers out of your eyes is?” “Oh my, yes. With my Magic Missile I don’t get blood on me like a common house cat. I don’t end up matted and filthy. I can’t even imagine it. I’d end up looking like Ferdinand.” “Who the hell is Ferdinand?” “Nobody you’d know.”

She looked up at us. “I am already one of god’s most perfect creatures, so I won’t be changing race when the opportunity arises. I was born a cat, and I will die a cat. In fact, I’m going to have to insist that Carl choose a cat race as well.”

There are no real gods in this game.”

“You said you worry that some of these bosses and mobs are like you, here against their will.” He pointed downward, indicating the lower levels. “That’s not always going to be the case. Especially later on. Remember that. There are no gods here. Just those who pay for the privilege.”