More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Read between
November 24 - November 30, 2025
I was outside. And I was wearing boxers, a leather jacket, and a pair of pink Crocs sandals that barely fit me. I was also holding a crying, scratching, squirming, and spitting cat named Princess Donut the Queen Anne Chonk.
Welcome, Crawler. Welcome to the First Floor.
Congratulations! You’ve earned your first achievement: Crazy Cat Lady.
New achievement! Trailblazing Crazy Cat Lady.
New achievement! Early Adopter.
New achievement! Empty pockets.
New achievement! Why aren’t you wearing pants?
New achievement! Unarmed combat.
New achievement! Loner.
New achievement! Fall into an obvious trap.
New achievement! You’ve discovered and read an official dungeon sign.
“Wait, so this is like a TV show? Like Survivor?”
I had barely made it to floor 11. And when I saw what guarded the entrances to level 12… I knew it wouldn’t be worth it.”
“A handful of crawlers over the centuries have made it that far. One once made it down to 13. One. He died within a half-hour of hitting the floor. He was a human, like you. But from another human world. That’s the deepest anyone has ever delved, kid. Level 13.”
New achievement! You’ve inflicted damage on a mob.
New achievement! You’ve killed a mob!
New achievement! You’ve killed an armed mob with your bare fucking hands!
New achievement! You’ve killed a mob a higher level than yourself!
New achievement! You’ve entered a guildhall!
New achievement! Podophilia! You’ve used your bare feet to crush and kill an opponent! Hey! That’s my fetish! Seriously. Keep doing it, and you’ll be rewarded. This will help.
👀
New achievement! Boom!
New achievement! Level-Up, Baby!
New achievement! Loot!
New achievement! Oooh, Magic!
I clicked on the party menu, and then I clicked on Donut’s stats. Strength: 11 Intelligence: 11 Constitution: 2 Dexterity: 8 Charisma: 25
Enchanted Crown of the Sepsis Whore. Who’s a dirty girl? You’re a dirty girl! This is a Fleeting item! This is a Unique* item! Imbues wearer with +5 Intelligence, grants the user +5 to the Good First Impression skill. All attacks, including magical attacks, now have a 15% chance to inflict the Sepsis debuff. Warning! (Seriously though. I’m going to say this again. WARNING! Read this shit before you put it on.) Placing this crown upon your head permanently places you within the royal line of succession for the Blood Sultanate on the ninth floor of the world dungeon. Removing this item will not
...more
Princess Donut has named your party The Royal Court of Princess Donut. Princess Donut has changed your title to Royal Bodyguard. Princess Donut has changed her title to Grand Champion Best in Dungeon.
“It’s not worth it, no matter what they tell you. Not until floor 12, and even then, negotiate as much as you can. Remember that.”
“Nor am I wearing a cloak that makes me look like I won a participation trophy at the special needs comic con, Carl. I’m a cat. Cats don’t wear pants. Don’t be so droll.”
HAHAHAHHAHA.
“If I hadn’t jumped out the window, we’d both be dead right now.” “Why did you jump, anyway?” “Stop,” Donut hissed. “There’s something down there.”
….is Donut an alien?? 👀
Baggie of trailer park-grade meth X2.
Smush: Skill Level 3 Killing with your feet. Your bare, beautiful feet. Taking your bare foot, placing it on top of a living, conscious life, and then pressing lovingly down until that life ceases to be. Is there a more noble way to kill?
But it seemed the AI—or whatever it was that controlled the game messages—really did have some sort of foot fetish. It was fucking weird.
I stepped a bit from the entrance, and I pulled out a cigarette and lit it, sighing deeply. I counted, and I had nine left after this one.
New achievement! Boss Babe.
They are without humor and are said, as part of their training, to have to pick two of the following three actions in order to graduate Shamanka University: they have to fuck, cook, and/or eat their own parents. Most don’t pick cook.
The goblin looked at me as if I’d just asked her to eat a Twinkie out of my ass.
Donut named the one with the facial piercings Rory and the other Lorelai.
“Did we really just start a meth war between the goblins and the llamas?”
This is how I know I would love this book haha
Ashley Bobinger liked this
New achievement! You Monster! You have killed an infant! An infant!
New achievement! War Criminal.
I looked up at the ceiling. Someone had carved their initials in the cheap tile. AMW. I wondered who they were, and when they’d carved it. If they were alive now.
It was like trying to understand someone speaking with a deep Cajun accent. Sure, they were speaking English, but to my brain, they might as well be speaking Klingon.
Donut: WHAT DO YOU MEAN. FRANK IS AN AMERICAN HERO.
On the television, Lucia Mar, along with her two rottweilers, Cici and Gustavo 3, tore through a group of red, demon-like monsters. The girl was like a demon herself, savagely swinging her mace.
“How is it you’re James Bond when it comes to strangers, but Miss Beatrice could date three different guys at once, and you had no idea?” “Three different guys?”
Bea’s a hoe!
Ashley Bobinger liked this
We have removed the Blender Fiend mobs. The mob’s difficulty level appears to be too high. Their collective gets stronger each time they, uh, blend, and after working their way through a group of 15,000 crawlers in a single day, we’ve been forced to take action to prevent a premature extinction event. Rest assured they will be re-introduced on a lower floor.
There will always be clues. What did we know about this borough boss?
New achievement! Two Chicks at the Same Time.
Warning: if you use this weapon to strike adherents of the war god Grull, you have a 1.5% chance to transfigure your target into the deity himself. Trust me on this. You don’t want to do that. A bigger, redder, WARNING. Remove this item before you jerk off.
