Outdated: Find Love That Lasts When Dating Has Changed

by Jonathan "JP" Pokluda

In other words, no other issue facing single people today—nothing else in all of the human experience—causes as much interest, angst, confusion, curiosity, questioning, and pain as dating.

unfortunately sense is not all that common anymore, especially when it comes to something as emotionally charged as dating.

You can ignore or try to rationalize away what the Bible says and do things your own way instead. But it will not go well for you.

You’re just perpetually sitting in this vulnerable spot. That’s dating. It’s not fun.

The only reason we should date is to get married. We date because God gave us the gift of marriage, and we’re trying to get there.

Singleness is seen as this waiting period, and life only truly begins once you get married.

But even if you don’t have the spiritual gift of staying single for life, you’re still single right now. And that means you have the same benefits of being able to serve God without the distractions of having to take care of a family.

When you have a perfect Father—God—handing out gifts to his children, you can trust that he is going to give good gifts. As Jesus described in Matthew 7:9–11,

People waste gifts because they either don’t realize their value or don’t know how to use them.

While you see your relationship status as a problem and are focused only on losing your singleness, Shannon is out there using her singleness every day.

Your singleness is not a problem to be fixed; it’s a gift to be used to live life more fully.

It doesn’t sound like a fairy tale because it’s not a fairy tale. It’s real life. And you’ll fare much better in dating and marriage if you live in reality rather than in a fairy tale.

If you’re looking for a “soul mate,” what you’re really looking for is Jesus. He actually is perfect, and is the only one who can truly satisfy your soul.

What does it mean to fear the Lord? It means following him. It means focusing on eternal things, which are things that truly last. It means striving to see people the way God sees them.

But if you choose someone because they are kind, selfless, patient, and wise, they can actually become better at all of those things over time. If you are attracted to godliness, the person you are with can become more attractive as you grow up and grow old together.

Don’t lower your standards; change your standards.

You see, although Presley loved cats, she had no idea how to love cats.

feelings are not reliable.

Real love is selfless. It’s about serving, not being served; giving, not getting. And when both people love and give and serve each other selflessly, well, you end up getting quite a lot.

God invented love, so he gets to define it—not

Feelings would sometimes fail, but since love is an action, you can always love someone regardless of how you might feel at the moment.

Don’t lose hope; this is possible, and it might be easier than you think.

How do you keep from awakening love before its time? You set boundaries.

He has no desire to see you hurting.

I believe it was God’s design that you would give your heart away exactly one time, to the person you marry and spend the rest of your life with.

Who should you date? That is the question.

Online dating makes it easier to date in isolation, choosing what you want without the perspective or advice of unbiased, trustworthy friends.

But ignoring the advice of people who love you, who want what is best for you and have no ulterior motives in that regard, and especially who can counsel you with God’s wisdom from Scripture, is a very unwise thing to do.

God took great joy in designing you.c He loves you, has given you infinite value, and has paid a great price for you through his Son, Jesus. Find someone with that faith who understands your worth.

When you are looking for someone to be “yoked together” with, it is essential to find someone who is going the same direction in life, and at the same speed.

the goal is not to be rich on this earth.n

The most loving thing you can do for your future spouse is to get your own life in order long before you even meet them.

Find someone running in the same direction you are, at the same speed, and ask them if they’d like to run this race with you.

Ephesians 4:2: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

Matthew 6:19–21: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Proverbs 12:22: “The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.”

People may fail to do what they say, but they rarely fail to do what they believe.

If you’re being fully honest with someone, then you are not playing games.

Being honest is far simpler and easier than playing games.

“Simple” doesn’t always mean easy.

Nowhere in Scripture does it say you should be anything less than honest.

This desire to “help” God with his timetable by taking matters into our own hands is often a reflection of us not trusting that God is faithful to keep his promises,

Women, on average, are more emotionally complex creatures.

Leaders remove confusion.

The overarching goal of any date should be to determine whether the relationship should move forward—basically, whether there should be another date.f

Proverbs 12:15 says, “The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice,”

Be honest, be clear, and be intentional.

According to God’s stated standards, these things are still a form of sex outside of marriage: lust is sex with someone else in your heart, and masturbation is sex with yourself.

Pornography, lust, and masturbation are not at all in your best interest long-term.

First Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality.”