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I was untouchable.
1st person past tense from Carter and Raine.
Even worse, I’d have no hope of getting into Alstone College. A degree from there opened more doors than one from Oxford or Cambridge,
They go to Alstone High and Alstone College is better than Oxford or Cambridge. I’m having trouble suspending my disbelief. The writing here isn’t great. It’s choppy, uncomfortable, not polished. Reads like a HS creative writing paper.
organised
British English
Glistening tears gathered on her lashes. One fell, and my eyes followed it down her face to her cheekbone. Before I knew what I was fucking doing, I gripped her chin in my hand and licked away the tear, the saltiness bursting on my tongue.
Raine seems too weak.
while I kept everyone at arm’s length, there was something about her that I was drawn to. I wished I could let her in, but I found it so difficult to open up. Something I was working on, but the fear of being hurt was always there. The fear of rejection. Carter’s words came to my mind again. Insignificant. Nothing.
“Raine, no offence, but I had no clue you even existed until this year. You’re a pro at making yourself invisible.”
It could be blamed on any number of things—my parents passing away, being shuffled between temporary places before my aunt adopted me, the kids in those places who’d singled me out as an easy target when I’d turned up at their school,
outcast in uniform that
...in A uniform...
He used his hand on my throat to tilt my head, and then he was sliding his teeth down my neck, down, down to my breasts, and he sucked my nipple into his mouth, biting, licking, worshipping my body. So this was what people talked about. This was what it was like to be with someone who knew what they were doing. The clumsy fumbles I’d had with my…summer fling, if you could call it that, were nothing compared to this. I was so wet, and he’d barely even touched me. I’d wondered if there was something wrong with me, that I hadn’t been able to get turned on by Ralph, but my body was having no such
...more
I doubted Kian would have even been aware of my existence, but Xavier did,
Tense shifts future to present, when the novel is in past.
My childhood bullying had left me retreating into my shell, making myself invisible, and I’d never fought back. Yet, with him, I’d managed to stand my ground. And being with him that night, anonymous and masked, I felt freer than I ever had in my life.
I eyed at him
Extra word - no AT
“You heard that?” I looked at Imogen’s disapproving face, and she nodded. “I heard enough.” She stepped closer. “Why would you care what people think?”
Two speakers in the same paragraph is confusing for the reader.
bet she’d got
...she’d gotTEN
“What happened? I stared
Missing ending quotation mark
If I’d got my shit
Gotten
The howl he let out was almost inhumane.
Inhuman means sounding like an animal. Inhumane means cruel, inhumane treatment of animal.
Only 3 sex scenes, but they were hot.
