Execution (Off Balance, #2)

by Lucia Franco

Rage unlike I’d ever felt before slithered through my veins, consuming me. I detested the ground he walked on, the air he breathed. I loathed every fiber of his being. After everything we shared, after all we knew about each other—our goals and desires in life, our dreams and aspirations—this was the dirtiest move of all, and I wasn't sure how we would come back from it. There was no one else other than Kova who knew how important each gymnastics meet was on my journey to the Olympics, yet he had the audacity to rip it from me for his own selfish reasons.

His job was to catch me if I fell. Not sweep the rug out from under my feet and watch me hit the ground.

I wanted to ruin him, but ruining him meant ruining myself, and that was something I couldn't chance.

No matter what I said, Hayden would never understand, and

no matter what I did, Kova wasn't going to let me compete at the meet.

"I. Hate. You." I looked into his eyes as I let the words slip from my lips in disgust. Kova didn't blink, his expression blank.

I could only wiggle my fingers. Emotions soared. I wasn't strong enough to win, and for a split moment, I wondered if I ever would be strong enough for anything. Anger fled and deep dejection filled me.

I don’t know how long we stood there before I heard Kova speak. "I am not going to hurt her, Hayden," Kova said in a tender tone I didn't expect. "Step back."

"Don't you understand, you dumb fuck. You already have."

"I hate myself for that more than you can ever know," Kova admitted, and the conviction in his voice broke my heart.

The man was gorgeous on the outside, but I had to question the color of his soul.

"Why did you come here?" I asked. Kova grasped my fingers in his hand and brought them to his lips. Closing his eyes, he gently kissed each finger like he was savoring the touch of my skin. "To talk." "Talk about what?"

He opened his eyes to reveal a startling emerald color. "How I treated you earlier, what I said to you, it was wrong."

"You mean you’re apologizing for taking me out of the meet." He stayed silent as I stared at him for a long moment, waiting. "That's what you're apologizing for, right, Kova?"

"You're not sorry at all, are you?" I asked, my voice barely audible.

"I am incredibly sorry for what happened between us in my office. It was not what I expected, nor what I would have wanted to happen. I am disgusted. The words I said to you, what I threatened you with, it was heartless and cruel and I hope one day you can forgive me. I should have told you sooner that I planned to pull you

from the meet instead of catching you off guard and embarrassing you in front of the team."

"I do not know who I have become… I hate myself for the pain and agony I have caused you."

One minute he made my blood boil, the next he was the most encouraging person in my life. It physically hurt to see such anguish fill the depths of his beautiful eyes, but I knew in that moment I needed to stay strong. Otherwise, if I caved, then I’d be tolerating his heinous actions, and I couldn’t allow that. It would only give way for it to happen again in the future.

"Thank you for your apology, but it doesn't take away how you sabotaged me. I thought that’s why you were here, to apologize for that, but you’re not even close to feeling bad about that.”

“I

thought you would understand more than anyone how important each competition is, what I need to do to achieve my dream. But you stripped it from me. You hardened me in mere seconds with your words and your actions, and I don...

"I am not seeking forgiveness when it comes to the matter of the meet. There is motive behind it, and soon I...

"You've accomplished what you set out to do."

"And what is that?"

"I can't stand the sight of you."

Sorrow sat heavy in every feature of Kova’s face. I’d say he was completely heartbroken and devastated—as he should be. His hand gave my thigh a little squeeze and his lips formed a thin, flat line. I shoved his touch off me and his face completely fell.

"I deserve your hate."

"You deserve my hate and all that comes with it. It's what you set out to do, isn't it? Make me hate you...

"I don’t understand anything either because you never express yourself. You're a very difficult man to follow."

"Do you not see how I cannot say what I want? I cannot," he urged, pointing to his chest. "It is too much of a risk."

"Bullshit. What risk? You mean speaking your thoughts honestly for once? So you can fuck me, but you can't talk to me? How does that make sense? How i...

"I hate you and want you at the same time." The confession rolled off my tongue before I could stop it.

"I know you do," he breathed into me. "Listen, I cannot make you any promises, but I will try to be better. I am only human, and I wrongfully acted out. And contrary to what it may seem, I never want to see you hurting like today. Your first meet to test elite is a big one and I want you prepared."

"This is what you do to me." He licked me again. I had no control over my body when he was like this. "Every time I am near you, every time I think about you, I feel this way, malysh. You have awakened a beast inside me."

"Every fucking time. Never in my life has this happened to me. It drives me crazy that I cannot get enough of you."

"Lyubov' ne to, chto vy mozhete ponyat', eto to, chto vy chuvstvuyete v svoyem serdtse. Net slov, eto prosto tak."

"We may live miles and miles apart, but I'll always have your back. Don't ever let anyone speak to you like that, not even Mom. Stand up for yourself." I nodded. Easier said than done.

His eyes were on me, though uninterested, like he was looking through me. I swallowed back hard. I hated that look. It was one I knew all too well, given to me by my mom. It conveyed that I was as insignificant as a fly on a wall. It was a you don't matter look.

Kova was devastatingly handsome, and I despised that he had the ability to make me feel two inches tall while my heart pounded for him. I was enthralled with this man and I had no idea why.

A man who purposely set out to hurt me knowing full well I c...

Malysh. My eyes slowly closed, the organ caged behind my ribs pricked by his choice of endearment. Hearing Kova use the one and only word for Katja I begged him not to was a direct punch to the gut. He promised me he wouldn't call her that anymore. He looked me right in the eye and promised. Then he turned around and did it in front of me, knowing full well I couldn't say a word.

Something inside me died a little. I wanted to sink to my knees and hug myself. His apology, his words, they were nothing but hollow letters that held no weight. I was starting to think it was impossible for him to be faithful to anyone. The only thing he seemed loyal to was gymnastics, and himself.

Every second of my personal life was a front. It's why I loved gymnastics so much. I didn't have to be anyone but myself.

For some godforsaken reason I loved when he looked at me with such desperation. I caved every time.

My heart broke at the dejection in his voice, and for myself. Here we were, wrapped in one another, and his big reveal was that his girlfriend wasn't consumed with him…the way I am.

"You have not made my life harder—if anything, you have made it brighter. Pozhaluysta, do not doubt that for one minute."

"Don't you need to find Katja? The ball is going to drop, and you need to be with her when it happens." I was supposed to be Hayden's midnight kiss, so said Avery. Kova stood still as he looked deep into my eyes. With a subtle shake of his head, my stomach flipped. "I am right where I want to be," he murmured.

"You're intolerable. What about everything you said about Katja? Your guilt and stress? " His eyes darkened but he didn't release my hips. "My guilt does not compare to my need for you, Ria." "I'm going to slap you," I deadpanned. His eyes twinkled. I should've suggested castration instead. "I want you."

Everything he did was in vain. Everything. Pulling me from the meet. Feeling bad about Katja. All of it. Tears burned my eyes and I swallowed hard. I couldn't do this with him, the constant up and down. It wasn't fair.