A Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking
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Read between February 2 - March 1, 2025
80%
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“It’s nothing compared to what the Carex will do,” I said, staring down at the blister. “If they get through the walls…”
Lexi Deslauriers
She sounds like a grown woman
83%
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Where the heck is Spindle?
Lexi Deslauriers
NUHUH
84%
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“I suspect you’d have an easier time fitting Mona!”
Lexi Deslauriers
Yeah cuz yk she's buff and all
84%
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“I could hide in the palace,” she said. “There are very thick doors. I could spend the next two days cowering in a dark room, while my people die, waiting for the doors to finally be broken down, and the Carex to come for me. But I have cowered enough these last few months. I find that I fear that dark room more than I fear dying out here, in the open air.”
Lexi Deslauriers
I fear she slayed. I respect her, she's a good leader except for the fact she's dragging a 14 years old to war. Thats a bit horrible TT
85%
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If she hadn’t been a baker, Aunt Tabitha would probably have been one of those northern warrior women with the big breastplates that sing opera and carry off the souls of the valiant dead.
Lexi Deslauriers
Thats how badass she is
86%
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“His Lordship can stuff it in his arse!”
Lexi Deslauriers
YOU GO GIRL
87%
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“The Golden General will make a good ruler. Probably a better one than I’ve been. I only pray that there will be enough left for him to rule.”
Lexi Deslauriers
If you die Im killing myself
90%
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Aunt Tabitha whacked him with the hammer so hard that his helmet got knocked halfway around his head, and he fell down. She kicked him a few times.
Lexi Deslauriers
slay
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There was something stuck in his teeth.
Lexi Deslauriers
BRO WHY DO YOU ALWAYS NOTICE THE MOST RANDOM THINGS
91%
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I guess really bad people all think they’re using each other and being really clever about it.
Lexi Deslauriers
LOL
91%
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“You’ve got something stuck in your teeth.”
Lexi Deslauriers
LMAO
91%
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“What is wrong with you?”
Lexi Deslauriers
BROOOOO
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“Oh yeah! That’s for Tibbie, you green monster! I ’ope you rot!”
Lexi Deslauriers
MY BABY!
91%
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“You’re alive! I’m alive!” I started giggling hysterically, because otherwise I was going to sit down and sob right there in the alley. “We’re all alive! Except Nag! We’re all—urrgh—” My stomach clenched. I went down to my knees and last night’s dinner came back up.
Lexi Deslauriers
I think she's still in shock
91%
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my gingerbread man was standing on my shoulder.
Lexi Deslauriers
MY BABY #2
92%
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Argonel shoved him aside,
Lexi Deslauriers
Dont do my boy like that
93%
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I knew, even as I hung limply in Aunt Tabitha’s grasp, that this would be the end of me. I had pushed the magic much farther than I thought I could, but it was done. If I tried to pour that much of myself into the slug, it would be with the energy that kept my heart beating and my lungs moving. I could send it oozing across the battlefield and blow it up, but that would be the last thing I did.
Lexi Deslauriers
BRO NO YOU CANT DIE :(
94%
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Knackering Molly had called the dead horses of the city to its defense, and the horses had come.
Lexi Deslauriers
NO MY BABE
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shoved us back against the wall. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Argonel throwing his apprentice into a doorway.
Lexi Deslauriers
I love him
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The Carex army broke and ran.
Lexi Deslauriers
YESSS
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she was dead.
Lexi Deslauriers
NOOOOOOOO TT
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Nag was the only one left standing, and as we watched, he went down to his knees and stretched out his head along the ground by Knackering Molly, and then he was only old bones and rags of tattered cloth. That made me cry even harder, because that was when I knew it was really over.
Lexi Deslauriers
:(((((
95%
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No one should.”
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and Aunt Tabitha pointed out that I was fourteen and not nearly old enough to go traipsing about with the military.
Lexi Deslauriers
She's my baby
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It occurred to me that the Duchess probably hated these ceremonies almost as much as I did.
Lexi Deslauriers
Fr nobody likes these
97%
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Joshua comes in sometimes for muffins.
Lexi Deslauriers
My babe
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Joshua actually carried me to bed.
Lexi Deslauriers
My dream
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If we tried, your Aunt would have something to say, and lord, I’d much rather face the Carex!”
Lexi Deslauriers
Lmao that women can bodyslam me for all i care
98%
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And if I took it in my head to declare myself a wizard-emperor, like Elgar dreamed of doing…well, I hope like hell someone would stop me.”
Lexi Deslauriers
Wow. He's also very hot in my head
99%
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And if I’m in a good mood, and you ask nicely, I might even make the gingerbread men get up and dance.
Lexi Deslauriers
Awwww mona my baby :(
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