Hands Down

by Mariana Zapata

Me: Don’t invite anyone I don’t like to my funeral. Then I sent her another one. Me: And don’t forget to drop my laptop in a swamp if something happens. I thought about it for another second. Me: And don’t forget you’re the only one I want to clean out my nightstand. Wear gloves and don’t judge me.

His mouth suddenly dropped open as those blue, blue eyes moved all over my face fast, fast, fast, and I could barely hear him as he gasped, literally gasped, “Wait. Bianca?” Oh.

“I figured you’d have plans,” I let slip out, only partially regretting it as I turned on the burner beneath my Dutch oven. But Zac didn’t hesitate to answer. “I told you. Spendin’ some time with you was my only plan, Peewee.” There he went again.

I missed the shit out of you, and I didn’t even know it. That’s what he’d caught himself about to say. You know, because he’d forgotten about me.

“Kiddo, I forgot about that mouth.” One corner of his mouth went up. “You’re adorable.” Oh. Well. I gave him a little smile. I was going to let the “adorable” comment go. “I mean, it all goes downhill from there, so don’t think the rest of them get any better.” “I fuckin’ doubt that, darlin’.” Zac looked right into my soul then, his arm around me still. “I highly doubt that.”

But Zac wasn’t on the same page. “Bother me?” he asked slowly. “You’re busy.” His eyes narrowed. “Bother me, Bianca?” Did he have to say it like that? And did he really want to do this? With that tone and that expression and everything? “You’re serious?” he asked like he could read my freaking mind.

Zac stared. “No, it does matter, darlin’. It matters to me. I haven’t seen your face in ten goddamn years, and I don’t understand why, and the more I think about it, the more it’s pissin’ me off.” I raised my eyebrows at him. He kept going. “You used to hug me all the time, mess with me all the time.” His mouth went tight and flat. “Now, you treat me like we barely know each other; you barely joke with me.”

Zac Travis hugged me and said, “I sure did miss you, Little Texas.” Something in me unraveled at the name he hadn’t used in so long. In so, so long. With my cheek against his chest, I told him the truth. “I really missed you too, Big Texas.”

He sighed once more, brushing a hand over his face again before his index finger came up and he pressed the tip of it to the beauty mark right off the edge of my mouth. “I really didn’t recognize you.” That dirty blond head tipped to the side, and he wasn’t looking at anything other than my eyeballs as he asked, “When’d you get to be this cute, huh?” That would have been a dagger to my freaking heart as a teenager, but now… now I knew what cute was.

“Goddamn, I missed you, Peewee. You and that mouth.”

If he’d expected me to trip over my own feet or step on his toes… he would have been in for a real surprise. I knew he was impressed when his gaze caught mine, forehead furrowing as he asked in a voice that I barely just caught, “Who you been dancin’ with like this?” I caught a glimpse of my sister’s face as he spun me around, and I waited until we were facing each other again—well, I was facing his chest more than his face until I lifted my head—and answered back loud enough for him to hopefully hear, “People.”

His gaze flick down to my clothes for a second, his lips quirking just a little. “Sometimes I think you can’t be any cuter, and then you go and put on my underwear.”

Zac laughed, booping me on the nose. “I would rather hang out with you than here. You got me? Or do I gotta say it again for the… what? The fiftieth time?”

“Nice to meet you.” The other man jerked. “You’re the Bianca?” The Bianca? “Yeah,” Zac was the one who answered. “The one I was tellin’ you about.” He was talking about me? “No shit.” He suddenly seemed so much more interested. “The Baker?” “Lazy Baker,” Zac corrected him for me. “She’s got more than two million followers on WatchTube. Get it right.”

One side of his mouth tilted up. “Peewee, I’d never let a thing happen to you.”

“Didn’t you hear what I said? Worryin’ about you is like… lovin’ the goddamn sun on my face, kiddo. Like breathin’. It’s never not gonna happen.”

“I didn’t like you so much because you saved my life, kiddo. Bein’ around you has always made me happy. Even when you were a baby, you were always makin’ me laugh.” His head tilted forward, and I barely heard him, but I did. “You still do. That’s why I… that’s why I’m always botherin’ you. You make everything fun. Everything good. You’ve always been my favorite girl, kiddo. Hands down.”

it was Amari who turned and gave me a hug first, careful not to hit my left arm. CJ and I bumped elbows—well, he bumped my upper arm and I bumped his hip with my good one, but close enough. I slid Zac a look, pretty sure I caught a glimpse of a small frown that he quickly wiped away before he asked, “What? Nothin’ for me?”

Then he tossed the blanket over us. He’s just being affectionate, I told myself as he faced forward again and started going through the movie channels. He liked… to snuggle. And I was lucky I was the girl around for him to do it with. The safe one. The one he felt so comfortable with.

He laughed as he tickled the little girl. “I was just about to call you back, honey. I was on the phone with my agent, and Bibi hadn’t come back, and I was worried somebody was tryin’ to steal her from me.” Like someone would kidnap me.

“Actually, I’m going to go ahead and quit now,” I said. It was his turn to scoff. “Don’t expect me to give you a reference.” “I don’t need one, Gunner. I have a successful business that pays me a lot more than you do. I was going to quit before Mr. DeMaio even sold the gym, but… I’m done now. One day if you’re bored, look up The Lazy Baker online. Maybe she’ll look familiar.”

“No. You don’t need to do any of that. I’ve got it. I’m not your responsibility.” He took a step forward and lifted his arm to palm the back of his neck. “You kinda are,” he told me softly.

“Bianca, what do you do to inconvenience me?” he demanded, dropping his hand so that it dangled at his side. “When have I ever given you the impression I don’t want you around? I invite you to go do everything with me.”

He was going to kill me. “Because you don’t need me here.” “Who the hell said that?” I was seconds away from crying. “No, you don’t.” “Yes. I do,” he insisted. “You were snugglin’ on the couch with me the other day, and now you don’t even want to be in the same city.”

“Bianca,” he started to say softly with the heaviest blue eyes. “I love you, darlin’….” I tipped my head back with a sigh. “Can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished you weren’t Boogie’s cousin.” He was flaying me alive now. I wish you weren’t my best friend’s cousin, he’d said. Maybe in another lifetime… those words felt like. And in the story of our lives, in our friendship, his phone rang.

“Nothing ever happened between you two then?” he asked slowly. I shot him a look. “He’s your best friend, Boog. No. We’re both affectionate and comfortable around each other. I’ve never seen his wiener, even though I might have tried.” He jerked back, and his eyes almost bugged out. “Bianca!” “What? That’s what you were asking, I could see it.”

“My whole life, I’ve felt like I was missin’ somethin’, tryin’ to find somethin’. I don’t know how to explain it, and now, it feels like I found it, Boog. It was right in front of my damn face all along.”

“Zac?” He leaned back into the door and crossed his arms over his chest, looking smug and good and still relieved. “Yes, sweetheart?” he asked with so much love and patience, I didn’t know what to do with it even more. “Why are you really here?” “’Cause I love you,” Zac answered.

“Just to make sure though, if some guy posts a picture of me sitting on his lap in a year, it’ll be an old one too, okay?” His fingers jerked, and I just about laughed at the incredulous face he made. “What guy?” “Some guy I don’t remember. I’ve met a lot of them, so….” I glanced at him with a smirk. He wasn’t smiling. But I was. “You’re not funny.” “I’m super funny.”

“I don’t want you to move to Killeen.” I blinked. “Okay….” Then he nodded. “You move, I’m goin’ with you.” Andddd I froze. The weight of his words kicked me in the stomach. “What the hell are you talking about, Zac?” “If you move to Killeen, to Morocco, to Orlando… I’m comin’ with you.”