Hands Down

by Mariana Zapata

At least Zac had never known I’d been in love with him. Thank God. He’d just forgotten all about me.

That was reality for you, a kick to the freaking vagina when you needed it and even more when you didn’t need it.

But if every person weighed their dream against someone else’s, nobody would ever dream at all.

Zac Travis hugged me and said, “I sure did miss you, Little Texas.” Something in me unraveled at the name he hadn’t used in so long. In so, so long. With my cheek against his chest, I told him the truth. “I really missed you too, Big Texas.”

“You’re better than all right,” he said, still watching me closely. “It ain’t even a competition.”

I loved him, and I knew it. I really did. And I had no fucking business doing so.

I grabbed his forearm. “Oh my God, Zac, that’s Jasmine and Ivan Lukov!”

Sometimes I wondered how it was possible for me not to fall in love with the same person once but twice.

“Didn’t you hear what I said? Worryin’ about you is like… lovin’ the goddamn sun on my face, kiddo. Like breathin’. It’s never not gonna happen.”

“Maybe I fucked up and had my head up my ass there for a minute, but I’m always gonna worry about you. For the rest of my life. I’m never gonna be too busy to be there for you. You hear me?”

Of course I was still in love with him. Of course I’d fallen in love with him again. I had no choice.

“I didn’t like you so much because you saved my life, kiddo. Bein’ around you has always made me happy. Even when you were a baby, you were always makin’ me laugh.” His head tilted forward, and I barely heard him, but I did. “You still do. That’s why I… that’s why I’m always botherin’ you. You make everything fun. Everything good. You’ve always been my favorite girl, kiddo. Hands down.”

“You can’t help who you love sometimes, even if you know that maybe you shouldn’t or that maybe it’s going to hurt.”

“I’m bein’ rude. Connie, Richard, hope y’all are doin’ well. Can I have Bianca now?”

“Were you being a pain in the ass?” He shot me a little side look that made me snort. “You’re always being a pain in the ass, my apologies.”

“I fought it, I swear, but I didn’t have a goddamn chance, Boog. It was like fightin’ the inevitable. Tryin’ to fight a brick wall. I swear on Paw-Paw’s life, I had zero chance. She came up behind me when I wasn’t expectin’ it and gave me the beatin’ of a lifetime.”

“My whole life, I’ve felt like I was missin’ somethin’, tryin’ to find somethin’. I don’t know how to explain it, and now, it feels like I found it, Boog. It was right in front of my damn face all along.”

Lovin’ you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done, and it’s the easiest thing I’m ever gonna do. I just know it.”

and I knew that he was mine. Because he always had been. We’d just lost each other for a while, but we wouldn’t again.

He was my past, but he was going to be my future too.

“Maybe he didn’t come into my life for me. I’m starting to think maybe it was for you.”

Omgg 😭

And I guess, if I could’ve picked someone for you, it wouldn’t be Zac.” “Who would it be?” “Jesus.”

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