Hands Down

by Mariana Zapata

At least Zac had never known I’d been in love with him. Thank God. He’d just forgotten all about me.

Maybe some people forgot about me, outgrew me, or never had room for me in the first place. But I had fucking tried. With all of them. With every single person, I’d put in effort.

Zac Travis hugged me and said, “I sure did miss you, Little Texas.” Something in me unraveled at the name he hadn’t used in so long.

In so, so long. With my cheek against his chest, I told him the truth. “I really missed you too, Big Texas.”

“I’ll dance with you anytime you want.” “Oh yeah?” I asked, lifting my face. He was focused down on me, on my face—eyes, whatever. “Yeah” was his simple answer.

It didn’t matter that his body had been blessed by Greek gods or that he was a wonderful person with a tremendous heart. He was my friend, and that was it.

Bibi? He’d never called me that before, but I could roll with it.

I don’t mind being alone, but I hate being lonely. Do you know what I mean? I guess I just wanted someone around. Or at least, someone who would come back. That sounds really ungrateful now that I hear it out loud, because I know how many people love me but have their own lives, and I can’t expect them to make me the center of the world. I hope you get what I mean.”

“Well, maybe someday you’ll meet someone that you do want wasting all their time on you. Maybe it’s like football teams; you just have to find the right people, the right person. Someone worth your trust. But if you don’t, maybe one day we can be neighbors in a retirement home. We can have the future Baby Boogie come visit us.”

What he did do was exhale. His body loosened and then curled into me, some part of his head coming to rest against the top of mine. One forearm went around the lowest spot on my back, anchoring me in place, right there. Against him.

With a love so deep I knew it would crush me if I let it. And that scared the shit out of me. I was falling in love with him.

“Oh my God, Zac, that’s Jasmine and Ivan Lukov!” I whisper-hissed.

“Didn’t you hear what I said? Worryin’ about you is like… lovin’ the goddamn sun on my face, kiddo. Like breathin’. It’s never not gonna happen.”

I’d still do anything for you.” His

Of course I was still in love with him. Of course I’d fallen in love with him again. I had no choice.

“I didn’t like you so much because you saved my life, kiddo. Bein’ around you has always made me happy. Even when you were a baby, you were always makin’ me laugh.” His head tilted forward, and I barely heard him, but I did. “You still do. That’s why I… that’s why I’m always botherin’ you. You make everything fun. Everything good. You’ve always been my favorite girl, kiddo. Hands down.”

I saw his hand go toward his stomach before he pulled his T-shirt up and used the bottom of it to mop my cheeks and under my eyes with it. He even swiped under my nose with it, and that made me cry more.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, kiddo.” The truth was, I didn’t know what I’d do without him either.

“My whole life, I’ve felt like I was missin’ somethin’, tryin’ to find somethin’. I don’t know how to explain it, and now, it feels like I found it, Boog. It was right in front of my damn face all along.”

“Did you steal my damn heart, run off with it, and say I’ll see ya later? ’Cause the answer to that is yes.”

“And there was no fallin’ for you, Bianca. I just did. Just do, you know? Love you, I mean. It was like I told Boog, you snuck up behind me when I wasn’t lookin’ and beat the livin’ shit out of me ‘til I didn’t have a choice but to see you. See who you’ve become. See who you’ll be. You amaze me, kiddo. You’re gonna take over the world one day, and I wanna be there to see it. I wanna be there to help you any way I can. Lovin’ you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done, and it’s the easiest thing I’m ever gonna do. I just know it.”

“I didn’t wanna risk ruinin’ what I got with Boogie, Bibi, but these last two weeks without you… I’ve been miserable. I wanted you back. I missed every single thing about you. And I had to think about what I had to offer you when you’ve got so much already goin’ on. Today I finally did the last thing I needed to before I could talk to you about it all. Before I felt like I could deserve to try.”

Only one thing I want. One thing that makes me happier than a million other people combined,” he said. “I deleted all those numbers weeks ago. I changed my number so nobody would be callin’ in the first place. I didn’t wanna give you a reason to second-guess me. I want you to know I’m in this for real. None of that other shit has ever mattered. But you always have. Always will.”

Zac kissed and kissed like he had all day. Like there was nothing else he would rather do either,

Loving you, B, is the easiest thing in the world. He never had a chance,”