Rocket Science

by Emily Mayer

Harrison: Don’t let anyone buy you a drink. Harrison: And don’t leave your drink alone. Harrison: You know what, just don’t drink anything. Me: I thought accepting a drink was a signal to a potential partner that you’re interested? Lou: Oh shit short stack, your brosef just lost it. Harrison: Lennon, I swear to God…

Why anyone thought a picture of their penis would seal the deal was beyond me. Penises were strange-looking, like some weird one-eyed species of naked mole rat without legs.

Turned out Boomer could have his own show in Vegas as a magician. The little minx got out of the carrier and insisted on trying to sit on the steering wheel while I was driving. In the words of my mother, I got “real close to Jesus” on the drive home. Despite the multiple near-death experiences on our drive, I did not regret my choice at all.

I woke up at one point thinking I was having a heart attack, only to open my eyes and come face to face with Boomer purring contently on my chest. Meeting his glowing cat eyes with my own, half awake, almost gave me an actual heart attack.

life could be so disappointing, unfold in ways you didn’t expect, but that it was all still so worth it.

“You quite literally got catfished.” “Catfished?” “Yeah. They lured you in with all those pictures of normal-looking cats and sent you home with… this thing.”

Good relationships are about validating each other’s feelings and building each other up.

No one was worth being half of yourself.

“Fine, but if Sebastian is murdered, it’s going to ruin my dinner and I’m not going to be happy about it.”