Rocket Science

by Emily Mayer

To my sisters, Katharine and Laura. My very first and very best friends.

Harrison: Don’t let anyone buy you a drink. Harrison: And don’t leave your drink alone. Harrison: You know what, just don’t drink anything. Me: I thought accepting a drink was a signal to a potential partner that you’re interested? Lou: Oh shit short stack, your brosef just lost it. Harrison: Lennon, I swear to God…

nauseated. What was I even doing? I hated, hated, the version of Lennon I saw looking back at me. This person had given other people the power to determine her self-worth and looked heartbroken that she had somehow been found lacking. I promised myself a long time ago that I would never give anyone else that power, and for the most part, I had kept that vow.

These people didn’t like me, but so what? I had friends who really knew me and thought I was great. I might only have a handful, but the ones I did have were amazing. I had my dream job, and I was good at it. I knew my own worth.

Why anyone thought a picture of their penis would seal the deal was beyond me. Penises were strange-looking, like some weird one-eyed species of naked mole rat without legs.

I decided to be an adult about this. I would simply ignore the problem until it went away.

“And for the record, it’s totally fine if you’re into boy cats. Cat love is cat love. I will love you no matter what.”

Nothing, I mean nothing, switches a woman from sad to angry like a man asking if she’s about to get her period. As if our uteruses are entirely responsible for our emotions!

I thought I could maybe love him. I thought the liking I felt for him could grow into love with enough time and effort. He did not agree. I was upset when he broke up with me, but I could honestly say I hadn’t been devastated.

One of my anthropology professors hypothesized that games or sports are a social mechanism that promote group unity through social intercourse, and provide members of society with a singular event to help them deal with the excessive amount of emotional stress that comes with being a human.

Good relationships are about validating each other’s feelings and building each other up.

Paige was a firm believer that a person’s energy was contagious. I was going to be the flu of excitement, dang it!

The truth was, I was just Lennon—a little quirky and a lot nerdy. I wanted Sebastian to like me, the me with all her strengths and all her weaknesses, not a glossed-up version. If he couldn’t like me just as I was, it would completely suck and probably break my heart a little, but I would have to find a way to be okay with it. No one was worth being half of yourself.

“I don’t care what anyone says, the chubby one is into that froyo guy.”

“Yeah, but sometimes you have to be brave to get what you want. I mean, look at Marie Curie. Madame Curie was a woman, so she wasn’t supposed to be intelligent and driven. She was supposed to be meek and subservient. Everyone was like ‘but you are a woman,’” Janie said in a horrible French accent, “‘you cannot do zee science,’ and Marie was like ‘hold my pipette, bitches.’ And now we have X-rays!”

So, Lennon June Walker, will you spend the rest of your life teaching me things?”