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“I can’t lose you,” Lo sobs. “You’re okay. Come on, love. You’re okay. Wake up. Please, wake up. Lily…Lily.”
She’s not lost among the stars. She didn’t rocket off to another planet like I know she wanted to after her fics leaked. She’s not invisible. ‘Cause she wasn’t supposed to disappear without me.
“I’m gonna get her. I promise you.” Lo has no clue I’ve broken every promise I’ve ever made to him, but this one, I can’t break. Because this is the promise that will break me if I do.
Someone sidles next to me. I already know who. His calm, readied demeanor resets mine, a trauma bag slung on his shoulder. There is no wait. No yesterday. No tomorrow if she’s not here. There is only now. Farrow watches the ambulance disappear. “We’ll be with you.” We. Oscar comes up to my other side, dangling the keys. “I’m driving.”
The blue kyber crystal necklace lies heavier against my sternum. Did I kiss it before tucking it in my Van Halen tee? Better believe I did.
He’s felt a responsibility to protect his sister, but he’s gonna need to hand that off to someone else. To me. I want to tell him to trust me. I want to tell him that I’ll die a hundred times over trying to save her. I want to tell him that there is no stop in me. There never really has been. I’ll do more for her than he ever could. He’s got a husband. He’s got a son. He’s got another baby on the way. She’s all I have. She’s all I want.
They throw my clothes in the sink. Instead of running the faucet, they squirt lighter fluid on my oldest shirt. I watch them torch the Van Halen tee, and I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. She’s all that matters to me.
“I’m really scared,” she cries. My heart breaks into a million serrated pieces. She was never supposed to be in this house. She was never supposed to meet my family. She was never supposed to be swept into the darkness of my childhood. I’d left it all behind me, and to think that the one girl, the only girl, I’ve ever loved is hurtled to this place is fucking sickening. I hate it more than I’ve ever hated anything.
While I’m bending to her, the crystal hangs between us like the force between me and her, and a swell of emotion pools underneath me, through me, through Luna. Love and light are the powers that’ve guided me. Been racing towards them my whole life. I just never realized all this time I’ve been racing towards her.
“While you slept, the world changed.” - Xavier, House of X #6
“Wanting to be okay and needing the help to get there are two different things, and you shouldn’t be scared to need help. See, I won’t judge you. I won’t treat you like you’re fragile glass, if that’s not your thing. I’m just here to help you.”
He pulls back a little, his hands on my shoulders. He holds my gaze, and I search his eyes for the past. I can’t see anything beyond the present. Then he says, “I married your brother.” He pauses. “But he’d tell you that he married me.”
“You found her. You just got arrested and sat in jail to protect the Hales. You are a shirtless motherfucker right now, but you’re not a villain.”
“Their mess isn’t yours.” He points down the hall. “Your family is here. You’ve never been a dumb motherfucker, so I know you get this. Your family is here.” It digs deeper into me.
His reddened eyes are windows into my heartbroken soul, and I blink back the surge of emotion.
“I tried…” I hear my voice shake. Lo puts a hand on my shoulder. And he pulls me into a hug. It almost breaks me. Then he whispers, “I know.” I start to shake my head. “You did enough,” he breathes.
I don’t want to survive without her. I’ve never felt this crushing feeling in my life. It’s worse than drowning. Worse than being lit on fire. Worse than Luna’s biggest fear—floating endlessly in space. I’d rather do all of those things than feel this.
“They’ll make it out. Luna. Lily. They look small, but they’re tough.”
“This seat free?” I ask, nodding to the one beside him. “Yeah.” He lifts himself out of a slump and watches me sit. “It’s morbid over here, just to warn you.” “That’s alright,” I say softly. “It’s morbid everywhere. Hospitals aren’t usually cheery.” “No kidding,” he mutters, then
“It’s like my choices in life have these catastrophic repercussions. I made a shitty selfish choice that hurt my sister, my mom, and now they’re both in the ICU. For what? Because I was scared to confront you?” Face twisting, he slumps back in his chair. “I’m such a fucking—”
“You wanna know something?” He nods once, listening. “I’ve made a bunch of shitty selfish choices in my twenty-nine years, and I can’t say that I regret a single one.” Xander frowns. “How?” “‘Cause it’s okay to put yourself first and chase after the things you want or run away from the things you don’t. Life’s too short to try to be perfect for everyone else.”
now, I’d give anything for my sister to be okay. I’d change places with her in a heartbeat. I’d rather be dead.” It stabs me. “She wouldn’t want that,” I tell him quietly. His chest caves. He stares at my bloodied fists again. “I’m selfish enough to hate when I am selfish, but not selfish enough to thrive on my own. I’m doomed; Luna’s not. Her future is better.”
“I wanna see yours too.” His tears surface as he looks back at me, but I just tell him the truth, “I hope I can be there, whatever happens. I wanna be there.”
No one looks thrilled to see Grandmother Calloway, who’s more accurately referred to as the Crow. Mostly by me.
“This isn’t about you,” Rose sneers. “Oh, be quiet, Rose,” the Crow retorts. “For once, in your life, just shut up.” “Excuse me?” Rose’s eyes flame. “Samantha.” Connor walks over quickly. He touches the small of Rose’s back. His other hand dives into Rose’s hand. “Now’s not the time. You need to leave.” “I—” she starts. “Mom.” Daisy tries to corral her out the door. “Visitors’ hours aren’t for another four hours. You don’t want to be here for that long. We’ll call you—” “Will you?” she snaps. “No, we fucking won’t,” Ryke declares. Lo comes forward. “Unless your name is Garrison Abbey and
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“I don’t know if I want to hug you or strangle you.” I can barely breathe. “I’ve got that effect on people.” I nod to him. “I’m not really into strangling though. I vote hug.” “I vote you better get out of my face.”
I’d categorize him as out-of-this-world sexy, and maybe it’s not just because of the tattoos scattering his carved arms and ridged abs. It’s not even his height or his handsome face. It’s how he’s coming towards me like a bright comet soaring through a darkened galaxy…headed for a favored planet. Headed for me…
A weird sensation tingles my skin at his closeness. A good weird. I love weird. I do know that.
The kyber crystal—I spent my thirteenth birthday money on that necklace at Philly Comic-Con. It took me two hours to pick out the collectible, and it’s not something I would part with—but I did. I gave it to him. I must trust him. He must mean something strong to me. After another soft “please” he rolls the doctor’s stool closer and takes a seat at my bedside.
but I blush a little at how he’s looking me over, as though he wants to scoop me up and carry me off to a place that’ll never harm me. Has anyone ever looked at me like that? Someone who’s not related to me?
The more my face heats, the more I realize this is real attraction roasting me. For another beat as his eyes sweep me, I study him like he’s a new specimen on my homeworld. Protective. He’s protective of me.
Passing him the watch, our fingers brush in slo-mo, and hairs rise on my arms, an electric feeling zipping through me again. How many times have I discovered this sensation?
I wonder if this seems as unbelievable to him as it does to me, and I’d one-hundred percent jot this down for a future fic. It’s a great sci-fi plot, but I don’t exactly want to live it!
Tears well. Overwhelmed tears. Happy but also sad that I’ve forgotten this monumental moment in my brother’s life. The brother I’m the closest to. “Moffy has a son.” I wipe at my wet cheeks. “He has a husband and a son…when he said he’d never have either.” He sacrifices so much for others, I never thought he’d choose a family of his own. I’m so happy for my brother, but the mourning of this memory tries to swallow me whole.
I see how he’s looking into me. I crave to reach that expression, to understand and know and feel, but it’s like my fingers are pressed to frosted glass and he’s stranded on the other side. Or maybe I’m the one isolated and marooned.
He’s holding my hand. I like how he encases my palm. It slows my racing pulse.
His presence feels needed, necessary, as if he’s the sole light among space and time.
Donnelly is a stranger to me. I have no idea who he really is—no memories, no past conversations floating in my brain. He’s nothing to me now, but he was something.
Maybe being in the arms of a stranger should be more nerve-wracking, but I’ve never been the cautious type. I think it worries my parents more than anyone.
there’s a No Fun Nurse out there who thinks I’m a piece of garbage that’s going to stink up your room. Joke’s on her because I smell great.” I sniff his bare chest, a bit tentative knowing it’s a strange thing to do. Yet, I want to sniff Donnelly all over like a bloodhound. He watches with a rising smile. “Smell away, space babe.” My heart pitter-patters. He calls me space babe? “My nose is powerful,” I warn. “Good. I’ll triple-down. I smell amazing.” I smile. “Gutsy.” “Been taking risks all my life. Think I can handle this one.”
His eyes…they remind me of blue spinel gems. How many times have I drowned in those blue pools?
“You and I are the same. We keep our issues to ourselves because letting other people see ‘em makes them bigger than they have to be. Gives power to them. Makes them feel more unbeatable than they are. It’s easier to just keep that stuff here.”
And when I look at him, I know—I know he’s good. Why would I give my kyber crystal to someone bad? He is light. He is harmony. He is love. The Force is within him. I saw it. I knew it. I’ve just forgotten it somehow.
The crystal. The watch. The sex this morning. He’s here. He fought to see me when everyone else told him not to. I trust Donnelly.
“Can’t leave. Stuck here like glue.” His hand still tightly clings to mine. “I’m getting your doctor.” “Do that,” Donnelly tells her. “Go get my best friend, Becky.”
“But the guy has never wanted me to leave. He’s made it easy for me to stay.” “Farrow is a caring bean,”
“You sharing your super space products?” “Maybe.” I shrug. “For a fee.” He sucks in a breath. “Girl, take…” He doesn’t finish, his voice dropping off. “What?” I look over at him. He skims my features. “Take my money,”
His face is fracturing. Pain lances his blue eyes as if he’s realizing that he’s lost something too. Lost me. He’s stopped pretending that I remember him.
The girl I’ve given my heart and soul to doesn’t know she even has my heart and soul.
“I know you don’t know anything about me,” I tell her, watching her gulp more air. Talking seems to help, so I continue, “But I’ve traveled to your planet and back again countless times.”
