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That’s the scary thing about decisions: you don’t know what they are when you’re making them.
Because sometimes things don’t go like they should. This is an inescapable property of reality, which we all must learn to accept. There just isn’t enough power in the universe for everybody to have all of it.
Anger is not a graceful emotion. I’ve never gotten mad and been like, I’m glad I behaved like that!
It was the type of argument you can only have with people you’re really close to—people you know so well you start to forget they’re a different person from you, so it sort of feels like nobody can see you.
From there, I wanted to go on to express how unfair the world is, and how many mistakes it’s possible to make even when you’re trying as hard as you can, and why I made the ones I did, and what they all were.
Sometimes all you can really do is keep moving and hope you end up somewhere that makes sense.
Anyway, that is the story of what can happen if you try to power-lift all your fears in one rep. The gains weren’t as dramatic as I was hoping, but perhaps it was foolish of me to expect it to work in the first place.
I’m very sorry to inform you of this, but if you grow up only reading happy stories where you find out the answers to all your questions, you will be scared and confused and probably die in a dumpster fire.
Because that’s intimacy, Buckaroos. Somebody who understands exactly how weird you are, and you understand exactly how weird they are, and you’re in a sort of mutually beneficial hostage situation.
