Life, the Universe, and Everything

by Douglas Adams

He was staring at the instruments with the air of one who is trying to convert Fahrenheit to centigrade in his head whilst his house is burning down.

‘Obliteration,’ it said. ‘We seek the Key,’ it repeated. ‘We already have the Wooden Pillar, the Steel Pillar and the Perspex Pillar. In a moment we will have the Gold Bail …’ ‘No you won’t.’ ‘We will,’ stated the robot. ‘No you won’t. It makes my ship work.’ ‘In a moment,’ repeated the robot patiently, ‘we will have the Gold Bail …’ ‘You will not,’ said Zaphod. ‘And then we must go,’ said the robot, in all seriousness, ‘to a party.’ ‘Oh,’ said Zaphod, startled. ‘Can I come?’ ‘No,’ said the robot. ‘We are going to shoot you.’ ‘Oh yeah?’ said Zaphod, waggling his gun. ‘Yes,’ said the robot, and they shot him. Zaphod was so surprised that they had to shoot him again before he fell down.

Zaphod did not want to tangle with them and, deciding that just as discretion was the better part of valour, so was cowardice the better part of discretion, he valiantly hid himself in a cupboard.