Kindle Notes & Highlights
Branches scraped against my face as I sprinted through the dense trees, slapping branches out of my way.
Branches, branches. Repetition.
as fire ripped through my body. I was back in a lab with men standing over me, their hands outstretched, saying words I didn’t understand that swirled around me as fire ripped through my body,
"as fire ripped though my body" Repetition.
The wood was becoming less dense and I could see a half moon peeking through the trees.
Character had described being in something resembling a forest, "the woods were" would be more appropriate.
I was getting the hell out of these damn woods and survive this ordeal.
Surviving
It curved around a grove of trees and straightened, the dark wood on either side of it.
Same scene as before, "the dark woods" feels more appropriate given the context.
Everything was a daze.
?
He sat down at the edge of the bed.
I'm guessing he's *on* the edge of the bed "at" would imply he sat down on the floor next to the edge.
“Last time I check your bandages, you were almost fully healed.
Checked
He left before I could ask him anymore questions.
any more
“Whose names are on these buildings,” I asked
Missing '?' at the end of question.
“You all right?” Kellie asked
Name of character is Kelly.
“And who are they,” I asked
Missing '?' at the end of question.
Kelly stopped with her eyes wide. “Seriously?” “Joking.” I laughed. “Just joking,” I lied, and we walked again. “Do you have a guy here?”
There were three paragraphs here. Middle one seems like it should have been deleted during editing.
Otherwise,“Joking. Just joking,” I lied, covering my deception with a laugh, and we walked again. “Do you have a guy here?”
“I’m always up for a challenge if you want to try to best me?” Fergus tapped Declan’s chest. Kelly arched an eyebrow at him, her face unreadable. “You will take care of her?” Her voice turned serious.
Change in speaker. Convention calls for full stop and new paragraph between "chest" and "Kelly".
“When’s the first lesson,” I managed to croak out.
Missing '?' at the end of question.
“Any good that's going to do them.”
Idiom is "lot of good that will do".
Avery and Sloan giggled and Kyna shot them a nasty look.
There's no Sloane. Character's Nameis Sonia
Sloan sat next to him
Sonia
This happened the first time.
Happened for the first time (context).
The air was chill against my skin now
Chilly
“Crap. So he saw that while thing, too.”
?
“Morning class!” Professor Dobbs greeted us with a welcoming sweep of her hand.
Morning, class. But also, the characters just had lunch, so its very clearly not morning any longer
busily passing what seemed the same note to each other.
Seemed like
As I walked out of the lecture hall and Alexis Schoenburg ran up to me.
Delete "and"
“Yes, Kelly,” I said exasperated. “I saw the way Professor Krysz does his classes. If the class sees my fire as being separate from the spell or hex, I cast and not coming from the conduit ring, I’m fucked, right?”
There's an unnecessary paragraph break, since speaker hasn't changed. Also comma should be after "cast" not "hex".
“Shouldn’t be we be getting trained to protect ourselves at night?
Shouldn't we be
“She showed me some of some of the spells and hexes you’d gone over so far.”
"Some of" doubled
