You're Too Good to Feel This Bad: An Orthodox Approach to Living an Unorthodox Life

by Nate Dallas

Harness your passion and curiosity for that topic and attack it with a precision focus.

Launch, then learn on the fly and make adjustments as I went.

We are stuck in the middle but fail to realize it because we are doing noticeably better than most.

The three-word, simple takeaway from this book may be: raise your standards. Better standards require us to remove some things and add some others. They force us to accept some things and refuse to accept others.

If there is a single goal in this book that we should be militant about mastering, it’s achieving high-quality sleep.

No superfood, vitamin, or drug on the planet can accomplish what good sleep achieves. Proper sleeping will: Make you live longer and look more attractive Increase your memory, focus, and mental cognition Protect you from cancer, dementia, and the common cold

Make you feel happier and enhance your sex life Lower your anxiety, decrease your depression, and improve your relationships Speed recovery times and prevent injuries Make you more creative and a better problem solver

Sleeping five or six hours a night didn’t make me a hero; it only reinforced what an idiot I was for enduring needless suffering. The fact that I ignored such fundamental knowledge and kept sleep on the back burner for as long as I did still perplexes me—and thinking about what those choices might’ve cost me is infuriating.

We cannot do peak work, whether physical or mental, without sufficient sleep. Proper sleep regulates hormones that control energy, focus, appetite, attitude, happiness, and sex drive. Without it, we cannot function optimally. Poor sleep also compromises our immune system.

Here are a few questions that might assist in determining if you are getting enough sleep:

As adenosine accumulates, the urge to sleep intensifies. At peak adenosine levels, we must sleep to prevent serious damage. Then, as we sleep, adenosine levels drop. The rate of adenosine metabolism and clearance determines how long we sleep as well as the quality of that sleep. For an average adult, it takes about 8 hours of sleep to clear 16 hours of adenosine buildup.

Melatonin does not affect how deeply you sleep, but it greatly influences how sleepy you become each day.

Caffeine does not produce energy, as often advertised. It merely delays sleepiness by blocking adenosine. Caffeine binds to the very same receptors in the brain that are needed to bind adenosine. When caffeine attaches to the receptors, adenosine gets blocked from binding to the site. Remember, adenosine accumulates every hour we are awake. Therefore, when caffeine is on board, we don’t get as sleepy as we should because the adenosine is left in the system with nowhere to express its sleep signals.

truth is that alcohol is a sedative, which means it will sedate you, not make you sleep. Sedation (unconsciousness) and sleep are not the same things. Drinking alcohol may make you a better dancer and make you feel sleepier after the party, but you won’t stay asleep or sleep deeply. Alcohol breaks the natural sleep cycle and disturbs healthy sleep. It also blocks REM sleep, which is another reason why some people can’t remember much after a binger.

We sleep better if we are a little chilly rather than a little warm. It’s easier to fall asleep in a cooler atmosphere, and we achieve deeper sleep there, so drop your home thermostat a few degrees two hours before bedtime and bump it down another few when you head to the bedroom for the night.

ring, but there are many products available today to track sleep

This widespread practice of full-chested breathing is wrong. It may be a big breath, but that’s not the same thing as a deep or effective one. A large, chest breath mainly uses the upper lungs, where we have the weakest return on our oxygen saturation and exchange rate.

But perhaps a driving reason we transition to bad breathing is simple vanity. Most men want their chests to look more prominent and their gut to look smaller.

The thing that most people don’t understand is that the item that determines how much oxygen gets removed and used is the other gas, CO2.

The hemoglobin holding the oxygen will not release the oxygen it carries until it is in the presence of carbon dioxide. The incoming O2 and the outgoing CO2 molecules exchange places in the RBC. One gets off, and the other gets on. The O2 rides the hemoglobin through the bloodstream until it reaches the body part in need. That area of the body can only de-bond the hemoglobin to receive the oxygen it is carrying if there is a CO2 molecule to trade.

When we are breathing faster or heavier, already at 99% saturation, there is no benefit to the larger breaths. In this process, we are driving off more of our CO2 supply by exhaling more often. This reduces the number of available exchange molecules needed for our high oxygen supply. So, when breathing too much, we are lowering how much oxygen our bodies can utilize.

When we are exercising, the urge to breathe more kicks in too. This is natural. However, we now understand that we have a plentiful supply of oxygen, and it replenishes faster than we can consume it. So why is the overwhelming urge to breathe more present? It’s not starvation for oxygen. Our brain is not in a panic, responding to dropping oxygen levels. The urge to breathe is more of a reaction to a low tolerance for rising CO2. When muscles are being used, they heat up and produce more carbon dioxide. When CO2 levels rise, our brain signals us to breathe more because it is sensitive to the CO2 levels. This increase in breathing drives off more of the rising CO2. But remember: we need some of that CO2 to stay there so that, when the oxygen comes by, it can be traded and used in the now taxed tissues. The best time to deliver more oxygen is just after our muscles get worked, stressed, and tired out. During exercise, our heart pumps more blood to move more RBCs faster. If there is enough CO2 left in the system, the oxygen can be effectively used and consumed. The way to keep the gases in a more optimal balance and to train our brains to be less sensitive to the rising CO2 is to learn to maintain the superior breathing techniques at all times.

We need a long-term, permanent plan to raise the standards for what we eat. Another crash diet won’t suffice.

Proper eating is a lifestyle, not a temporary rescue.

This irregularity confuses our system and hinders proper biorhythms. In doing this, we are training our bodies not to trust us. Our metabolism slows down, and our body begins to store more fat to prepare for these times of starvation. The fat deposits collect in various places throughout the body as backup fuel to burn when food isn’t available. Rarely does it accumulate in a flattering manner. If we regularly eat the right foods on a consistent schedule, our metabolism stays high, and we store less fat.

Eating smart is much easier when we aren’t desperate for fuel.

Some form of weight training or other activity that requires muscular strain is required. Push yourself to your limit. It’s supposed to burn. Work a muscle safely to the extreme, then allow at least three days of recovery before working that same muscle again.

The more we do something, the more established the neural connections become in our systems, and the more likely we are to do them again.

One of the most valuable skills we can cultivate in daily life is the ability to recognize when we are in a foolish pattern. Honest awareness should come before any action. Once in sight, we can craft the discipline needed to break destructive patterns.

“Any person capable of angering you becomes your master.”

An incredible thing to understand is that our brains cannot process gratitude and anxiety at the same time. In other words, you cannot be grateful and angry at the same time, or grateful and fearful at the same time. If you focus on one, the other ceases. They require different areas of the brain to process and are mutually exclusive. They can alternate but not function simultaneously.

When I’m sad, I rarely see things accurately. When I’m tired, I take the lazy approach. When impatient, I choose what is expedient instead of what is wise. Many details get exaggerated in a poor state, and many others get overlooked. I

You now have a niche knowledge that will change your life, once situation at a time. This isn’t complicated. Recognize when you are in a state that does not align with optimal health and happiness and does not contribute to accomplishing your goals. Take action quickly to change your state before you overthink it or change your mind. Use both your body and your mind to escape. Change your physiology first, and then your focus. Do this as often as necessary until they become habitual and part of your identity.

Once we establish the specific goals for our being, everything starts orienting towards them. It may be useful to focus on a single item at a time. If I decide that I will craft my character around endurance, I now have a clear mission. Now, everything in life is about pacing, finishing the race, pushing through, and not giving up.

If I choose peace as my identity, all of my actions center toward that waypoint. I can now disengage from futile spats, choose reconciliation over vindication, be a conscientious mediator for opposing groups, or be able to walk away from foolish engagements.

Once we focus on a single positive thing, we begin to see opportunities for it everywhere. Unfortunately, the opposite is true too. If all we are looking for is something negative, we will find it, even if we have to distort the story. We modify details to match our intention. Multiple witnesses will recount the exact same event with different details based on the mindset of the viewer. A politician’s speech will be interpreted based on the listener’s attitude, not the speaker’s words or intent. We

Be polite. Smile. Don’t lie. Take turns. Help each other. Share. Play fairly. Keep your cool. Be patient. Don’t steal. Be merciful. Do no harm. Be a team player. Don’t overreact. Work hard. Pull your weight. Stop complaining. Clean up after yourself. Don’t spend more money than you make. Don’t hate. Don’t gossip. Don’t be nosy. Respect people’s space.

When we are falling short, we craft stories to mask our inconsistencies. However, they don’t produce any lasting peace, only chaos. Eventually, we get called on our bluff. Then we make more excuses and point fingers to ease our guilt. Justifying our shortcomings and pretending we don’t see them is a terrible surrogate for real action and virtue. I can blame my workplace, my spouse, my kids, my lack of support, or even my DNA for my problems, but to what avail? The problem is still sitting there, unresolved. When I’m willing to accept an excuse in place of the goal itself, I should admit that I never wanted it badly enough in the first place. My actions expose my true passions, or lack thereof. They are condemning. We can often fool others, but not ourselves.

What does it say is wrong with the current picture? What are you anxious, sad, or angry about? Those answers can reveal a place for action. We must either change our interpretation of the problem or take action to dissolve it. Do we make essential adjustments to fight the issues that plague us multiple times per day? Or do we remain unchanged, all while resenting the boss, coworkers, family members, and other people who aren’t living the way we desire? Are we victims, maintaining the problem because it gives us a permanent excuse for so many other issues? After all, if work is too demanding, we not only lack time for our family, but also for religion, charity, play, or self-care. There are so many cop-outs on the ready. “I can’t cook real food because I am too busy. My only option is fast food because I am so chained down. I’ll fix it when I get rich.” Are you a person who fixes things, or one who is abused by them? You cannot be both. I realize that much of this sounds uncharitable or hyperbolic, but I am speaking from experience.

is counter-cultural to be unwounded and to refuse to be a victim. It has somehow become socially acceptable to be wound-identified and to have an existence based on that wound. It’s a source of sympathy and too often an excuse for not becoming an adult. Wounding others is a quick way to feel better about ourselves, but recklessly selfish. We tear others down to make ourselves look better. After all, the fastest way to have the tallest building in town is to burn down all the other buildings. But acting like a terrorist is in direct opposition to our values, so once again, we lose. The goal should be to remain humble, which is a mindset where we can be grateful for experiencing life and where no one owes us anything. As Mother Teresa of Calcutta put it, “If you are humble, nothing will touch you; neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.”

The ultimate solution we are dreaming of to create harmony and happiness may not even exist.

Many people will only do something challenging when the risk of not doing it is higher than the pain of doing

When I notice I lack motivation or desire for something I know I need to do, I write out two scenarios. One list is how my lazy and selfish inactions will affect life later. The other list is how my disciplined actions would affect the future if I execute them well.

Courage is doing what we must do despite the fear.

At some point, maybe we can stop fighting life and roll with it, developing amor fati, a Latin phrase translated as “love of one’s fate.” It describes an attitude in which one sees everything that happens in life, including pain and loss, as good, or at least necessary.

We certainly prefer to avoid suffering, but when it finds us, we accept that it’s our turn and try to push through gracefully.

How we suffer matters, and there are many options ...

it’s disingenuous to say, “Just look on the bright side” or “Focus on the positive.” A better option may be to evaluate whether there is any benefit to entertaining the anxiety.

The better questions are: Who do you want to see when you look in the mirror, or better still, when you look inwardly? Who are you at your core?

He encouraged me to keep punching my timecard every day and doing the work. Courage and persistence were the only viable choices. Those were the things that would prevent looking back with disdain for myself if I chose poorly. So