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March 29 - March 30, 2025
Revenge is paying twice for a hurt that someone else did to you. You pay a price when they hurt you. You pay double when you carry that pain inside your heart and it causes you to say and do things you wouldn’t otherwise say and do. You may think getting back at them will make you feel better in the short term, but in the long term it will always cost you more emotionally and spiritually than you’d ever want to pay.
Forgiveness releases to the Lord your need for them to be punished or corrected, giving it to the only One who can do this with right measures of justice and mercy.
The peace from forgiveness is more satisfying than revenge.
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:18–21 ESV)
2. OUR GOD IS NOT A DO-NOTHING GOD.
And when you are suffering so much that each next breath seems excruciating and the one causing the pain is seemingly thriving and prospering, it’s easy to start assuming God is doing nothing.
But we don’t serve a do-nothing God. He is always working.
God is always doing something.
God was still at work in my husband even when I couldn’t see evidence of that.
And maybe that’s the very reason God instructs us to pray for our enemies. Job 15:20 reminds us, “The wicked man writhes in pain all his days” (ESV). And Psalm 44:15 says, “All day long my dishonor is before me and my humiliation has overwhelmed me” (NASB).
Casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully]. (1 Peter 5:7 AMP)
3. YOUR OFFENDER IS ALSO SUFFERING FROM PAIN.
The one who causes pain is in pain.
For my pain. For the fact that no human gets through life without being deeply, deeply hurt at some point.
Grief finds all of us. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)
THE PURPOSE OF FORGIVENESS IS NOT ALWAYS RECONCILIATION.
The point of forgiveness is to keep your heart swept clean, cooperating with God’s command to forgive and keeping yourself in a position to be able to receive God’s forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t always fix relationships, but it does help mend the hurting heart.
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (Romans 12:18 ESV)
Now the goal of our instruction is love that comes from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith. (1 Timothy 1:5 CSB)
5. THE ENEMY IS THE REA...
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In Ephesians 6:11 that word can in the original Greek form is dynasthai, meaning “I am powerful—I have the power.”2 We aren’t powerless when the enemy stirs up trouble among us. The secret is to be aware of this. The power is not in question. But our awareness of it often rises and falls on our willingness to do
what God’s Word says to do in times of conflict.
Ephesians 6:11–12 encourages us to “put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against
the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
This we must sit with. And sit in. Until we can dare to walk in it. Live it out. And maybe even one day declare it as a truth we’ve decided to own. There is nothing more powerful than a person living what God’s Word teaches.
As I’ve stated over and over, hurting people will hurt other people. When we recognize this, we can invest our energy in one of two directions. The first direction is, we can draw appropriate boundaries. This is not to shut people out, but rather to shield ourselves from the consequences of their hurtful behaviors affecting us more than them. The other direction is to try and change that person, who, by the way, will only grow more and more difficult with every tightening grip of your attempted control. And even if you were successful, the most you could ever accomplish is behavior management.
Change can only happen for them from the inside out. Truly sustainable, lasting change must come from inside their own heart, not from pressure exerted from the outside in.
Remember, forgiveness shouldn’t be an open door for people to take advantage of us. Forgiveness releases our need for retaliation, not our need for boundaries.
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
And none of those reactions are conducive to staying compassionate or forgiving.
Compassion is key to forgiveness. As long as you are trying to control a person, you can’t truly forgive them. Part of this is because you are continuing to place yourself in real-time frustrations that short-circuit the forgiveness process. But the other reason is that without boundaries their continued poor choices will bankrupt your spiritual capacity for continued compassion.
Nor are these boundaries going to be seen by all parties involved as beautiful additions to our relationship landscape. But, for the sake of progress, here are some good questions to consider:
It’s for the sake of your sanity that you draw necessary boundaries. It’s for the sake of stability that you stay consistent with those boundaries.
But always remember that, as we grow with Christ, our capacity for compassion should have the propensity to expand. Therefore, it’s for the sake of maturity that you ask the Lord to help you reassess those boundaries.
Setting healthy boundaries is for the sake of freedom and growth and reestablishing healthy relational habits for all parties involved. Again, it isn’t to keep the other person away; it’s to help keep yourself together. And it’s what enables you to continue to love that person and treat them with respect.
It’s for the sake of your sanity that you draw necessary boundaries. It’s for the sake of stability that you stay consistent with those boundaries.
My counselor says, “Adults inform, children explain.” I will state my boundaries with compassion and clarity. But I will not negotiate excuses or navigate exceptions with lengthy explanations that wear me down emotionally. •I can mute someone’s social media account that triggers unhealthy reactions when I see them. This may be a better first step than unfollowing them . . . but if unfollowing is more appropriate, then I can make that choice. •I will not sweep lies under the rug or help another person cover up their bad behaviors. I will clearly communicate what my parameters are around this
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resources. I’m not just doing this for myself; I am also
doing this for the other people I do life with. It is unfair for someone who isn’t respecting my boundaries to constantly send me into a funk and risk me taking it out on others. •I can choose not to engage in conversations that encourage the emotional spiral. Processing the situation with a few trusted advisors can be healthy. Processing with anyone who only wants the juicy details is slander and will take me into the pit of gossip. •I will not crumble if the other person accuses me of wrong intentions when I set boundaries. Instead, I can firmly say, “Please hear me speak this in love. I
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What makes faith fall apart isn’t doubt. It’s becoming too certain of the wrong things.
Resurrection. Hang with me through a few more paragraphs. Webster’s definition for hope is not the only definition for hope. Hope is the echo of eternity assuring
us there is resurrection ahead of us. Faith is believing that whether we see it on earth or in heaven, God will return the world to the description of His original design: “It is all good.” The perfection of Eden isn’t just gone; it’s also in the process of returning.
“Hope is the melody of the future. Faith is dancing to that...
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The more we forgive, the more we can know we are right in step with God, no matter what direction our life goes.
Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice,
