Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Daniel Stoic
Read between
June 10 - June 24, 2021
Make a list of positive traits. Write at least ten positive things you can think of.
Think about the traits or characteristics you like about yourself. Think exclusively about what you like, not what others say.
Skills and achievements. Thinks of any accomplishments you have achieved and write them down.
Think of at least three situations where you were confronted with such a situation and how you were able to successfully navigate through it.
Try to focus and think of at least four or five people who have helped you.
In creating these lists, take your time and reflect on your decisions. What about each of these items makes them significant enough that they are chosen? The purpose of the exercise is not just finding positive things to list, but also to reflect on each of them carefully, and enjoy the positivity for each experience.
All interactions are simple and brief. Take a deep breath and think of what to say before you proceed. This can be as simple as “Hello, how are you?” or “Good morning, do you happen to know when the next train is due?”
All these brief conversations are positive or neutral
the thought of approaching a stranger in an unfamiliar place causes you to feel nervousness or anxiety, consider speaking with someone who is in a position to help. For example, an “Information” booth in a tourist area of a new city or town is a great place to start.
If speaking to someone face-to-face is too much to handle in a specific situation, make a phone call instead.
effectively. If you are prone to stumbling over what to say at the moment, prepare what you plan to say or ask first, which may include writing it down so that the words flow easier.
Review the expectations of the job. Read, and become familiar with the qualifications and duties are for the position. There may be a list of attributes or specific skills needed, or a more open- ended variety of characteristics for a job.
Research the company or organization. Knowing about a company’s history, products and/or services is vital. During an interview, you may be asked why you want to work for a company or join an organization.
“I would like to work for this company/volunteer for this organization because I respect the values of the organization and am a goal-oriented person.” b. “I feel that my skill-set and experience can contribute positively to the goals of the company/organization.”
Aim high for a good first impression. If you are not comfortable in very formal attire, a plain, well-fitted pair of pants and crisp blouse or shirt can do the trick, along with a comfortable pair of dress shoes.
Preparing ahead will naturally reduce anxiety and pressure associated with impending social or professional meetings and situations. Keep in mind that the people you meet with may be nervous as well; often we forget that other people may experience the same or similar feelings of anxiousness or uncertainty.
Talk about the weather. Everybody does it and is aware of the forecast. It’s one of the easiest topics to talk about and a great conversation starter. If you know about a possible storm warning or downpour, even better. Take note that after a few comments about whether it’s going to rain or snow, most people will stop at that point, and decide to change to another topic.
Offer to shake hands or simply nod when making the exchange. Not everyone will shake hands, and some people will graciously accept a handshake. Following the introduction, ask the person how they are and/or if they are having a good time.
Use a person’s name in the conversation, even if only once after the introduction. This can apply to a simple greeting that lasts less than a minute, or a longer conversation of five minutes or more.
When a person tells you their name, respond with “It’s a pleasure to meet you, ”.
Be witty or funny. This may not be the best option for everyone. If the idea of taking a chance on being funny doesn’t seem like a good fit for you, them avoid it altogether.
Talk about music or sports. These are easy topics that most people are interested in.
Maintain eye contact, stay focused and avoid distractions. Eye contact should not be constant unless you notice that the person responds to it. Some people find continuous eye contact invasive and intimidating, while others find it engaging and a genuine show of interest. If someone talking to you looks away momentarily and/or only makes eye contact here and there, try doing the same. It will make them feel more comfortable.
Ask open-ended questions that require a longer response than a simple “yes” or “no”. If we do ask a question that responds with yes, or no, build on it. Ask more about their interest and/or reason(s) why. It’s another way to learn about them and build a conversation around an interesting topic. Listen carefully. Lending an ear is one of the best ways to stay engaged. If the other person enjoys communicating with you, this is a good sign that they are enjoying their interaction.
Visualize yourself in a successful situation. It can be realistic or complete fantasy. Imagine that you are a superhero flying into disaster to rescue people or confronting a villain to stop them from doing harm.
Eat well and take care of yourself. Do what you need to keep healthy, fit and eating properly. When we feel stressed and anxious, we may overeat or skip meals entirely. We may also neglect our health and become withdrawn. These are situations we should avoid at all costs. If you feel upset or impacted by a negative experience, go for a walk and drink lots of water.
Always make time for yourself, at least once a day, whether it’s ten minutes on two hours. Taking care of your emotional, physical and mental health is of utmost importance.
Affirmations are an excellent way to rid yourself of the negative thoughts and self-doubting that many of us have.
“You are valued.” “You are strong in body and mind.” “You can do what you put your mind to.”
Take small risks. Skydiving or scaling a mountain may or may not be on your list of risks to take, so take a smaller risk or chance in life, and do it regularly. Try a new hairstyle or change your wardrobe. Visit another city or town you have never been to before. If traveling on your own is something you want to try, but have always felt afraid to do, take small trips by train, bus or a mini road trip.
Be helpful to others. Sometimes engaging with other people or feeling good is a lot of work. It’s a constant reminder of how fragile we can be, and yet we are strong and resilient too. Helping other people can be a powerful and wonderful way to realize that what we do has an impact on other people. Buying a coffee for someone down on their luck, volunteering at a shelter or donating to a local charity are examples of how we can make a difference. It matters most that we are helping someone in need, and at the same time, we experience the joy of giving and making an impact in our community.
Learning to read and understand non-verbal cues and body language is equally important. While some people are good at communicating verbally exactly what is on their mind, not everyone will. Some people avoid disagreement or expressing their thoughts, but instead will convey their reactions in the form of gestures and other non-verbal movements.
A person’s posture says a lot about their confidence. If a person keeps their back straight and looks ahead, they appear confident. If they slouch over, they may look intimidated or helpless. When this happens during a conversation, it can mean that either the person holds this posture regularly, if it is consistent, or has become very uncomfortable during the conversation if they suddenly slouch over and “hide”. If this is the case, show some reassurance, or simply switch topics. Make the person feel comfortable.
Head motions, such as nodding, tilting to one side or anoth...
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The tapping of feet, fingers, or similar twitching or head movements can mean that someone is nervous or disturbed by something.
Watching for clues during a conversation can determine how someone is responding to us, which includes non-verbal gestures or motions. Some people may be quiet and unlikely to say how they honestly feel, and instead, fold their arms or distance themselves when they are unhappy.
In addition to body language and gestures, another way people communicate is how they dress or present themselves. If they dress formally to attend an event, even where formal attire is not required, they may want to make an impression with their appearance and style.
One helpful exercise to try, the next time you are in a public space: observe people having a conversation and watch their body language. We don’t have to know what they are saying or what the conversation is about, but merely observing how they react to one another.
Use similar expressions to the person you are communicating with. This doesn’t mean mimicking them, but rather keeping the facial signals subtle or minimal if they are subdued, or responding with stronger, but not too exaggerated, movements to keep them interested Keep your face towards them, with your chin up and eyes focusing on them.
Smile, but don’t overdo it. Keep your gestures friendly and avoid over-exaggerating your facial expressions,
Make a list of all the things you do. This may seem like a daunting task, especially if you find yourself constantly busy, from working full-time to raising a family and/or working on various projects and running common errands and chores. It’s important to include everything, even the items you don’t perform other, but at least weekly.
When the list is complete, post it on your refrigerator or desk, so that it is readily available to review and add more items if necessary.
Rearrange your list to prioritize from the most important to the least important. The first items on your list may be making important commitments with family or work, as well as medical appointments.
When prioritizing items on your list, remember these will be the events that will go on your time management schedule first, followed by another, a second layer of priority.
Trying a new restaurant or taking the kids to a new theme park are important for our well-being, though they are adjustable events that can be rescheduled or shifted as needed.
Delegate as much as possible. Find people to help you where it’s needed. Sometimes we think we have to do everything on our own, and when we do, it becomes more stressful and exhausted. At the end of a stressful, draining week, we may not feel like socializing at all or have the energy to do anything else. Delegating chores to family or asking co-workers for help is a good way to lightening your plate and making the weekly grind easier.
Take care of yourself and schedule “me” time. As much as our job, family and friends need us and we need them, we also need that alone time to recharge and simply do nothing. Even one hour of solitude can work wonders, giving us a sense of slowing down the fast pace of life and taking much needed time to relax and feel human again.
Plan ahead. Preparing a time management schedule from week to week or for the next month is important, but it’s also important to take time to plan further ahead for vacations, large scale projects, and family commitments.
Avoid distractions and make a point of finding a space or environment, as much as possible, to get work done.
Accept that not everything can be done as planned.
