Improve Your Social Skills: The Ultimate Guide to Boost Your Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence. Upgrade Your Communication Skills and Establish Better Relationships by Overcoming Negative Thoughts

by Daniel Stoic

How we respond in various situations can make a significant difference in the outcome and the way we communicate with others.

In a situation where social anxiety occurs, a person may choose the “flight” option, effectively leaving a party, conference or social event to avoid interacting with other people. When choosing the “fight” option in this instance, the opposite occurs: the person remains at the event or within the group and makes an effort to communicate. The “freeze” option is when neither flight or fight occurs, and the person simply stays but does not engage with anyone.

When we take a proactive approach, we try to minimize or prevent something that may cause a problem later. If you notice signs of tension during a conversation or the potential for an explosive argument between people, you may take action before it happens, by setting certain controls in place.

When taking the reactive approach, it is the exact opposite of proactive. We become reactive or react to an event after it has occurred, either because we were not able to prevent it from happening or chose not to do so.

In some cultures, the expression of emotion is embraced and accepted. People brought up in an environment that doesn’t shame or stop others from showing emotions, such as grief, anger or disappointment, as examples are beneficial in that people can release those feelings without fear of being seen as “weak” or unable to control their feelings.

For some people and cultures, suppressing certain emotions is expected, and any sign of sadness, fear or anger is frowned upon. This can have a negative effect on some people who need to find an outlet for their feelings, especially after experiencing a loss. In certain ways of upbringing and societies, showing happiness and agreement are expected constantly, and any sign of disagreement is discouraged, even stigmatized.

Nurturing/Parental Personalities: This personality describes a caring person, who may have strong values and principles about supporting and helping others. Nurses, caregivers, social workers, and certain types of advocates for marginalized people can easily fit into this category. Most nurturing and caring people are consistently this way and usually reserve judgment, often looking after people who are vulnerable or disadvantaged in one way or another.

Empaths: People with a strong sense of empathy towards others are very sensitive to their own emotions and the feelings of others. These sensations can be strong at times, and it gives them the ability to connect and empathize with the way other people feel. They are genuine in their connection, and similar in some ways, to the nurturing/parental personality type. They are different in that they rely on intuition and emotion and may not always use the most practical approach when handling certain situations.

“Pioneer” or Dominant Personalities: These people are considered bold, upfront, and sometimes very blunt and direct. They tend to dominate conversations and focus on goals. They are usually ambitious and focused on the future, sometimes possessing strategic skills for planning, though may be rigid and restrictive. Dominant personalities can be exhausting,...

Protectors: People who take ownership and responsibility for themselves and sometimes others’ actions are seen as protectors. They tend to be practical, sensible and fair, sometimes taking on more than they should. Protectors can also be logical and clear-he...

Creative Personalities: They are visionaries and are creative with their ideas and solutions. They usually envision the big picture and how the pieces of everything fits together, where others focus on specific areas or details.

People with strong personalities will always be a challenge. The dominant or “pioneer” personality is one of the most difficult, in that a person fitting this role will want to take the lead and delegate, rather than listen. They may be considered a “pioneer” if they want to blaze a new path or direction in a company and be noticed as a founder of a project or business venture. When approaching someone in this role, taking a subdued yet firm voice is usually effective.

Creative people can be engaging and enthusiastic when they feel strongly about a vision and will respond well to communication that supports their way of thinking and views of the world. Creative personalities tend to be idealistic and fun, though not always practical. When communicating with them on a topic, you may notice that they become drawn to the big picture and large-scale ideas and thoughts. It can be both interesting and sometimes tricky to navigate through a conversation with them, when they are enjoying listening to themselves describe a new concept or plan.

Protectors and nurturing personality types are easier to converse with than other personalities. Their moods tend to be stable and they are clear-headed, focused and consistent. Once they make a decision, they usually stick with the plan and will not change unless there is a logical reason to do so. People who aim to protect are also good at self-improvement and taking/accepting responsibility for their actions. They respond well to constructive criticism and actually respect someone who speaks up and takes charge.

People with an empath-type of personality are usually sensitive and keen to others’ feelings and emotions. They may respond well to your way of communication if you approach them carefully and with a calm demeanor. In some situations, depending on the type of conversation or items discussed, an empath may become emotional or passionate in expressing their thoughts and feelings about a certain topic or social issue.

Improving your communication skills is more than focusing on you, as it includes knowing the environment your life and work in as well.

One example of a difficult situation may be an abusive or toxic person in our life. They may not be physically violent, though use their words to emotionally and verbally mistreat others. This can take a toll on our self- confidence and how others may see us.

Avoid difficult people and situations as much as possible, whenever and however you can. If they are difficult because of abusive behavior, you may require support from your employer or a someone in a professional capacity (therapist, counselor) that can give you more specific guidance on how to remove yourself (and others, such as family, co-workers) from abusive situations.

Every day has its potential to get better or worse, and keeping a healthy, positive mindset is the best way to begin. Use daily affirmations as a way to boost your self-confidence and know that you are worth being treated with respect and dignity. Always keep this in mind.

One of the triggers for a verbal attack occurs when someone feels as though they are treated unfairly. They may blame you for their misfortune and make a scene in front of you and/or others.

Remain calm and address them in this way: explain that you had no intention of any mistreatment or unfairness and ask what they need.

The most important way to approach an angry or potentially explosive situation is to not engage in the same manner. As tempting as it may be to shout or yell back, especially if we are hurt or feel angry (even justifiably) in response, it will only escalate the situation more, and there could be reprisal and possible violence if a person feels challenged. Even if your response in anger or frustration is a justified response, avoid a disaster and try to calm the situation before leaving the room or area altogether.

Sometimes when we face difficult situations, we feel alone and unsupported. This is usually an exaggerated reaction to the way we see our self sometimes, especially if we often do things alone or do not feel comfortable asking for help. It’s always good to consider that a lot of people will step up and help, even during a challenging scenario. Sometimes others observe and understand what we are going through, even if we are not aware.

When we start a conversation, whether we are meeting someone for the first time, or getting reacquainted with someone we already know or have met before, we usually start with small talk. It’s a practical, easy way to break the ice and it makes communication more comfortable. Once we break through the initial chatter, it can get boring fast. This is where switching to an intelligent conversation is the goal of really getting to learn about someone, their interests, while making a good impression of yourself on them and others. A good first impression and greeting are important, but what follows is even more impactful.

remember you for you good conversation and knowledge, not just small talk. How can you transition from small talk to an intelligent, meaningful conversation? It can be an easy process with some people, and a bit more involving with others. If the other person is keen on starting the conversation or moving into a more in-depth topic, the best practice at that point is to simply listen and acknowledge. It may be a topic you are familiar with, or something completely new. Either way, it’s an opportunity to make an impression:

Ask the right questions and use good judgment. People love attention and asking them about a topic that they are familiar with will prompt them to talk more, while giving you valuable information at the same time. Try asking questions at the right time, when there is a pause in the conversation. Rephrase certain information to show you are paying attention; by doing this, you’ll also become more knowledgeable about the topic being discussed.

Try a new approach. When people ask how you are, we usually answer with “I’m fine” or “I’m good, and how are you?” Instead, we can make a unique statement or impression by saying something like: “I’m ready for an adventure or a vacation” or “I’m looking forward to reading (mention a specific book)”. This type of response will unexpectedly start an interesting, and fun conversation. It also gives the other person the impression that there’s more to you than a generic response to a greeting.

Think of an interesting story to share. It doesn’t have to be too personal or your story. It could be a fact discovered while touring a historic site on a vacation or discovering a new fencing club in your neighborhood. It doesn’t have to be a dramatic event. In fact, keep it light-hearted, fun and fascinating. This is a great way to create a link from small talk to a more interesting discussion.

Avoid cookie-cutter responses and jump into a new direction with something more thrill-seeking.

Discuss a project that you are working on. This can be anything from painting a picture, renovating a room in your home or starting a new blog. Sharing your creative side is a way to make a conversation interesting without getting too personal. Think of your journey to deciding on a specific project or goal. If you started a new blog, for example, about exotic plants or bizarre historical facts, this is definitely worth sharing and discussing.

Focus on the other person. Everyone has something about them that is unique and interesting. Make it a goal to find out what that uniqueness is in other people. They will find your approach personable and fun, without feeling invasive or probing. You can simply ask: “If you have to think of something unique or bizarre about yourself, what would it be?” It’s not a personal question, as much as it is a focus on finding someone’s creativity.

There are many hidden talents that we possess that can boost our confidence, once we discover them.

Take a look into your past, into your childhood, and various stages throughout your life. Were there any hobbies or enjoyable activities that you practiced then that you may be good at now? For example, we might have enjoyed painting or sketching, without realizing the potential of developing our skills later on in life. Do you remember anyone telling you how good you were at doing certain things? For some people, they may have been told they were good with animals or good at making people laugh. A good sense of humor is a great way to communicate, and a talent that many people may not realize they have.