The Ex Talk

by Rachel Lynn Solomon

I am a cub trying to get the attention of a grizzly.

Dominic will win accolades and audiences, and I’ll stay right here behind the scenes. Ends: never.

Girly, as though being a girl is the worst kind of insult.

I am a solid second, but I’m no one’s first.

gotta love it

I’m on a dating app hiatus, something I implement every so often when swiping becomes especially frustrating.

But I won’t lie—I want to be that first person someone tells everything to.

My house is going to be so quiet when I get home. It always is.

All the important people in my life have their person.

Storytelling. Lying. There’s a blurry line between them.

People say they want something serious, but as soon as it starts heading that way, they bolt.

“It was a pleasure breaking up with you.”

“Six three.” “Jesus.”

“Maybe you were intimidated by my raw sexual energy.”

People go wild over a new Stranger Things season for a week before a new Marvel trailer drops, and then there’s a new Disney remake everyone’s talking about. Nothing lasts.

The kiss must have lasted less than three seconds. Three seconds that stole my bones and left me weightless.

“You don’t have to explain,” I say, though all I want is a detailed explanation with an accompanying PowerPoint presentation.

We shouldn’t be doing this. We have to keep doing this.

Jesus. I’ve never talked this much during sex. The occasional dirty talk, sure, but not the frankness we have with each other. The ability to laugh.

If this is the only way I can have him, then I have to be okay with it.

And of course he knows. TJ’s her number one. That’s what happens when you find that person.

“I told you how I tend to get too attached. And I’m older than you, and I didn’t know if you wanted something serious. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, I guess. I told myself that if we were just casual, then it wouldn’t hurt to hear that you didn’t want to be together for real.” “Shay. I showed you my fucking Beanie Babies.”

“We should,” I say wistfully. “Where would you want to go?” “Greece,” he says without hesitation.

we would be so good together

I love too much, too soon, and the other person can’t reciprocate.