Pieces of You (Missing Pieces, #1)

by N.R. Walker

It was supposed to be just another ordinary Tuesday in a very ordinary life. A day of work, some laughs with the boys at the shop in the afternoon, maybe a jog after work. Or if this rain hung around, maybe Dallas and I would curl up on the couch with Squish and watch some TV, then fall into bed and make real slow love till late.

I’m so anxious 😭😭😭😭

It was ridiculous how happy I was. Even when I woke up grumpy in the mornings, he still smiled at me and he still loved me, no matter what. Life was damn near perfect. Actually, there wasn’t one single thing I would change if I was given the chance. Not one thing.

🥺🥺

It’s funny how they say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Or that there is profound clarity the moment before your life ends. I had none of that.

Oh no 😭😭😭

I held his fingers, and it took me a second to realise why it felt so foreign. Because he never threaded our fingers like he always did. He never moved to touch me back like he always did. Even in his sleep, as soon as he felt me near, he would curl into me or squeeze me. But this time he never moved. Hot tears spilled and I sobbed back a breath. “Justin, baby. It’s me. You’re gonna be okay. I’m here.”

💔

I marvelled at how our hands matched: rough, calloused, our oil-and-grease-stained nails. We each had cuts and bumps on our fingers. These hands worked hard for our money, but they also loved and caressed and touched . . . I knew his hands, how they felt on my body, how he loved to hold hands . . . I brought his knuckles up to my lips, closed my eyes, and cried.

💔

I kissed Justin’s hand again and held his fingers to my cheek, closed my eyes, and sighed. Together forever, I repeated to myself. Together forever.

😭

Squish misses you too. Not as much as me, of course. I know I bitched a lot about you hogging the blankets, but Justin, I’d do anything to have you back in our bed. I miss you so much. So any time you want to open those pretty eyes, you just go right ahead.”

😭😭😭😭😭

The doctor nodded. “Justin remembers who he is. But he thinks he lives in Darwin. He believes he’s twenty-five.” He frowned. “Mr Muller, there’s no easy way to say this. He doesn’t know who you are.”

Oh my fucking god can you imagine 😭😭😭😭

“Dallas is your boyfriend, Justin. You’ve been together for four and a half years. You live together.” He shook his head. “No.”

💔

Now it was me who got teary. “I hope so. If not, he’ll just have to fall in love with me all over again.” I tried to smile, to laugh it off, but couldn’t manage it. Because what if he didn’t? “And if he doesn’t . . . Well, I’ll do whatever he needs to be happy. Because that’s what you do when you love someone, right? You’d do anything to make them happy. Even if that means letting them go.”

He looked up and gave me a small smile, but then he saw Bec behind me and he gave her a real smile. I pretended it didn’t burn all the way through and put the bag on his bed near his leg. “I brought you a juice and a water,” I said, putting them on the table. They were the pop-top kind so he didn’t have to worry about unscrewing lids, and I’d already removed the seals. “And one of these.”

MY GOD 😭😭😭😭😭

“Yes. That’s it,” Justin said excitedly, but I could see he was tired. “I wanted to say he wasn’t unattractive. That’s the word.” “What?” I asked, confused. “You,” he said, a lazy smile on his lips. “I said you weren’t exactly unattractive.” Oh. Oh. “Oh!” I barked out a laugh. “Right. Um, thanks?”

😭

“The photos were a good idea. He was looking at them when I arrived today.” “He was?” “Yep. He was looking at the photos of you both, but you in particular.” That made my heart do crazy things. “Oh.” She smiled at me. “He said you must be a kind person because you visit every day and you bring him iced coffee and food that he likes.”

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“He was okay, but a shower will help freshen him up. I’d imagine he’ll be happy to see you.” “Yeah,” I said, not feeling her confidence. She gave me a sly smile. “He watches the door for you, you know.” “He does?” Was I smiling? Or was my face as stunned as I was?

My goddamn heart

“Lots of rest today. I’d even go so far as to say maybe cut the visit short this morning and just come back this afternoon.” I opened my mouth to speak, but Justin spoke first. “He stay.” He closed his eyes. “He can stay. Please.” Oh my God.

“He stay” 🥺🥺🥺🥺

“Read more? Like your voice . . .” He liked my voice . . .

“Calm,” he said. “What? Calm, what?” “The word I couldn’t say,” he replied. “Before. I lost the word. Calm, that’s it.” “What’s calm?” I couldn’t remember . . . “You. Me. You make me feel calm. I trust you. I dunno why. But I’m calm when you’re here.” I had to swallow the lump in my throat. “Thank you.” “So when I go home,” he said, slow blinking, almost asleep. “I go with you.”

“It’s like I’m looking at a stranger. Like I’m looking at photos of people I’ve never met. Even me. I don’t recognise me in this . . .” He frowned again, his eyes teary. “I look so happy. And I don’t remember . . . I feel . . . cheated. Like this was taken away from me.” A tear escaped and he wiped it away with the back of his hand and stared at the photo. “All I ever wanted was . . . this.”

“You can’t be shaken, can you?” I almost laughed. Because, Jesus, this whole accident had shaken me to my core. “Quite the opposite actually. But what choice do I have? He might not remember me, but he needs me. And I love him.” She nodded, her eyes glassy. “I wish every one of my patients had a you.”

I stood in front of him and took his hand, pulling him slowly to his feet. I gave him a second to let his head catch up with the change, and when I went to pull away, he held onto my shirt. He put his forehead on my collarbone. “Stay,” he whispered.

I even tried not to breathe. But my arm moved without my permission, going around him, slow and measured, and as soon as my palm touched his back, he sighed into me. Then he leaned his face against my chest and settled against me. His body, his warmth. He was everything.

“And we agreed that one-night things weren’t our style so we agreed that some actual dates would be fun.” He smiled. “Then we almost broke my dining table making out on it.” His eyes went wide, his jaw slack. “No . . .” I laughed. “Yep. Your bodyweight it could hold. Mine on top of yours, not so much.” His grin matched mine. “We did that?” “Yep. It was old and needed replacing anyway. The legs went on it in the end.”

This is so sad how he can’t remember any of that 😭😭😭😭

Sparra just kept right on working, trying to get a spark plug out. “Dallas, he’s been over there with Davo for three minutes and he looked back over here for you about ten times already.” His gaze went from the spark plugs over to Justin and back again. “Make that eleven. He’s still yours. No memory loss gonna change that. I never did see what he gone fell in love with you once for, and now he’s about to do it twice.”

🥺🥺🥺🥺

Justin’s face crumpled. “It’s all I want. Just something. I don’t care about the goddamn fridge. I want memories of you,” he said, his expression so vulnerable.

💔

“We’ll get back to that. You fell in love with me once, what’s to say you can’t love me twice?”

I looked at the picture, then looked at Justin, and . . . holy shit. It felt as though the world had stopped turning. I laughed and then had to bury my face in my hands so he didn’t see me cry.

Omggg 😭😭😭

I simply didn’t care. I began unbuttoning my shirt to some very strange looks from both the nurse and Justin, but I pulled my shirt off, then pulled my T-shirt over my head so they could see my chest.

Omg it’s his fucking tattoo

“It’s you. Oh my God, it’s you.” He burst into tears and put his hand to his mouth. “I remember you. My heart, all this time, oh God . . .”

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I have a tear in my eye

“I remember,” he whispered. “Not you, exactly. But I remember something. I remember these tattoos. And I remember how you made me feel. And I don’t know you the same as you know me, but my heart does. This is the only memory I can feel.” He looked at me with tears in his eyes. “My heart remembers you.”

He closed his eyes and leaned into me, letting himself be held. And even though we’d kissed thousands of times, this was our first. Our very first kiss all over again.

I’m not crying

And he was my Harley Davidson poster. He was my wings dream, what my heart yearned for. What my heart was trying to show me.

“You’re a really good kisser,” I whispered. I was giddy and excited and so fucking relieved. It made him laugh.

That’s so fucking cute 🥰🥰🥰🥰

“I don’t mind one bit. You know what’s better than getting to do all that for the first time with you? It’s getting to do it all for the first time again.”