People didn’t fall in love with other people. They fell in love with how other people made them feel about themselves. And so, it was easy to get someone to love you—if you knew how they wanted to feel.
Like so many observations that this character makes, it’s true and not true. It is possible to authentically love someone for who they are, of course. But a big part of adult relationships has to do with how the other person makes us feel about ourselves. If you’re with someone who makes you feel badly about yourself, that’s not love. If you’re with someone who hurts and abuses you, it’s impossible to truly love that person. Of course, many people who emerge from trauma and abuse in childhood confuse pain with love. And one might choose someone who offers that to them. But healthy love is characterized, at its foundation, by self-love.
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