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“Sometimes,” he whispered against her mouth, “I jack myself off just thinking about you watching me with all that intensity, slouched shoulders and squinting eyes and biting your lip.” He accentuated that last part by biting her bottom lips gently.
“Yeah, whatever, no big deal. But if it gets you head, consider that when you get my Christmas present.”
I’m trying to get you to accept the many blessings this fine ass man is trying to bestow upon you. A home-cooked meal and dick? Girl! You a lucky bitch and you don’t even know it.”
“Even better! I’d fuck a man I didn’t like if he could cook. No lie. I’m not proud about it, but it’s been a couple years since I got some good dick, and my standards are dropping embarrassingly fast.
“Men always say stuff like that, as if women want to be dating useless men. As if so many men aren’t useless and great at hiding it. As if so many of us don’t either settle or stay single.”
Just the taste of her was too much. He couldn’t have known that or else maybe he wouldn’t have tasted her, but he did, and then he came in his pants.
So, when you go to her and probably do some real cute shit to help her get back on track, remember that not everyone has you in their corner, so look out for all of us, not just the men.”
Toni looked at him again. “I like you two together,” she said with a shrug. “It almost makes me believe in romance again. Almost. But then I remember the world is a hellscape and Tinder was a sign of the apocalypse. Now, go. Leave me alone. This essay won’t grade itself.”

