Axiom's End (Noumena, #1)

by Lindsay Ellis

The two family dogs, Thor and Monster Truck,

“Likewise, Special Agent Kaplan,” said Luciana. “Sol,” he said, “Special Agent Kaplan is my father.”

I shouldn't have laughed at that.

What does one do with a degree in linguistics these days?

How dare you attack me in my own house, sir.

That the U.S. Postal Service, a branch of the U.S. government, was going to ferry that letter, and that they might not deliver it to Germany, but to Sol Kaplan.

I'm impressed she had postage in her house to send an international letter

For the space of a heartbeat, she thought she saw a dark silhouette on the other side of the living room, distinctly inhuman, a massive reptoid thing in a crouch. She definitely saw eyes, black orbs imbued with the faintest of golden glows.

I would shit myself XD

She looked mournfully into the can of corn, bitter yellow pebbles lying in wait beneath an insidious, smoky fluid. She forced a weak smile and decided there was no way she was going to be able to get the contents of the can inside her body without getting most of it all over herself. She tilted the can awkwardly, braced herself, and downed what little of the hideous corn water she could get into her mouth. When she’d managed as much of that as she could, she started the process of shoveling corn out of the aluminum can and into her face.

Okay first of all, canned corn is DELICIOUS. Second of all, you probably need all the liquid you can get. Third of all, why is eating corn out of the can so daunting? It's basically a cup, what?

Black olives. The answer to the eternal quandary of what if one were to combine snails and old tires into a foodstuff. The only way the creature could have punished her more brutally was if it had forced celery on her.

This is a popular highlight. I'm highlighting it because first she disses canned corn and now she's talking shit about olives. I don't think we'd get along. Pretty soon she's going to say she doesn't eat fish.

Ampersand watched her as though he didn’t quite buy that she wasn’t ravenous for alien flesh. Is that why he fed me? she wondered.

XDD He doesn't want to be the emergency food supply ~

And so, Ampersand had her march ahead of him, his eyes fixed on her every move like he expected her to turn on him and attack like a wolf once The Hunger set in.

I will never not be amused by him being scared she'll eat him

“Better call Sol.”

I am so done with the references

the opportunity came for Cora to replace the tiered chiffon maxi dress with jeans and a My Chemical Romance T-shirt on clearance. Which, okay. Fine. At least it wasn’t Nickelback.

How much would a plain shirt cost not on clearance? $12? You wanted that shirt. Don't lie XD

It was on one of these silent, tense stretches of desert, the car walled on both sides by steep, red mountains, that Cora came to the realization that she was humanity’s foremost expert on extraterrestrial life.

She kind of is XD

Cora looked at the marine with the strawberry-blond hair and what looked to her like an AK-47.

I highly doubt it's an AK-47 because the US military doesn't use them. Is that just the only assault rifle you know the name of? It's Russian. How'd you pick the one rifle it absolutely wouldn't be? XD Now obviously this could be Cora not knowing wtf she's talking about, but I don't think it is.

The “militarists.” They were roughly the size of sedans.

Sedans feel a lot smaller than what you were building up to.

One of them introduced himself as Colonel Keith, an older gentleman who seemed to Cora what Keanu Reeves might look like if he had aged twenty years, gained fifty pounds, and lost all his charisma.

http://www.deceptination.com.

Still think it's a ballsy move to put websites in your book that you don't own.

Then the voice in her ear spoke: “Do not touch the Genome.”

Yeah no shit XD

Nils is already an international folk hero. Even the major networks are speculating that this could end Bush’s presidency.

IT'S OVER ANYWAY HE'S WALKING INTO HIS LAST YEAR! Nils wants to stick us with CHENEY!?

“Sec def is here.” Kaplan’s shoulders fell. “Christ. Why didn’t they at least warn me?” Cora’s eyes darted between the two of them. “Sec def?”

Going to take a wild guess and say Secretary of Defense.

And at the core of the group, right in the middle, was the secretary of defense.

I'd gloat but it was very obvious xD

“Greetings,” said the secretary, casually jogging toward them as if he were a few minutes late to a meeting. The secretary of defense had the kind of calm, confident poker face that took decades to hone. He wasn’t a big man, but he did have a commanding presence.

Okay so this is a real person she's writing into the book. Robert Gates to be exact. This has now become awkward.

“What?” she breathed, sniffing and trying to wipe away the effluvium flooding out of her face.

I resent the word choice XD

Vice President Dick Cheney will take the oath as the new president at noon to complete the remaining one year of Mr. Bush’s term.

Nightmare Dimension

Yahoo! Babel Fish.”

Listen, Lindsay. I try very hard to forget the early 2000's existed. Stop with the references XD

He leaned forward to offer her a tissue from the box at the front of the desk. Cora refused it, determined not to let him see her cry.

People usually offer you tissues because you're already crying.

“By knowing,” he said. “And sharing that intelligence. You do know where you are, right? This is the agency … for central intelligence. You might call it a … central intelligence agency.”

The voice in her ear spoke: “Nearby.” Hearing the voice made her stop. It was different now, clearer, less mechanical to the point where now it sounded almost human. It even had the touch of an accent to it, placeless yet somehow foreign.

Sus

“Obelus has a strategy relating directly to his hierarchy within the Superorganism. He believes recovering the Genome will aid in his ascent. Our species has dangerously low genetic diversity. Even a dangerously flawed Genome is invaluable.”

So... they are worried about their dangerously low genetic diversity... and yet expend a lot of energy doing genetic purges... Do we need to insert the bike meme here? XD