Network Effect (The Murderbot Diaries, #5)

by Martha Wells

(That’s mostly a metaphor. My uneaten client stat is high.)

Situation assessment: I have no idea.

(The company is paranoid and greedy and cheap but also ruthless, methodical, and intensely violent when it thinks it’s being threatened.)

Now we’re here, ready for the next major disaster. (Spoiler warning.)

which is not so much a plan as a statement of hopeful intent.

Then something drastic happened.

Yes, great, that’s really helpful right now.

Ugh, self-determination sucks sometimes.

(Impulse control; I should try to write a code patch for that.)

I hoped it was sentient enough to hurt when I killed it.

It sucked, basically. Even my risk assessment module thought so, and I knew what its opinion was worth.

In the medical suite, the conversation had moved back to me. (Oh goody.)

I thought I’d had control of the situation (sort of control, okay? don’t laugh) and then it had unraveled rapidly.

You know, it’s not like I’m half-assing this, I am actually trying my best despite the fuck-ups.

It could be one more weird anomaly in this unending cycle of what the fuck.

Yeah, this was happening.

Then Ratthi whispered, “Was that a subtle threat?” I said, “No. It wasn’t subtle.”

Oh, okay. I was either having a processing error, or something that the shows I watch call a “rage blackout,” or another emotional collapse.

Arada pressed both hands to her face. “Maybe you should go back in the bathroom and think about this a little more.” “I’m done thinking,” I said. ART said, That’s obvious.

I know, I walked into that one, which oddly enough, did not make me any less mad. I said, “You came here for a reason, and it wasn’t a distress call. What was it?”

Overconfident humans who don’t listen to anybody else scare the hell out of me.)

That was when I hit the first oh shit moment.

I was also upset, but somebody had to be the adult here.

I hate emotions.

I gave in to the inevitable. “Yes.”

She yawned. “Okay, third mom.”

My risk assessment module had given up generating reports three hours ago.)

Arada’s risk assessment module was as bad as mine.

And then it did one of my what-the-hell-have-the-humans-done-now sighs.

my risk assessment module thought everything was great. (I know, it worries me when I say that, too.)

The problem with gunships is they want to shoot at stuff. That’s why they’re so expensive to write bond contracts for.

(So technically, they had been plotting against me.)

I said, “Threat assessment is…” I checked it. “Never mind.”

You can either have an existential crisis or get your crew back, ART, pick one.

Well, now I feel like an asshole.

At least, that’s what I thought at the time.

(I could make a remark there about logic not working with humans, period, but I’m not going to do that.)

(In hindsight, this turned out to be another mistake.)

Iris: “Peri, you can’t bomb the colony.” Perihelion: “You are incorrect, Iris, I can bomb the colony.”

Murderbot 1.0 Status: Not so great

Ugh, this was going to be fun, in the not at all fun sense.

Ignoring stuff is always an option, up until it kills you.

(Yeah, it was really depressing around here right now.)

After it was over, ART said, That was satisfyingly unrealistic. Almost deliberately so. I said, I don’t know how they could have managed it accidentally.

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t even make a crack about ART’s idea of a discussion and forcing everybody else to do what it wanted.