The Art of Taking It Easy: How to Cope with Bears, Traffic, and the Rest of Life's Stressors

by Brian King

managing stress is key to happiness, and humor contributes to them both.

Healthy people fluctuate in their emotions. We have highs, we have lows, and overall, we have a general level of affect that would describe our usual emotional state.

Like any human trait, we would expect this to vary from person to person, and it does. Some of us are naturally quite happy, experiencing an overall high level of affect, some of us unfortunately experience much more down time, but most of us are somewhere in the middle: a level of happiness that my dad would describe as “Can’t complain.”

I live a pretty stress-free life, and as a result I experience more emotional highs than lows. This does not mean that I have not dealt with my share of adverse events; I absolutely have. Bad things happen all the time, but what ultimately makes the difference in our lives is how we deal with those situations.

My daughter hated me for the first six months of her life because as much as I tried, I simply could not lactate. Whenever I was home alone with her, I was a constant source of disappointment. But beyond being occasionally screamed at, on a daily basis I am concerned about her future, as I hope all parents are for their children.

Every time I look into my daughter’s eyes, my heart melts. Other than crying, everything she does fills me with joy.

I am now typing this around her. I love watching her learn, grow, and develop. Oh, and when she does cry, I want to do everything in my power to make things better.

“We don’t laugh because we’re happy, we’re happy because we laugh.” Happiness is a great emotion, and really preferable to the alternative, but for many people it is a difficult thing to experience because of stress. If we could just get a handle on stress, we would have greater potential to achieve happiness.

laughter and humor also help to reduce stress, which in turn helps makes us happy.

Stress is a factor in many mental illnesses and disorders,11 such as depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), substance use disorder, and of course post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and if you are struggling with these or other issues please seek out a therapist.

stress is our brain’s reaction to a perception of threat. That’s it, and that’s all.

All stress is a reaction to threat, regardless of whether you are trying to make a deadline, pay a bill, navigate traffic, or fight off an alien invasion.

So why did that traffic seem so stressful? Well, our brain creates these things called beliefs, values, and expectations, and they influence how we perceive the world.

Whatever the reason, I would like to point out that in all those scenarios the perceived threat was a product of your thoughts. The traffic was real, but it was your own beliefs, values, and expectations that made the situation into one that you found stressful.

Ultimately overcoming stress and managing its impact on our lives depends on this basic realization: most of our stress is from percieved threats, not clear and present threats.

Learn to assess your stress. Learn to tell the difference between bears and traffic. The first thing we should do when we start to feel agitated or stressed is stop and ask ourselves, “Is this situation actually threatening?” If it is, then Houston, we have a probl—uh I mean, bear!

If you answer yes than a follow-up question is in order: “Can I do anything about it?”

Oh man, this traffic is driving me crazy! I am getting so frustrated! But wait, is this traffic actually threatening? Well, I guess not. Everyone is moving well and nobody is being particularly aggressive, it is just slow. Maybe I should relax and keep my mind off things until it loosens up.

But if there is nothing you can do about it, what is the point of allowing yourself to get stressed?

If we are facing an actual threat and we can do something about it, our stress response is there to help us out. When we are stressed, our brain and body initiate a series of physiological changes to help us take action against the threat we are facing.

The problem is that more often than not, there is no bear. Remember, stress is not our reaction to threat, it is our reaction to the perception of threat.

When stressed we should ask ourselves, is this an actual threat? If it is an actual threat, then can I do anything about it?

the last bit. I started to notice her reaction to this. Her face became flushed red, she started to shake, and appeared to be visibly upset. Then, she said out loud in a soft voice, “This is not a threat to me,” and began to calm down.

our brain has to take every situation seriously because failure to identify threats could be disastrous. Therefore, whenever we encounter a stimulus, whether it is a bear, a highway full of slow-moving cars, or a traveler who for some reason chose to wear shoes, the first thing our brain has to do is determine if that stimulus is going to kill us.

the first thing the brain has to do when we encounter a stimulus is determine if it represents a danger. This processing is called threat appraisal, and is carried out by an area of the brain called the amygdala.

Our memories can include direct experiences with bears, but much more likely for most of us it is knowledge we have acquired through indirect means like studying or hearing stories about bear attacks.

Unlike our memories, instincts are not learned, they are inherited as part of our genetic makeup.

15 I suspect that in the absence of experience, the amygdala errs on the side of caution, as it damn well should. Her

In other words, we will encounter a stimulus, unconsciously decide that it is threatening, and start reacting to it before we are aware of what we’ve encountered.

We begin responding to stress before we have a chance to think about it. However, we have the ability to overcome our initial response.

Learning how to increase the right kind of prefrontal activity, or thoughts, and being able to consciously redirect choices made by other areas of the brain, is the key to living a less stressful existence.

You have generated stress unnecessarily thanks to your own thoughts.

And that’s the thing about worrying, it does nothing to prevent bad things from happening. Worrying does not affect the outcome of a situation, it doesn’t make adverse events less likely to occur, it just makes our life less great.

“If there is nothing I can do about it, then why am I worrying about it?” It is a rhetorical question really, but by thinking that to ourselves, we reduce the likelihood that we will continue thinking about whatever it is that is causing us stress.

he was telling the truth. Some of us enjoy worrying.

If we can’t do anything to change a situation, what is the point of worrying about it?

Like most people whom I ask, he was telling me what he worries about, not why he worries. If you are a worrier, why do you worry? Understanding why you repeatedly engage in this behavior could be a great help in overcoming it. In the interest of full disclosure

if worry isn’t providing the brain with some reward, then it must provide relief. But relief from what?

worry provides relief to the brain for a very uncomfortable condition it sometimes experiences called “inactivity.”

Networks of connected cells stimulating each other can, and do, represent everything in your head, from the definition of the word “twerk,” to a memory of when you first learned how to twerk, the instructions on how to make that booty twerk, and everything else related to twerking or otherwise that you store up there.

Without regular activity, parts of our brain are at risk.

The brain does not like to be inactive.

Usually, the outside world provides the brain with plenty of stimulation, but sometimes it does not and the brain has to stimulate itself. Worry is one way that the brain can generate its own activity. Yes, worry relieves boredom. And I believe this is why most worrying occurs.

You probably don’t worry when you are focused on an activity, deep in thought, or being thoroughly entertained. More than likely, you worry when you have time on your hands or when your brain is not otherwise occupied.

Some people pick fights, get angry, or just stir things up. And some people worry. In other words, you worry to give your brain something to do. It probably doesn’t matter if it’s the

if you are a worrier and your brain is in need of some activity, you will find something to worry about.

do, if you want to worry less you should find something else for your brain to do.

When you feel the onset of worrisome thoughts, understand that your brain needs some of that sweet, sweet activity and give it some. Read a book. Take a walk. Do the dishes. Clean the living room. Watch a good TV show. Start a conversation with someone (just don’t talk about the thing you are worried about).

To overcome worry you have to redirect your train of thoughts. Change the channel in your brain.

Distraction is even a common practice in therapy.