The Art of Taking It Easy: How to Cope with Bears, Traffic, and the Rest of Life's Stressors

by Brian King

When we feel rage over an incident, such as road rage, it is important to reframe our thoughts by examining the actual outcome. We need to learn to react to what actually happened, not what could have happened or what we thought was going to happen. When it comes to our own health and safety, there is no benefit to allowing ourselves to be affected by things that did not happen.

In many cases, we become enraged over incidents where nothing serious has actually happened to us (e.g., we may have been cut off in traffic, but there was no car crash). Learn to react to what has happened, not what almost happened or what could have happened.

the thing that struck me the most was when he said that from this point we were no longer consumers of knowledge, we were contributors to it. Understandably,

That was when I found a guy sleeping in my car. Just like any other morning, I came out to my car to drive to school. This time I found a dude sleeping in the back seat.

“How are you so calm?” another asked. “I would be so freaked out if it was me,” said another. To me, it was no big deal. There was no property damage, no window to replace, and nothing stolen. In fact, having a guy sleep in my car all night might have deterred other people from breaking in.

At some time during the night, the car next to me had been broken into and robbed, and I completely slept through the entire thing. That memory still makes me laugh.

I couldn’t just leave him on the sidewalk, so that was the morning that I drove to school with a passed-out stranger riding shotgun. He slept the entire drive. I arrived at campus, found a parking spot, and left him there while I went to class. I told my friends about it and they were stunned in disbelief. At the end of the day I returned to the parking lot and he was gone.

each time I had one of these encounters it didn’t seem to affect me as much as it did my friends, based on their reactions. They worried, expressed concern, and even commented that these events made them feel even more fearful than they did before. Other than the inconveniences and having to pay for window replacements, each time I laughed it off. In fact, I still laugh

Which do you think is more stressful, serving in the Army or raising a daughter? Cuban: Ha ha! I have to say the daughter! In

One little girl stopped my whole life! Now I have this fragile (but furious) little girl and all I ever think about is, is she safe, and am I doing everything I can and right by her?

I was going to be late, and I got seriously anxious. I felt my heart rate increase, I became agitated, and I started to perspire and worry.

when I realized I was beginning to succumb to my stress response I started to direct the activity of my prefrontal cortex into a more productive area, and to think about something else, as I have suggested we should do in these situations. I interrupted my flow of worry and reminded myself that the situation was out of my control. There is nothing I can do about this traffic. Sometimes people are late. Being late happens. It is not the end of the world. Suddenly I started to calm down.

the pain and suffering that stress wreaks on the body would not be worth it.

I have known what I want to write but I have been having a hard time getting it out.

change your thoughts. This is probably one of the best pieces of advice I can share, so it is worth returning to. I felt frustrated and maybe even a little stressed so I took steps to change my thoughts.

Sometimes a change in environment or activity is precisely what we need to kick-start different activity in our prefrontal cortex.

being resilient means having the right kind of activity in the prefrontal cortex so that your amygdala doesn’t react to everything in our world as a potential danger. In other words, being resilient means having the right kinds of thoughts in your head, and those thoughts relate to how well you feel you can handle whatever situation you are facing.

maybe you have a tendency to worry. Maybe you are quick to anger or maybe you tend to focus on negativity. I find that some people aren’t even aware of how negative they really are.

The good news is we have a lot of potential to change our thought patterns, our reactions, our impulsive behaviors, and even our worrying. As I mentioned previously, our brain has a characteristic called neuroplasticity which gives us the ability to learn new things. The bad news is that it ain’t easy. It takes effort, and in some cases, it takes a whole lot of effort.

Guess which option my brain chose most often? If you guessed hit the gym, I appreciate your optimism but I have to admit that the couch won that battle almost every time. It was a slaughter, really. The gym never had a chance. In my defense it was never a conscious choice made by my prefrontal cortex, but rather something my brain did automatically or out of habit. After the decision had been made by my brain, I could rationalize it, thinking to myself, I’ll just decompress for a bit before hitting the gym, but deep down I knew what was going to happen.

I will admit that every day was slightly easier than the day before it, but it still required a great deal of effort to resist the call of that sweet, sweet couch. And every time, after a brief period of regularly working out, I reverted back to my old habit. I think most people will be able to relate to this.

about twenty years ago Jon started exercising on a regular basis and has yet to stop. In fact, he has been active so long that I believe it has become his habit. He gets anxious when he doesn’t have an opportunity to exert energy. While he changes the activity—from volleyball to CrossFit, rock climbing to Krav Maga—he has remained consistently active the entire time. When he comes home from work, his brain is excited about hitting the gym or the volleyball court or whatever. He still has the potential to get lazy, but for all practical purposes he has successfully changed his behavior.

Imagine that you have spent your entire life practicing a particular set of behaviors. If you are quick to anger, sorrow, or worry, it means that for some reason your brain finds that behavior to be more gratifying, or rewarding, or easier to perform than remaining calm. Let’s say every time you felt threatened or out of control you exploded with an outburst of anger.

Should you decide to change that behavior, and you can, it is going to require effort. When you enter that triggering situation, you are going to have to consciously choose to engage alternative responses. Maybe you engage a calming exercise like breathing or counting, or maybe you just turn on the radio, anything to help redirect your thoughts. Who knows why you react this way—maybe you picked up the behavior after a lifetime of experiences or maybe it was triggered by a single event.

only that you start actively choosing another reaction.

It might sound simple, but it is tough, and it is tough to remember to redirect your thoughts day after day after day.

The thing about exercise is that it is work; exercise is strenuous physical activity and the longer we go without it, the harder it is for us to carry it out. Ironic, because we start our lives with quite a bit of exercise, only we call it “play” throughout childhood.

As we head further into adulthood, far too many of us enter into very sedentary lifestyles where we sit at work for about a third of our day, sit in traffic, and then sit on the couch to decompress after all that sitting. Our bodies adapt to this lack of activity and we become flabby and our muscles atrophy.

Becoming resilient requires the same kind of persistence. If we’ve somehow lived life without developing good stress-management skills, when we decide to do something about it, we are going to find it difficult and awkward. However, over time it will become more comfortable.

The brain does not get bigger, but as I mentioned previously, it can modify itself and rearrange things in response to usage. Some areas get more complex by adding new connections between cells, whereas areas that are used less often are reduced to compensate.

Everything in the brain works this way; through repeated practice of a behavior, we develop the area associated with that behavior. Similarly, the more we practice resilient thinking, the more we develop the left side of our prefrontal cortex.

In order to change our behavior, we need to: Learn to assess our stressful situations to determine if they are actually threatening and if there is something we can do about them. Learn to redirect our brain away from worrisome or negative thoughts. If simply changing our thoughts doesn’t work, then we can change our environment or activity. Repeatedly practice the behavior we want to exhibit.

I have mentioned that I think that all stressful events could be viewed as situations where the brain does not perceive that it has any control.

we can take the necessary steps to prepare for situations we may likely encounter.

Another way to think about stressful events from the perspective of your brain is that they represent problems that need to be solved.

if we have well-developed problem-solving skills, we are more likely to respond to a stressful event with the confidence that we can influence the outcome.

There I was, a college graduate, literally helpless in this situation. I felt unskilled since I had had to depend upon the mechanical expertise of these poor Mexican guys in this dusty town. I remembered some of the books that I had read and some of the discussions I had taken part in and some of the papers that I had written. I also thought about my skill base and my former jobs of cashiering and making pizzas. I looked at these two guys who had a mechanic shop constructed out of four concrete slabs and who lived in a town with dirt roads and no gas station and I became humbled.

It was at that point in my life when I became very appreciative and humble and realized that, although I had gone through a four-year college, I really didn’t know anything practical. It was then that I knew I had to acquire some skills. It was then that I decided to further my education.

When faced with an extremely difficult situation, he quickly came up with a plan and took action. He even came up with a backup plan and a backup to his backup, just in case things didn’t work out. He was patient, optimistic, and handled the situation to the best of his ability. There is no training or book that can prepare you for situations like that.

We have a natural period in our lives when our brain has an opportunity to practice and acquire an enormous amount of information and skills. We call that period “childhood.”

If we want problem-solving skills, we just have to start, you know . . . solving problems. There simply is no substitute. If you want big muscles, you have to exercise them, and if you want to be able to manage stress better, you have to learn to solve problems.

Stress management is all about reducing the problems in our life, so how can we practice problem-solving without adding to our stress? Easy, we need to find problems that are not life-threatening or do not have any negative repercussions should we fail.

These are pretty easy problems to solve too, and will likely end up in a victory, giving you a sense of accomplishment

These activities also reduce my stress by making my space seem more comfortable, and some people find that the act of cleaning or organizing helps them relieve stress

the reason your mother and I ask you to clean your room is for your brain development.

Puzzles are great mental exercise: mazes, crossword puzzles, Sudoku, brainteasers, trivia, whatever your preference. They provide simple, safe, repercussion-free ways to develop the part of your brain that figures stuff out.

Anyway, if you do have people in your life, strategy games like checkers, chess, cards, and Scrabble are also helpful.

The point is to challenge our brain, repeatedly, until we develop mastery over that level of challenge. Then to step it up a bit.

When I get to a point where I no longer find it challenging, I move on to another game. If you haven’t looked, you might be surprised at how many puzzle games are available for mobile use.

for people who are actively trying to develop their cognitive skills there are a ton of similar apps and gadgets available.