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The idea that we simply need to discover and accept who we actually are is contrary to almost everything we have been taught.
what usually enables us to change is neither haranguing nor punishing ourselves but cultivating a quiet, centered awareness so that we can see what is compelling us to harm ourselves.
Always remember that it is your birthright and natural state to be wise and noble, loving and generous, to esteem yourself and others, to be creative and constantly renewing yourself to be engaged in the world in awe and in depth, to have courage and to rely on yourself to be joyous and effortlessly accomplished, to be strong and effective, to enjoy peace of mind and to be present to the unfolding mystery of your life.
bring your awareness, as fully as possible, to the following patterns: Value-judging, condemning yourself and others (One) Giving your value away to others (Two) Trying to be other than you authentically are (Three) Making negative comparisons (Four) Over-interpreting your experience (Five) Becoming dependent on something outside yourself for support (Six) Anticipating what you are going to do next (Seven) Trying to force or control your life (Eight) Resisting being affected by your experiences (Nine)
The inner observer allows us to observe what is going on in and around us simultaneously, without commentary or judgment.
Awareness expands and contracts like a balloon, but identification always causes it to become smaller.
The more we identify with our sense of self, the more we become locked into it, and the more we forget that other choices and other modes of being are available to us. We start to believe that we are this pattern. We focus on only certain qualities from the total range of our human potentials as if saying, “These qualities are me, but those are not.
INVITATION TO ABUNDANCE
The Instinctive Triad Types Eight, Nine, and One are concerned with maintaining resistance to reality (creating boundaries for the self that are based on physical tensions). These types tend to have problems with aggression and repression. Underneath their ego defenses they carry a great deal of rage.
The Feeling Triad Types Two, Three, and Four are concerned with self-image (attachment to the false or assumed self of personality). They believe that the stories about themselves and their assumed qualities are their actual identity. Underneath their ego defenses these types carry a great deal of shame.
The Thinking Triad Types Five, Six, and Seven are concerned with anxiety (they experience a lack of support and guidance). They engage in behaviors that they believe will enhance their safety and security. Underneath their ego defenses these types carry a great deal of fear.
When your heart opens, you know who you are, and that “who you are” has nothing to do with what people think of you and nothing to do with your past history.
When we are in contact with the heart, we feel loved and valued.
When our hearts are closed off and blocked, however, not only do we lose contact with our true identity, but we do not feel valued or loved.
There is always the fear that, when all is said and done, we are really empty and worthless. The tragic result is that we almost never actually see each other or allow ourselves to be seen, no matter what type we are.
We substitute an image instead, as if we were saying to the world, “This is who I am—isn’t it? You like it—don’t you?” People may affirm us (that is, our image), but as long as we identify with our personality, something deeper always goes unaffirmed.
inner knowing and guidance arise in the quiet mind and give us confidence to act in the world. When these qualities are blocked, we feel fear.
PERSONALITY AND ESSENCE: CONTRASTING QUALITIES
Hornevian Groups indicate the “social style” of each type: there is an assertive style, a withdrawn style, and a compliant (to the superego, that is, “dutiful”) style. All nine types fall into these three major styles.
assertives (Horney’s “moving against people”) include the Threes, Sevens, and Eights. The assertive types are ego-oriented and ego-expansive.
compliants (Horney’s “moving toward people”) include types One, Two, and Six. These three types share a need to be of service to other people.
withdrawns (Horney’s “moving away from people”) include types Four, Five, and Nine. These types do not have much differentiation between their conscious self and their unconscious, unprocessed feelings, thoughts, and impulses. Their unconscious is always welling up into consciousness through daydreams and fantasies.
The Hornevian Groups tell us the strategy each type employs to get its needs met. The assertive types (Three, Seven, and Eight) insist or demand that they get what they want. Their approach is active and direct as they go after what they believe they need. The compliant types (One, Two, and Six) all attempt to earn something by placating their superego to get what they want. They do their best to be “good boys and girls” to get their needs met. The withdrawn types (Four, Five, and Nine) all withdraw to get what they want. They disengage from others to deal with their needs.
Harmonic Groups are useful for transformational work because they indicate how each person copes when they do not get what they want (as indicated by the Triad they are in).
Thus they reveal the fundamental way that our personality defends against loss and disappointment.
The Harmonic Groups tell us what attitude the type adopts if it fails to meet its dominant need. In other words, the Harmonic Groups tell us how we cope with conflict and difficulty: how we respond when we do not get what we want.
The Positive Outlook Group is composed of types Nine, Two, and Seven. All three respond to conflict and difficulty by adopting, as much as possible, a “positive attitude,”
The Competency Group is composed of types Three, One, and Five. These people have learned to deal with difficulty by putting aside their personal feelings and striving to be objective, effective, and competent.
three types also have issues related to working within the confines of a structure or a system. (“How do I function within a system? Can I use it to my advantage?
The Reactive Group is composed of types Six, Four, and Eight. These types react emotionally to conflicts and problems and have difficulties knowing how much to trust other people:
The Instinctual Variants are based on three primary instincts that motivate human behavior: the Self-Preservation Instinct, the Social Instinct, and the Sexual Instinct.
Self-Preservation types are preoccupied with getting and maintaining physical safety and comfort,
The Social instinct, however, is actually something much more fundamental. It is a powerful desire, found in all human beings, to be liked, approved of, and to feel safe with others.
people of the Sexual Variant tend to have recurrent problems in the areas of intimate relationships.
each Level represents an increasing layer of fear and defense. It is important to remember, however, that all of these fears and defenses arose in childhood and are carried into our adult life by automatic habits and unexamined belief systems.
the degree of dysfunction that we had to cope with in our early life determined how many layers of these defenses we had to adopt. The more toxic our childhood environment, the greater the fear that has been instilled in us, and the more limited and rigid are the ways we employ to deal with our situation.
As we spiral down the Levels, however, our freedom is increasingly constricted. We become so identified with our personality mechanisms that we are entirely driven by them, resulting in more suffering for ourselves and others.
While our basic type does not change, the Level at which we are operating changes all the time.
perhaps the first real step we can take on our inner journey is to accurately identify not only our type, but the range of Levels we normally traverse and, importantly, where our center of gravity currently is.
a shift up the Levels is not the same as a shift in our mood. Being in a better mood is not necessarily a marker of being at a higher Level of Development. Our Level is really a function of freedom and awareness, not of mood.
The Wake-up Call serves as an indicator that we are moving from the healthy range of our type to the more fixated average range. This is a clue that we are becoming more identified with our ego and that conflicts and other problems are sure to arise.
“He who cannot change the very fabric of his thought will never be able to change reality.” ANWAR SADAT
Leaden Rule states, “Do unto others what you most fear having done unto you.” The Leaden Rule points out that each type has its own special way of aggressively undermining others to bolster its own ego. The false belief is that “If I put someone else down a notch, it will lift me up one.” Thus, each type begins to inflict its own Basic Fear on others.
the Red Flag is a far more serious alarm that signals an imminent crisis.
demarcation or zone between the average and unhealthy ranges seems to act as a brake in the personality’s deterioration. Thus, many people can function within the average range for years without becoming unhealthy. We call this demarcation in the Levels a shock point.
“We have to become somebody before we can become nobody.” JACK ENGLER
To stay healthy, however, requires the intention to be healthy—and this requires the intention to be present and awake.
As our awareness strengthens, we can become conscious of another “shock point” between the healthy and average ranges (between Levels 3 and 4) that can be activated by the Wake-up Call that we have already seen.
liberation happens to the degree that we no longer identify with our ego.
When we arrive at the Level of Liberation, it usually comes as a big surprise to find that we already have the very qualities that we have been looking for.
