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life is our greatest teacher.
No single psychological tool or spiritual practice is right for everyone at all times. Our different states and conditions often require different choices.
withdrawn types (Fours, Fives, and Nines), which are out of touch with their bodies, can benefit greatly from walking meditation, yoga, stretching, or even jogging.
For Threes, Sevens, and Eights—the assertive types—getting in touch with their hearts through loving-kindness meditation and acts of charity may not match their idea of spiritual practice but can be invaluable.
Ones, Twos, and Sixes—the compliant types—might not consider going to a silent retreat or getting a massage to be spiritual.
If we are interested in transformation, no element is more important than developing a love of truth.
As we learn to accept what is real in the present moment, we are more able to accept whatever arises in us, because we know that it is not the whole of us.
When we are willing to be with the whole truth—whatever it is—we have more inner resources available to deal with whatever we are facing.
The perfect you isn’t something you need to create, because God already created it . . . Your job is to allow the Holy Spirit to remove the fearful thinking that surrounds your perfect self.” MARIANNE WILLIAMSON
Once we understand “not doing,” we see that the real struggle is to relax into greater awareness so that we can see the manifestations of our personality.
Not acting on our impulses creates openings through which we can catch glimpses of what we are really up to.
One of the primary functions of the personality is to separate us from various aspects of our own true nature.
As we learn to trust in the moment and to value awareness, we learn how to turn off the internal movie projector and start living a much more interesting life—the one we are actually starring in.
The more support we have for our Inner Work, the easier our process will be.
Once we have involved ourselves in the process of transformation, we understand that whatever is occurring in the present moment is what we need to deal with right now.
one central aspect of a mature love of ourselves is caring about our growth sufficiently that we do not flee from the discomfort or pain of our actual condition.
True love of self also entails a profound acceptance of ourselves—returning to Presence and settling into ourselves as we actually are without attempting to change our experience.
The important thing is to set aside some time each day to reestablish a deeper connection with our true nature.
breakthroughs occur only when we are completely open to the present moment,
anticipating a certain payoff distracts us from such experiences.
A common excuse for people embarking on this journey is that they do not have sufficient energy to run their lives and engage in transformational work at the same time.
we are given more than enough energy to transform ourselves every day, but we waste 98 percent of it on tensions, on emotional reactions unrelated to what is actually occurring, and on daydreaming and mental chatter.
energy can go to one of two places: it may be poured into maintaining the structures of our personality, or if we disidentify with those structures, it may b...
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our personality presents us with all sorts of “conditions” and “requirements” that interfere with our regular practice.
1. “I have attained complete balance and integrity, make no mistakes, and have everything in my world sensibly organized. When I have achieved perfection, then I’ll show up.”
2. “I am loved unconditionally by others and feel their love. When others totally appreciate my affection and sacrifices and meet all of my emotional needs, then I’ll show up.”
3. “I have accomplished enough to feel successful and worthwhile. When I have all the admiration and attention I want and feel completely outstanding, then I’ll show up.”
4. “I have completely resolved all of my emotional issues and have found my true significance. When I am completely free to express all of my feelings with everyone whenever I want, then I’ll show up.”
5. “I feel completely confident and capable of dealing with the world. When I have completely understood and mastered everything I might need to know in life, then I’ll show up.”
6. “I have enough support to feel completely secure and stable. When I have every area of my life handled and nothing can take me by surprise, then I’ll show up.”
7. “I am totally happy and fulfilled and certain that I’ve found what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. When I feel completely satisfied, then I’ll show up.”
8. “I am totally independent and do not have to rely on anyone for anything. When I feel completely in control of everything and my will is never challenged, then I’ll show up.”
9. “I am completely at peace and without conflicts or problems. When nothing in the world bothers or upsets me, and everyone in my world is happy and at peace, then I’ll show up.”
If we rephrase these inner criticisms, replacing “I” with “you,” we may recognize them as the harsh words that were first directed at us in our childhood. In fact, the superego is the “internalized voice” of our parents and other authority figures, both old and new.
Its original function was to make us behave in ways that we believed would keep our parents loving and protecting us.
We unconsciously identified with these voices and incorporated them into ourselves so that we would not run the risk of lo...
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Rather than have our parents punish us (and therefore have to deal with the suffering that would cause), we lear...
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the parts of the superego that may have been useful when we were two years old are probably n...
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our superego is one of the most powerful agents of the personality: it is the “inner critic” that keeps us restricted to certain limited possibilities for ourselves.
Type 1 Marching Order: “You are good or okay if you do what is right.” Contradiction: Sounds reasonable, but how do you know what is “right”?
Type 2 Marching Order: “You are good or okay if you are loved by others and close to them.” Contradiction: Why does your value depend on someone loving you, and how do you know if they do?
Type 3 Marching Order: “You are good or okay if you do something valuable.” Contradiction: What makes you think that a particular activity makes you valuable?
Type 4 Marching Order: “You are good or okay if you are true to yourself.” Contradiction: What does it mean to be “true to yourself”?
Type 5 Marching Order: “You are good or okay if you have thoroughly mastered something.” Contradiction: How do you know when you have fully mastered something?
Type 6 Marching Order: “You are good or okay if you cover all the bases and do what is expected of you.” Contradiction: How can you cover all the bases?
Type 7 Marching Order: “You are good or okay if you feel good and are getting what you want.” Contradiction: Can you distinguish a need from a want?
Type 8 Marching Order: “You are good or okay as long as you are strong and in control of your situation.” Contradiction: When do you know that you are strong and protected?
Type 9 Marching Order: “You are good or okay as long as everyone around you is good or okay.” Contradiction: How can you ensure that everyone is really okay?
(One of the hallmarks of superego messages is that they will make you feel “normal” but constricted.)
If we feel anxious, depressed, lost, hopeless, fearful, wretched, or weak, we can be sure that our superego is on duty.
