Bound by Vengeance (Born in Blood Mafia Chronicles, #5)

by Cora Reilly

“There’s no reason for you to stay with me. You are free now. Even if I could force you to stay with me, I won’t. You are free to choose your own life.” The words I’d been longing to hear from the moment Falcone had given me to Growl suddenly stung. “So what is it you’re saying? Would you prefer if I left you?” How could I leave him when we hadn’t been a couple in the first place? “That’s the last thing I want,” he said fiercely. He pulled his hands out, restless, almost as if he wanted to grab me and shake some sense into me but he didn’t touch me. “Then what do you want?”

Growl’s eyes flickered with emotions, too many, and more than I’d ever seen in them. “I want,” he began, then stopped and growled. He shook his head and turned his face away so I was left to stare at his profile.

“You once told me I needed to be brave. Who’s a coward now?” I challenged. Growl whirled on me, grabbed me by the shoulders and pressed me against the wall. “I want you. I want you to stay with me because you want to stay. I want you to want me,” he rasped. I exhaled. “I do.” Growl released me. “Do what?” “Want you. Want to stay with you.” Growl stared. “I…I think.” He ran a hand down his face. “I’m no good with words. With emotions. You know that.” “But you could be. Perhaps you just need to try,” I said softly. His eyes filled with resolve. “Not much scares me anymore,” he rumbled. “But this, between us, it does. My emotions, they scare me.” “But why?”

“I gave up hoping for something good a long time ago. It made things easier. Nothing could hurt me. Pain is nothing. People’s insults mean nothing. I cared about nothing. There was nothing I had to fear. But when I got you, I suddenly realized what kind of life I’d led. How little everything had meant. I like being with you, talking to you, sharing meals with you, walking Coco and Bandit with you, and even sharing a bed with you....

“Now I’m fucking scared to lose all that, to lose you. I never knew I needed you but now I can’t imagine being w...

“And I love you, Growl.”

“Ryan,” he growled. The name sounded wrong coming from his lips, like they weren’t used to forming those letters anymore. “Ryan?” “That’s my real name.” “Oh,” I whispered, overwhelmed by the situation. “That’s a beautiful name.”

“I want New York to be a new beginning for me and you, if you want that too. And I want to be known as Ryan in this new life.” “And I want a new beginning with you, Ryan,” I said. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly. “I don’t deserve you,” he murmured against my hair. “But I will.”

“I know the rules of our world. I know an honorable woman like you shouldn’t live with a man before she’s married, and I want to marry you, but I thought…” “You want us to marry?” I exclaimed. My heart was beating furiously in my chest. He rubbed his neck then met my gaze. “Yes. I…You weren’t supposed to lose your innocence before marriage and people in the Famiglia might judge you for it. But it was my fault. You had no choice and I want to make things right.” I touched his chest, feeling it heave under my palms. “I don’t want us to marry because you feel guilty. If we marry it has to be because we want it.” “I want to marry you,” he rasped. “And I want to marry you,”

“But you will move in with me?” I looked around. “If you give me free rein over the decorations.” Ryan smiled. It still looked unpracticed on his face but I loved seeing it. “I’ll work hard so we can get something bigger soon.” “I don’t care about that. I just want us to be happy and we don’t need luxury for that.” “I want to make you happy.” I touched his cheek and stood on my tiptoes, pressing my lips against his. “And I want to make you happy. You deserve happiness as much as I do.”

“No one’s ever looked at me like you do,” he growled as he lowered himself on top of me. “Because they never really saw you,”

For some reason this felt like our first time because we both had come together freely, happily without reservations and that’s how it was meant to be.