You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters

by Kate Murphy

But what does it mean to really listen to someone? Interestingly, people can more readily describe what makes someone a bad listener than what makes someone a good listener. The sad truth is people have more experience with what makes them feel ignored or misunderstood than what makes them feel gratifyingly heard. Among the most frequently cited bad listening behaviors are: Interrupting Responding vaguely or illogically to what was just said Looking at a phone, watch, around the room, or otherwise away from the speaker Fidgeting (tapping on the table, frequently shifting position, clicking a pen, etc.) If you do these things, stop. But that alone is not going to make you a good listener. It will just make it less obvious that you’re a bad listener.

Bad listener