You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters

by Kate Murphy

To listen well is to figure out what’s on someone’s mind and demonstrate that you care enough to want to know.

“The understanding, ‘What I know is different from what you know,’ is essential for effective communication to occur,

What did I just learn about that person? What was most concerning to that person today? How did that person feel about what we were talking about?

To listen does not mean, or even imply, that you agree with someone. It simply means you accept the legitimacy of the other person’s point of view and that you might have something to learn from it.

We incorrectly assume other people’s logic and motivations resemble our own. But, of course, they have different backstories and baggage.

Ray Bradbury responded that his morning ritual was to lie in bed and listen to the voices in his head. “I call it my morning theater,”

Moreover, it’s widely thought that at least 55 percent of the emotional content of a spoken message is, in fact, transmitted nonverbally. So, even if you’ve had your ears checked and your hearing is perfect, if you are looking at your phone or out the window while someone is talking to you, you’re not getting the whole story.

as much as 38 percent of someone’s feelings and attitudes are conveyed by tone of voice.