You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters

by Kate Murphy

“No man ever listened himself out of a job.”

“Nature hath given men one tongue but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak.”

To really listen is to be moved physically, chemically, emotionally, and intellectually by another person’s narrative.

The ability to listen to anyone has been replaced by the capacity to shut out everyone, particularly those who disagree with us or don’t get to the point fast enough.

Hearing is passive. Listening is active. The best listeners focus their attention and recruit other senses to the effort. Their brains work hard to process all that incoming information and find meaning, which opens the door to creativity, empathy, insight, and knowledge. Understanding is the goal of listening, and it takes effort.

To listen well is to figure out what’s on someone’s mind and demonstrate that you care enough to want to know.

Listening is about the experience of being experienced. It’s when someone takes an interest in who you are and what you are doing.

The most valuable lesson I’ve learned as a journalist is that everybody is interesting if you ask the right questions. If someone is dull or uninteresting, it’s on you.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”