You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters

by Kate Murphy

Strange as it may sound, most people who violate Grice’s maxims are not so much bad speakers as bad listeners. The best communicators, whether addressing a crowd or a single individual, are people who have listened, and listened well, in the past and continue to listen in the moment. They are able to engage, entertain, and inspire because they first try to get a sense of their audience and then choose their material and style of delivery accordingly. And they also remain attuned to their audience while they are speaking, paying attention to verbal and nonverbal cues as well as the energy in the room to assess whether people are following them and care about the subject. It’s sort of like when you adopt a different narrative approach when talking to, say, your grandmother versus your girlfriend, a coworker versus a customer, or your liberal friend versus your conservative friend.