Put that on my dating profile. Ladies will be swiping right in the blink of an eye. Lives on a houseboat, smells like crabs—but doesn’t have crabs, win—interfering brothers, and exceptionally nosy older sister. Used to cook but now eats soup from a can, willing to split the check with you but not willing to pay in full—sorry, but there’s only dust in these pockets—rocket of a cock, great fingers, and will eat you for nourishment. I’m a real fucking catch.
