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When my best friend, Eric, and I were getting through culinary school, pretty much every instructor told us that we weren’t going to have any time for relationships. The only love of our lives would be our knives. That’s turned out to be true. Betty, Beverly, and Barbie are my girls. Every night we have a foursome, and weirdly, they’re the best I’ve ever had. They enjoy my hands, and I enjoy their cutting edge—fuck, I’m hilarious.
“I have snow in my crack thanks to you.”
Jen: If you’re going to include me in these texts, can you please refrain from talking about your penises? Unless you want me talking about my vagina after giving birth to children. **Rubs hands** Then game on, boys.