Fatigue, I learned, is not the absence of energy, just as sadness is not the absence of happiness. Fatigue is a force unto itself; it sucks you dry like a dentist’s tool and punches you in the solar plexus. You lack reserves. You feel raw, unpeeled. Small barbs wound deeply; the self-pity adds up. The suffering of both loved ones and complete strangers strikes so much more deeply than before. But crying gives you a headache, so you try to avoid it. Sometimes you can’t try hard enough and your voice cracks and you go to a dark, speechless place.
