Broken Knight (All Saints High, #2)

by L.J. Shen

“I’m leaving you.”

“What are you doing?” I whispered. “Chasing you,”

“That’s what you want, isn’t it, Luna? I always have to fight for you.” “No.” I shook my head. “I don’t want that now. You don’t understand, Knight. It’s over.”

“You can’t do this to me,” he said emotionlessly, stating a fact. “My mother is dying.”

Boon had changed me, and I was walking away from my growth, from my own accomplishments. But wasn’t that exactly what he’d done for me all these years? Missing football practices when I needed someone to hold my hand. Sitting with me in the cafeteria, snubbing the rest of his friends, even though he knew he’d get shit for it.

“I told you I will not tolerate this behavior, Knight, and I won’t. I made a promise to your mother to take care of you. This is my way of taking care of you. This is your wake-up call.”

“You’re the only thing I have left.”

If someone had told me last year that I’d be the one to save Knight Cole and not the other way around, I’d have laughed in their face. He was so formidable. Untouchable. Powerful. Yet, here he was, small and lost and in real danger.

I took a step forward and scooped his hand in mine. It was heavy and big. I couldn’t believe these hands weren’t going to touch and caress and pleasure me any time soon. Maybe not ever. I hoped to hell the plan was going to work, because there was a lot at stake. Two hearts, two lives, and too many missed opportunities.

“I can’t live without you,” he croaked,

“So don’t.” “But I also can’t contain all this pain, Moonshine.”

“Then let me carry some of it, too.”

“Days tick by, as you expect them to. Like fanning pages in a calendar. You make plans. Sometimes you forget them. Sometimes you keep them. Sometimes cancel them. But you never doubt you can make them. You let things—mundane things, like bad traffic or getting caught in the pouring rain or rude, inconsiderate people—ruin your day, not realizing how precious said day is. How unique. How this day will never come again. No day will look quite like it. And that’s how you look back, years after, wondering where all the time went.”

“But I learned a long time ago that maybe a reminder of the fact that we aren’t here forever is exactly what we need to make the most out of life. And I learned that because of you.”

“Break for me, Levy. I want to hug away your pain.”

That’s what we did for the next half hour. I just held him while he sobbed. I asked him to understand that even after I was gone, I still loved him, fiercely. Begged him not to feel the betrayal that can accompany the loss of a parent, to know that no part of me wanted to leave him and his brother and father behind. That I’d lived, breathed, and thrived because they were with me. That I’d fought for every day, until I couldn’t anymore, because they were worth the struggle.

“Being nice is not even in my dictionary.” “Probably because you used the page to roll yourself a joint.

“She will never be yours if you go back to the way it was.” “I know.” His voice broke. “I know that, Mom. I know.” “Promise me, then.” “I promise. No more binging. No more benders. No more alcohol and pills. I won’t even take a Tylenol next time I’m sick.”

“But I do, Knight. I have a favorite. I love you so brutally, sometimes I’d lay awake at night wondering if you were the thing that kept me going when I couldn’t do it anymore. When the pain was too much. I don’t want you to ever feel you were less.”

“I never felt like I didn’t belong. Not even for a hot second. I always knew you were my home. I’m just worried about what being homeless will do to me.”

“You will never be homeless, my darling boy. You will always have a home. I will be with you, even after I draw my last breath. Remember, my love. The sun will rise tomorrow. It always does. And don’t you dare live one day of your life without basking in its glory. If you truly love me, you will respect my legacy. You will wake up tomorrow morning. You will grieve the loss of me. But, with time, you will smile. You will laugh. You will live. You will push through and conquer your desires. You’ll get your girl back, because she loves you, and you love her, and I’ve seen you from childhood—you were born for each other. You will give me beautiful grandchildren, whom I will watch over from heaven. And every summer rain, you will know it’s me, saying I love you.”

“Go and save your princess, my love.” I kissed his forehead. “She is waiting. Besides, that’s what knights do.”

“I’m scared,” I cried into Dean’s chest. Because I was. God, I was frightened.

He stroked my hair and kissed the crown of my head. “Don’t be scared, my love. I promise I will watch over you, even when you’re there and I’m here. I promise this is not the end. I promise to come look for you in heaven. And if I’m destined to go the other way, I assure you, I’ll find someone to bribe so we can be roommates in hell.”

“Not only will you not get rid of me, Mrs. Leblanc-Cole, but I also promise I will make sure our sons grow up to be decent men, with big families. They will be happy and healthy. Even if it’s the last thing I ever do, I’ll make sure of it. I also promise to come to you every single month, twelve months a year, and show you pictures, give you letters, and keep you updated.”

“I know I’m the love of your life. I feel very secure in this position. No one will ever take it away from me. I gave you two beautiful sons. I gave you a life worth living. I helped you overcome your addiction. No one will ever be able to replace me—” “So don’t ask to be replaced,” my husband cut me off, a jolt of chill twinging his otherwise soft voice.

“And yet…” I raised my voice an octave. “I forbid you to spend the rest of your life miserable and alone. I refuse to shoulder this responsibility. You’re young, gorgeous, and amazing. You will need some help with the boys. You will find someone else. Promise me that.” “No.” “Dean.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t promise you I’ll let anyone else in. I’m all out of heart space. It’s you and the kids. Just because you’re about to leave doesn’t mean you’ll leave here.” He pounded his fist to his chest. “You think I didn’t know this was a possibility?” He motioned between us, his voice steady. “I knew. I knew this could happen. And I still fought to be with you. I’m at peace with that, Baby Leblanc.”

“Will you do me one honor?” I asked. “Anything,” he said again, which I now knew wasn’t necessarily true. “Would you please let me die in your arms, alone, just the two of us?”

He kissed my ear, trailing the kisses down my neck. “Ride or die,” he whispered. “Ride.” I closed my eyes, smiling. “Always ride.”

“The sun will shine tomorrow, my love. I know.” “Because it must?” I’d asked her. “Because it was the first thing Luna ever signed to me. When I did her braids sixteen years ago, I asked her if she was sad about her mother. She signed that it didn’t matter. That the sun would always see her to another day. And you know what? It did. Smart girl.” “She is,” I’d said. “Thank you.” My wife had smiled up at me. “For this life.” “Thank you,” I’d answered. “For making me worthy of giving it to you.”

“Here’s the thing about love—it’s an uncomfortable feeling. It pushes your boundaries. If any of you would have told me I’d be standing here talking to you a year ago, I’d have laughed in your faces. Silently, of course.”

“The truth is…” She sighed. “I didn’t want to talk here. It was part of my promise to Rosie. She asked me to make this for Knight, Lev, and Dean so they’d remember her the way she wanted them to. Not in her last month, struggling, unhealthy, and fighting for each minute that passed. She wanted you to remember she’d had a good life, and that she expects nothing less from you.

This picture was taken over forty years ago, in Rosie’s backyard in Virginia. Her first-ever memory. She told me it meant the world to her, because she’d thought a bucket full of water was the most joyous thing someone could have before she moved to glitzy Todos Santos, with all the Olympic-sized and kidney-shaped pools and the glorious ocean. She said Lev and Knight always asked her why she put them in buckets of water every summer when they were little. It was so they could remember that the small things in life count the most.”

“Knight, Lev, Rosie asked me to tell you about this moment. Said it was the moment she realized she was in love with your father. But she chose not to do anything about it, because she loved her sister just as much. This is a message from post-life Rosie to you, in her own words: ‘Don’t be a Rosie. Be a Dean. If you want something, no matter what it is, go for it. Falling in love is rare.’”

“Don’t give up this precious gift. Chase it. Catch it. Hold it close. Don’t let it go. And if it leaves anyway…” Her eyes clung to Knight, and for the first time—for the very first time since I’d known my own son—there were tears in his eyes. It gut-punched me to the other side of the room. “Fight for it,” Luna finished.

“And you are?” “Dixie Jones.” “Dixie Jones,” I repeated the name, tasting it in my mouth before the penny dropped. Motherfucker.

As I peeked into her casket, at her tranquil smile, her gorgeous, porcelain face, that white chiffon gown she loved so much, I knew forever wasn’t long enough. Not for a love like ours.

“You told Dixie to fuck off?” he rasped.

“Knight,” I said. “Thank you.” He drew me into a hug.

“I love you, Dad.” “I love you,” I choked back. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

In love with another? Who the fuck was she, Billy Shakespeare? Who talked like that? Oh, that’s right. Poppy. Poppy talked like that.

Shan’t? Shan’t?

I just hoped to shit I could explain it to Luna if it ever leaked. But deep down, I knew I wouldn’t need to do any explaining. It was obvious she had whatever was left of my heart. I could never be anyone else’s.

Whoever this woman who gave birth to me was, she wasn’t the selfish witch I’d believed her to be.

“I did not break up with Knight. We took a break while he attended to something much bigger and more serious than our relationship. He is mine. He was always mine. Not Poppy’s. Not yours, Arabella. Not anyone’s. And, if I didn’t make it clear before, I think I should now: I will destroy everything in my way, including your catty ass, if you ever say a negative word about him or me. Don’t mistake my politeness for weakness. I merely let you keep him occupied while I sorted out my own issues. But now I’m here. I will stay here. I will always be here for him.”

“I love him. So very much. And anything you say about our relationship is not going to change that. So I strongly suggest you move on to your next gossip victim, or better, stick your noses where they belong. In your own business. And by the way, this…” I plucked the dress from Arabella’s round-tipped, nude-colored fingernails, throwing the gown over my shoulder. “…will look gorgeous on Daria at her engagement party. From one bitch to another, thanks.”

Vaughn’s read: Luna Dad’s: Would Dean’s: You Jaime’s: Do Lev’s: Me Racer’s: The Penn’s: Honor Hunter’s: And Footballer: Be Another baller’s: My Another baller’s: Wife Another baller’s: ??? Another baller’s: Chill. Another baller’s: Just Another baller’s: Kidding Another baller’s: … Another baller’s: (Mostly) Another baller’s: Actually Another baller’s: I’m Another baller’s: Fucking Another baller’s: Serious

Finally, Knight’s sign was the biggest, and held more than one word. It read: Ride or die, Moonshine?

But this was Knight for you. He didn’t do things by the book. But he was sober. And hurting. And mine.